Beautiful people

Hello all you beautiful people. My post for tonight shall be about the beauty that is all around us.
I wanted to touch on the subject of why some people who are in a relationship see some one who is gorgeous or handsome. But instead of looking at that person, and just saying objectively in their mind that that person is attractive, they take it an inch further, and picture themselves banging them.
What I’m trying to say is that I can look at all these adorable, handsome, sexy, attractive men in the world, and I only think about their beautiful features, I don’t go to the point of imagining myself sleeping with any of them. I don’t know why, but I kind of become a cereal monogamous crusher. When the person and I have stated that we like and have feelings for each other, they are the only ones who I have dirty thoughts about. Dirty thoughts on many people whom you can’t share then with (random pictures, fantasizing about a random stranger you saw) are lost thoughts. But when you can talk to the person you want to do them with, it is a better use of all that awesome dirty energy you have surging through your body. But alas, back to the beauty of the human race. We come in many different sizes, shapes, and races, with our own features that are purely unique to our personal identity. I think that everybody is gorgeous in their own way :).
Tonight I was watching some videos on youtube, by this group of guys. They were all so adorable in their own personal way. Now being all invests in this crush/ flirtationshop with my ex, my mind didn’t really wander to wanting to desire them instead. But sometimes I just wish when I encountered adorable people on the street or a random place, that I could just say “you are a very gorgeous human being,” and be on my way. There are just those people that have that unique spark to them, that makes you still want to compliment them on their looks, even though you don’t want to take the interest farther.
Onto people’s specific preferences in what they find attractive in a potential mate, in regards to looks. Gosh I just love this when I think about it. Because when I talk to my friend about the guys I find attractive she’s just like “ehh, he’s alight, but you wanna know who’s really attractive,” and then she shows me a guy I’m not extremely attracted to as well. I love this because it reminds me that every single person doesn’t like the same thing. So in most cases, you won’t have to worry about never finding someone who thinks you’re attractive, because we all find different things attractive. I find dark featured males, with brown eyes, big lips, and adorable big noses. Now when I say big noses, I don’t mean ones that protrude forward a ton, rather ones that fan out to the sides more, and are a little closer to the face. Oh and I find tall guys like extremely attractive…but I’m pretty sure the majority of females do, so yeah, I guess I could’ve left that one out after all :p.

Well readers I’m going to end this as a moderately short post, because I’m trying to cut down on how much I force you all to read in one sitting…
So in conclusion, even though I specified my type up there ^^^. I’m attracted to other kinds of features as well, it’s just those are some of my favorites ^.^
If you want, comment below and share what kind of features you find attractive :).

You just don’t understand

I bet many people mentally recite this phrase probably a million times each day. We all believe no one understands us. That they just wouldn’t understand. Sometimes though, I feel as if we block the chance of actually truly giving them the possibility to understand us. No body knows everything, so maybe the reason they don’t understand, is because you haven’t provided them with the exact knowledge of your situation to truly get how you’re feeling.
I think that phrase to myself as I am informing my best friend about my love life recently. What I’m not always realizing though, is that there are days that pass that I go through things pertaining to my love dynamics, that she doesn’t see. I also may not remember every detail of it when it comes time to tell her about it all.
There is also this guy that I’ve been talking to, I think I mentioned him before, but if I haven’t, here is his nickname Mr. NGM. It stands for Mr. Nice Guy (and the first initial of his name). Now what he is not understanding, is why I want an ex back. If he knew the entire story of the relationship, and knew how the guy and I were together, maybe it would help him comprehend why I feel that way.
But now readers, it is time I help you guys understand the situation I’ve been going through the past few days. So for those of you who haven’t read my previous blog posts, I’ll explain. First I had a 3 month relationship with Mufasa B., then I broke up with him because we didn’t talk as much as I would like (very lame reason to break up.. I know). Then OT asked me out the day after I broke up with Mufasa B. OT and I had a 5 month relationship, but he turned out to be an emotionless jerk… So then, he broke up with me, and 2 ish days later my sister’s boyfriend set me up with his friend who had wanted to date me for a while, ever since he had met me like a month or so before. He asked me to be his girlfriend the night that I was set up with him. I thought at that time I was ready to move on, so I said yes. It turned out that I dated him for probably 3 days, then I broke up with him, cause I thought I was still hung up on Mufasa B. The next night I thought I was over Mufasa B., so I admitted to Mr. NGM that I still like him (Mr. NGM). So that lasted the evening until around 10-11 at night we were video chatting, and he mentioned my ex, Mufasa B. I never ended up even kissing Mr. NGM. Then emotions that I thought I didn’t feel for Mufasa B., rose up again, so I ended it with Mr. NGM so he wouldn’t become attached, and then I go back to to my ex or something. Because I knew at that moment, if Mufasa B. asked me back, I would have said yes. I still know that, because that is the reason I am explaining all of this to you.
I’ll let you know why I am thinking I am hung up on this ex of mine, Mufasa B. :
• It feels like we never stopped talking, because all the giddiness and butterflies that still attack me when we message.
• I think he was the only guy I ever loved. I think I just lied to myself about OT.
• He was by far the best kisser. Instead of just physically kissing, it seemed as though he kissed with his soul as well.
• Makes me feel nervous in a good way.
• Even though at a time it didn’t seem as though he was giving enough to me (talking, or seeing each other, and such), it never seemed as though the distance ever made it hard for him to still love me.
• He doesn’t go around talking about how girls are good looking strait to my face. I like honesty and all, but it’s not lying in my book, to hold yourself back from voicing those thoughts to your girlfriend…
• We talked the majority of our relationship. Just messaging each other talking about our day or anything else.
• It appears that he operates just like me. When in a relationship or even just liking somebody, and even when you’re in the in between, not official stage yet kind of place. You don’t go doing stuff or flirting with other people, because you know how you would feel if they do the same. So basically an instinctual monogamous/ unhypocritical way of thinking.
• He actually will talk about making out, and the works, without getting all weird. There are some guys you can tell, that you want to make out with them, but the conversation doesn’t go farther than that. But when someone is comfortable and willing enough to say what turns them on the most, and ask you what would turn you on the most, that is a turn on in it’s own!!
• And he’s also all the generics you usually tell people about, about the guy you like. He’s sweet, funny, caring, and smart.

