I want you all to sit where you are, and just picture the first time you really messed up big. You got in the most trouble you had ever been in up until that point, for the very first time in your life. I don’t know what your first big mistake was, but I do know one thing. It doesn’t define you. The first time you make a mistake as a child and you’re reprimanded for your action you feel a twinge of remorse because honestly, you weren’t thinking. You were just doing. I know as we evolve, standards do raise, and we are expected to “think” before we “do,” but I think there is a fault in our system. I think all human beings should be able to accidentally make their first “huge mistake,” and have it erased from history if they so please. The first big mistake you make can cause you to go into emotional turmoil from the embarrassment and realization that it was an idiotic thing you knew you shouldn’t have done. So when authority figures and peers look at you as any lower than they are, it begins to eat away at you even more. One thing I believe our society has really muddled is the reflection onto our own mistakes. Those who are older than you or “wiser” than you pretend to posses the perfect record. They surely have never made a foolish (possibly hormonal) mistake, right? Wrong. We all have made at least one mistake in our life, whether it be monumental or minimal. I know it’s quite taboo this day in age to be open about mistakes or basically anything, but I’ve decided I’m going to share with you my one and only “first huge mistake.”
It’s the part of my “first kiss story” that I had decided to withhold in order to not taint the fondness I had for my first kiss.
Being a young teenage girl who was a little late with experiencing her first kiss (15 or 16 years old that is. It may not seem that old, but trust me, some kids have lost their virginity earlier than that), I was nervous and didn’t want speculation from others during the encounter. Me and my boyfriend of not many days had discussed having our first kiss somewhere where not many people would be watching us. Trust me, if you met the guy, you’d know he’d never hurt a fly… To this day, he is still the sweetest guy I have ever dated. One night when I went to my gym, we saw each other, and hung out for a while. After a while had passed, he ended up betting that if he could beat me at something, I would owe him a kiss. I ended up letting him beat me at the challenge purposefully. We found a room with no one in it, and the whole scene of “my first kiss” unfolded. For those of you who haven’t read it, it wasn’t a very scandalous event. The farthest we went was only making out. Though the making out lasted way longer than we had expected. About twenty minutes to be exact. When we had initially gotten in the room, he had even told me that I didn’t have to kiss him that night if I was too nervous. The silly boy didn’t even know I had purposely lost the bet…
Once we had made it out of the room, I was informed by my sister (who I’m always with), that she and a few friends of mine had not known where I had gone and everybody was looking for me, or to be more exact, they were all looking for me because my dad was going ballistic. He had come to “check up” on my sister and I, and hadn’t known where I had gone, and my sister said that she thought I was in the bathroom. He had her go check the bathroom… And she didn’t find me, so she told him that. So the next thing I knew, I was standing in the hallway, being lectured by my dad about where in the h*ll I was (way worse curse words followed), and then he finally asked me to fill in the blank. Being a freaked out girl who was being lectured in the heart of the entire gym for everyone to see, I tried to cool him down by telling him I was simply “in the bathroom.” Bad idea. He ended up becoming even angrier than before (which brought him to the point of ridiculousness). Eh hem, little teenage me thought he cared about my safety… I was safe! But he didn’t really care. To cut the story short, he ended up lecturing the boy I had kissed and got very pissed off at him (in front of the entire gym as well), and then went on to seek out the strictest manager at the gym and proceeded to tell him that they should monitor those rooms better, and explained all about what had happened in there. So all in all, it was probably the worst night I’ve had. I know now that I shouldn’t have gone into the room to try to have my first kiss, but I was young and stupid. I didn’t think about it. Much like an unsuspecting child that sees a shiny hot stove and wants to touch it, ending up burning themselves from the heat they hadn’t foreseen. Up until that “huge mistake” I had the shiniest record. Not once had I ever done something so “terrible.” Ever since, I have also refrained from acting upon impulse. Yet still to this day, it hasn’t been forgotten. Everyone still remembers it as though it was yesterday. It seems as though I’ll never live down that one “huge mistake.”
Though from that night I have decided to leave it in the minds of the observers to recount, as I just do my best to pretend that it never happened.
I’m in no way trying to justify my stupid hormonal actions, but I do want to leave you all with one thought. Let’s not pass judgement on the young ones (or the old ones) who make one huge mistake. Everybody makes mistakes, and nobody likes living with a burden. Which is why we shouldn’t pain them with the biggest burden of all: guilt.
Actually make that two thoughts. The second being: let’s stop trying to cover up the things we try hardest to keep secret. When you have children of your own, don’t pretend you were perfect in high school or college. Your child wants to know that they are not the only ones who couldn’t maintain a perfect record through the most impulsive period of life.