With closed eyes, you begin to imagine your body in the space you have hidden from sight with the aid of your eyelids. The water trickles down your body and you’re at ease, but soon your blind perception has been lost at sea. There are waves and exaggerated features. Your head feels so heavy you get the sense that you have been transformed into someone’s bobble head toy. You feel tall. Then short. The fat. Then thin. Soon your entire body betrays you, each part taking turns warping itself into a shape and size you’ve never seen before. Eventually, the relaxation paired with madness ends as you shut the water off, dry your body and seek comfort from your bed. You lay naked, confused as to what is real and what is not. There is no connection with the body you see in the mirror and the eyes it belongs to, so the message of what shape, hew, and size your body is, is no longer properly conveyed. You rationalize that you know you’re healthy, but your mind doesn’t recall that when it takes you on the roller coaster through the amusement park of what is reality and what is not.  


Apathy and despair. Such attractive qualities, right? These kinds of people dampen the room faster than a broken dam, and make you feel all kinds of wonderful negative feelings. You become bored from the silence that ensues while they silently sulk. You give up when you attempt to sooth their fragile, secret emotions by asking them what’s bothering them. They’ll never tell you what you did, or what’s going on with them, but they’ll sure as hell judge you for not being a mind reader and accommodating to them. They’re the life of the party when they’re happy, but the second their mood begins to drop, people better direct their attention to assisting them back to their manic happiness state. The best part is, sometimes it’s not even your fault, and they’re being a sulky turd just for the hell of it. You talk to the brick wall for a few moments, and then realize it’s no use. The tension of silence covers the room like a looming storm, ready to strike lightning at anyone who dares to disrupt with an honest comment on their ineffective coping method.        Enough about these people though, let’s dig into the real problem here. Passive aggressive, judgmental, cowardly methods of dealing with situations. When a situation arises that causes you to feel upset, the worst thing to do, is to wallow in it. Sure it may get you a lot of attention and sympathy, but it doesn’t spur you to grow more as a person. When you are honest and upfront with others in a calm manner, you show far more poise and confidence within yourself, than you ever could by just playing the victim card. Your method may assist you in making others look bad because they’re not attentive to your needs, but that doesn’t build you up as a person, that just calls others to rescue you because you’re unable to cope with anything. 

     Timidity vs competence. Timidity is nearly as frustrating as the traits mentioned above. Such as questioning yourself, and lacking the intuition to make executive decisions on how you’ll approach a situation. This causes you to leech onto others, hoping they’ll guide you, and make the decisions for you. Yet again, this prevents personal growth. There is no effort made by the timid person to become more confident, and competent with their abilities and actions. To continue being timid would be robbing yourself of all of the opportunities life has to offer to strengthen yourself as an individual. Though it may not seem like it, there is slight timidity in the very first scenario I mentioned. But it translates into a more apathetic form of timidity.

       Now a lot of you may be reading this, confused as to what direction these thoughts are leading, and how they arose in such a random fashion. There was no particular order for these traits, but there was one common theme that I’d like to conclude with. All of these traits belong to ineffective, negative, draining, insecure, and unhealthy people. Though it may appear that I’m stating the obvious, I don’t think many people are able to take notice of when the people they’re surrounded by are acting in such a way, when its occurring. What I hope you all get from this, is simply a bit of reflection of those around you. I’m not saying to drop them from your lives, because that’s a bad approach in itself, but I am going to say this: identify what kind of energy those close to you, are exuding. Though some may preach that if you’re centered yourself, you should be able to handle all energies, good and bad without them affecting you, I have to disagree. You have the ability to guard against these negative energies to an extent, but they’re surely not the energies you should be approving of. Don’t attempt to change the person, just enlighten them to how their negative outlook and vibe, affect you in an adverse manner. You can suggest a different approach to handling their emotions, so that they exude vibes that strengthen the relationship and cause you to both feel uplifted by the bond and interaction. Though in the end, it’s ultimately up to the person to change their ways to better themselves as an individual. 


Recently I came across an article with a word that I have been looking for all this time. Self-centered. Now it’s a very simple word, yet my mind was at a loss of what the proper title is for someone who never focuses on learning about others. Throughout my dating experiences, and social interactions with basically anyone, typically, there would be purely one quality that could ever deter me from having any desire to interact again. That one quality ladies and gentlemen is self-centeredness. Now typically one might think that self-centered people simply only concern themselves with thoughts of their own misfortunes or events pertaining to themselves. The self-centered I’m referring to in this post is far worse than that (in my eyes). This self centered is when it alters one’s ability to connect with others. This self centered, my readers, basically is the social disorder everyone seems to have these days. When I reflect upon all of the interactions I have had in my life, I remember the majority of them involving me always initiating the conversations or the questions. No one ever seemed to be able to match or exceed my intrigue, curiosity, or wonderment of the world, topics, and the people that surrounded me. One major reason for all that pent up curiosity is my desire to understand others better and to connect with them. Perhaps some people don’t have the same desire. All I know is that ever since elementary school I have followed one rule for many years, “treat others how you would want to be treated.” I realize the rule is most likely referring to kindness, inclusion, acceptance, and the sorts, but I’ve tweaked the rule to fit how I’d like to be interacted with/ treated in relationships. I ask questions about the most random things and when asked the question, “what did you do today?” I actually respond with something the other person can work with. All I hope for in return is to be interacted with in the same fashion. I’m instantly drained when I have to endure a conversation with someone that requires all topics and momentum to come from my energy reserves. For those of you who interact with people but never add your own intrigue directed in the other person’s direction, let me tell you this: that conversation will end with you thinking “wow what an interesting fulfilling conversation I just had with that dynamic person,”whilst they think to themselves, “oh god… never again!! I guess I’ll go to find a schizophrenic person and ask how in the world I could find myself some voices… at least the voices would add to a conversation…” (DISCLAIMER: the previous sentence was all pure sarcasm and does not in any way reflect how I view the schizophrenic disorder. I realize that having voices in your head would most likely be in no way pleasant or desired, and in no way do I mean to undermine the severity of the disturbance it must bring to an affected individual). I’ve noticed that even when someone decides to approach me and ‘get to know’ me, it falls into the same pattern: suffocation of boredom and one-sided-ness. Perhaps this problem is due to people groveling in any chance they get to have someone with a plethora of topics and questions to ask. Let’s be real, have you ever tired of a questionnaire filled with interesting questions? Maybe you have. Though what if that questionnaire included a pretty face with a look of admiration or intrigue plastered on it, and all of that attention solely for you? I know that if I didn’t have so many thoughts and questions running through my mind by the minute, I too could sit back and let one person do the wondering and asking in a conversation. Although I know one other thing. The person who I just interacted with knows far more about me than i do about them, and if I am to ever form any relationship with them, they’d know how to console, interest, or interact with me, while I’d be at a total loss when it came to them. Equaling a possible fall out due to my lack of understanding of them as a person and their over understanding of me as a person. It saddens me that many of the people that I’ve interacted with that just happened to slowly slip out of my life were results of this exact ignorance. I slowly gave up on maintaining it, and began searching for relationships with people that could reciprocate properly. To this day I’ve only found a handful that have come close. I think the rest of the people I’ve encountered in my life had simply fallen prey to the disorder of self-centeredness. Hopefully in my life I happen to find a handsome fellow that surpasses me with his own interest and curiosity, and I’ll finally have my reciprocation, and perhaps a potential love?

Sorry for my own self-centeredness in this post. I just had to rant a little. Have any of you ever encountered the dreaded self-centered type, or possibly found yourself people who have an innate ability to reciprocate? 

Best to you all dear readers! Happy Fourth of July!!