I think it’s a very big possibility that he and I will rekindle our old flame. But we’ll just all have to wait and see what happens when I elaborate in my future blog posts.

Goodnight my readers :).

More random things in my life

I have realized I have now created a pattern for myself. Right when someone breaks up with me, the next day, someone I am interested in always asks me out! So I go from breaking up with someone, strait to another relationship in a matter of days. The thing is, I don’t even give guys an inch of interest during that time, cuz I’m still in the break up mindset. But they always ask me out. If I wasn’t asked out by the guys I’m interested in, I’d be the type of person who would actually stay single for a while. Honestly though, with my track record, I think it’s impossible. I guess I’m to flirty without thinking about it, so when guys hear I’m single they decide to take a chance and ask me out. I don’t know…haha.

Another thing my lovely followers, and random passers bye. I have come to find in my few relationships that sometimes you can be with a person and think you know them, but you may not. You may think someone loves you because they say so, they may not. We all are constantly evolving as people, and sometimes our emotions and feelings decide to change to. Which results in changed feelings for someone you may have initially though you loved. We think that we know how to guard our heart, but we usually don’t. We think we’re intuitive and know if someone is genuine or fake. I don’t think we can ever see or predict how relationships will be. That’s why I believe we all might as well love with the fullest capacity of ours hearts. Although, these realizations also make me realize that as a virgin, if you think the person you give your virginty to will be with you forever, you may be wrong. Adding that aspect into it all brings about an even bigger let down. By doing that, you were vulnerable in every way. Only you know your own true intentions. The people we come across on life know their intentions as well, but we can never be sure that we truly know what theirs are. On the contrary, the people around you don’t know why your intentions are either. Moral of the story: give your heart to everyone you meet, not your V card. Your heart may hurt emotionally from a breakup, but losing your V card hurts in all ways.

Goodnight my readers. I must go to sleep, because my eyes are closing at this very second :p haha.

The story of my first kiss

The story starts like any other first kiss, we tried to find a place to be alone so that it wouldn’t be awkward or humiliating for me (because I’m pretty sure he had had his first kiss before). Or awkward and uncomfortable for anyone around who happened to see.
We found a room with no one in it, it had bookshelves formed into cubby holes, some mops, brooms, and a dust pan. We just walked around in the empty room together for a while and discussed whether or not I wanted to do it (because I was nervous). I told him that I wanted to, but I didn’t know. He simply replied “oh,” in an understanding non-pressuring tone. We just walked around some more and made little comments about the room.
Then he brought up showing me his abs, because I had asked to see them one time while we were messaging. The options he presented were: shirt completely off, or to just pull up his shirt a little bit. I decided on option number 1. Once he took off his shirt I couldn’t help but stare at his abs. So I gave myself a little while to ogle at them, but then quickly averted my eyes from them, and looked in his eyes. He looked at me looking a little nervous, as he posed the idea of whether I wanted to kiss him or not. I told him yet again, that I felt like I may be to nervous do it that night. He took me into a hug and just held me against him. After a while he said “I love you,” and I replied “I love you too,” that was the first time we had said it in person to each other, other than that we had only said it in text. While we were embraced I told him I wanted to kiss him and that I was so nervous. Then he said something that made me shift my face up to look at his lips for a little. We heard kids in the other room and I repeated what one of them said, then mufasa B said “what?” and then I replied “one of the kids said it haha.” While we were hugging, I felt him move his face a bit too. Then he also pointed out that I was shaking, which I hadn’t realized myself. I guess it was because I was nervous about whether or not I could kiss well.
A few minutes must had gone by while we were hugging, by then. I started to feel his hands slowly moving their way down my back inching close and closer to my butt. I said “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” when his hands had only made their way to a little below the waistline of my spandex workout pants. His hands retracted a bit and he froze, as he was about to say “what?” I quickly cut him off and explained my killing of the mood “I have a pad on, so it would probably feel weird if you accidentally touched it. I mean you can if you want to, but it may feel weird.” He continued on slowly, with sliding his hands down as he said “it doesn’t matter. As long as your fine with it?” he stopped a little as he said the last part, but then I confirmed that he could go on “yeah, I’m fine with it.” When both of his hands both had made their to my butt, nearly covering it with their size, he started a sort of kneading motion with his hands that felt great. “is this ok?” he asked. “yup” I replied.
During each knead he pulled our pelvises closer and closer together, and I tightened my arms around him to give him the message that I wanted to be closer I just was a little nervous and wasn’t thinking of what I could do with my hands.
I think once he found a rhythm with the kneading and pulling me closer he got a little more comfortable with the idea of kissing me, because he to was in fact, nervous as well. So when I accidentally gave the opportunity, he took it. I had shifted my head up to look at his lips again, and he swooped in with his lips before I could even think twice about it. It was good that he acted on instinct, because that was just the kind of push I needed to stop thinking about it and just dive in. His lips were full and smooth and had a completely unexpected quality to them. They felt soft, plump, and moist. We locked lips for about three to five presses before I started feeling his mouth part and his tongue trying to make its way into my mouth. I clumsily pulled my face back and said “I don’t know how to use tongue,” then he replied something along the lines of “it doesn’t matter,” “I don’t really either,” or something else. He brought his mouth to mine just seconds after, most likely knowing I still wasn’t daring enough to restart for the two of us. We locked lips again and I just went for it with the tongue part, which he didn’t reject, so it must have been good enough haha.
“Do u want to go over into the corner and sit?” he asked when we parted from our second kiss. “sure” I said with a grin on my face as I slightly bit my lip. He sat down against the wall. Then I looked at him trying to read if I was going to position myself the way he was hoping for. I just wung it and decided to straddle his lap. I inched my self farther and farther up his waist so that we were as close as possible. “So this is how it feels to be the tall one… Haha” I said, then he replied with “yeah haha,” before placing his lips on mine once again. I tilted my head to the right and draped my wrists around his neck. That is when we went into full swing with the tongue and I started to figure it out a bit. I mainly just moved my tongue around in his mouth and tried to play with his tongue a bit, too. Throughout the kiss I heard him moan a few times, and with that cue I would kiss him a little more intensely. During the kissing he put his hands back to my butt and started kneading them again. But then his hands slowly were making their way up my sides, under my shirt. He didn’t move his hands past the no-go zone before he said “just tell me when I should stop,” referring to how far his hands could go. I thought to myself about it and decided that even though I’d be fine with as far as he wanted to go with his hands, that I was going to put restrictions on it, since it was in fact a first kiss with someone I didn’t know extremely well. I trusted him to go as far with his hands as he wanted, but I didn’t want to come across as to easy, neither did I want to even be easy. So I said “when you feel fabric, just stop…” knowing that he would get my drift. I was wearing a black sports bra under a sort of mesh kind of white see through long sleeved shirt. So when I said fabric I meant when he got to the bottom of my sports bra, that he wasn’t to go any further. With that we got back to kissing and his hands stayed in the areas I had allowed, but they defiantly weren’t the most inoccent of areas. I started to realize that when his hands made their way to a little more than just my butt, down there, because I could in fact still feel it his hands in that area, even though I had a pad on. Everything felt nice to me though, so I didn’t reject it, because he didn’t go all that far with it. As we kept making out I kept nudging my body farther and farther up his waist to get closer to him. Then I felt his legs bend in to bring me closer. All the while, he still had his shirt off. Throughout the kisses there were a few moments where I would lean back and look around the corner if we thought we heard someone coming in the room. After one kiss in particular, I remember we put our foreheads against each other’s and I stared down into his eyes. When he looked up to me his eyes looked all pure, and innocent, and so genuine, that I couldn’t help but melt a little inside. Another moment we parted, I remember him moving his face closer to my chest, and slightly pressing his face into it.
I don’t remember when, but during one of those moments when I looked back around the corner, we both stood up. Then when we went back into the corner area and started kissing again. Suddenly out of nowhere he seemingly effortlessly picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He leaned his back against the wall and started sliding us back down to our original position. Soon we realized once we had made it down to the floor, that my knees were bent into his arm pits, so I grabbed both of my legs and bent them under me, on either side, back into the original position. Then we got back to kissing. A little bit more happened, but I can’t quite remember it all.

And that my dear readers is the story of my first kiss haha. Have a good night everyone :p.

My life lately

Hello my wonderful followers! 🙂

I was thinking about it, and the majority of my posts are about random topics. For today though, I’d like to tell you what kind of junk I’ve been dealing with this past week.

So the main thing is that I just broke up with my boyfriend,OT, last night. Actually let me rephrase that, he broke up with me. He decided to call it quits for reasons that weren’t under my control. The most messed up part of it all though, is that I’ve heard from multiple people he was starting to hold hands and flirt it up with another girl, a few days before he broke up with me. Something also messed up was that after around 4 or 5 months of being together, he was completely emotionless and cold when he was breaking up with me. He didn’t care that at the time he was shattering my heart, or about the way I viewed him as well. His character in the end was nothing like the charming sweet guy I met in the first place. But what can I say, even sociopaths are very charming. I don’t know why he didn’t believe it was worth what we felt for each other, to just break it off because we had no control over our circumstances, but I don’t even care now. The guy I thought he was has disappeared, and I’m not even sure ‘that guy’ ever existed. Everyone’s true colors show eventually, and I guess he just got some pretty shitty colors so he decided trying on a rainbow jacket to mask them. I’m now starting to think that I may have possibly gotten played for the first time in my life. I can’t see why he chose me to be the victim of his false hoods, but I guess all animals have their own specific prey. 

One odd thing is, I had cried out a bit of my sadness, twice, on different nights before he finally took me out of the emotional limbo and just ended it. But then the night he broke up with me, I cried for under a half an hour, and ever since I’ve just kind of put him out of my mind. I’ve had quite a good day in result of that.

Now onto my next weird partial-dilemma. The guy I mentioned in my dilemma post, my ex, turns out to be the guy I’m questioning possibly getting back into a relationship with. You all must be like “are you crazy?! You want to get back with an ex? seriously?”. One of the reasons is, our first kiss was actually quite amazing. I remember tasting him in my mouth all night after we parted. The good kind of taste, it probably was the best taste I’ve ever had sit in my mouth that long. He also smelled like some type of delicious cologne that he had put on that night. It got on my clothes and on my hair, so whilst I was still tasting him all night, his scent never faded. It was such an awesome first kiss that I wrote down exactly how it went in a note on my phone, so maybe I’ll edit it up a bit, and post that tonight as well.

The thing about my ex though, is that I don’t know if I want to get back together or not. Also, the choice wouldn’t be mine, it would be his. I don’t know though, I always thought the getting back with your ex when you suddenly realize you clicked with him the most all along thing, is kinda cliche. I’ve just always wondered what the appeal was, because I’m just the type of person to say what’s done is done, and will not change. I didn’t break up with him because we were dysfunctional in any way. I did it because in my eyes he was to busy with his life to make the time I wanted him to make, to be able talk to me and see me.

That’s all I have to say about those two boys and my issues in my life right now, but I will say that with OT, I’m thinking it all was just a big lie that I fell for.

Happy blogging my peeps!! 😛

NaNoWriMo!! And procrastination…

Hello all readers, I just wanted to inform you that I am going to be attempting the NaNoWriMo contest this November :). What’s the NaNoWriMo you may ask. Well I may tell you, that it is the National Novel Writing Month. It is a contest against yourself to complete a novel in the month of November that consists of 50,000 words….it is a hard tackle, and it is the kind of thing that makes a procrastinator like me, weary of trying to accomplish such a long task. Because I know I procrastinate when things look to long, I don’t know if I’ll complete it. If I do complete a novel of 50,000 words, I will most likely be posting it on a book app called Wattpad. So if this all works out maybe you can all get a chance to read it ;p.

P. S. the WordPress app is blue now!!! Ahhh another update :p. I haven’t had time to look at the new changes they have made, but I hope they are good :).

Bye bye my readers, have a lovely day :D.