Recently I came across an article with a word that I have been looking for all this time. Self-centered. Now it’s a very simple word, yet my mind was at a loss of what the proper title is for someone who never focuses on learning about others. Throughout my dating experiences, and social interactions with basically anyone, typically, there would be purely one quality that could ever deter me from having any desire to interact again. That one quality ladies and gentlemen is self-centeredness. Now typically one might think that self-centered people simply only concern themselves with thoughts of their own misfortunes or events pertaining to themselves. The self-centered I’m referring to in this post is far worse than that (in my eyes). This self centered is when it alters one’s ability to connect with others. This self centered, my readers, basically is the social disorder everyone seems to have these days. When I reflect upon all of the interactions I have had in my life, I remember the majority of them involving me always initiating the conversations or the questions. No one ever seemed to be able to match or exceed my intrigue, curiosity, or wonderment of the world, topics, and the people that surrounded me. One major reason for all that pent up curiosity is my desire to understand others better and to connect with them. Perhaps some people don’t have the same desire. All I know is that ever since elementary school I have followed one rule for many years, “treat others how you would want to be treated.” I realize the rule is most likely referring to kindness, inclusion, acceptance, and the sorts, but I’ve tweaked the rule to fit how I’d like to be interacted with/ treated in relationships. I ask questions about the most random things and when asked the question, “what did you do today?” I actually respond with something the other person can work with. All I hope for in return is to be interacted with in the same fashion. I’m instantly drained when I have to endure a conversation with someone that requires all topics and momentum to come from my energy reserves. For those of you who interact with people but never add your own intrigue directed in the other person’s direction, let me tell you this: that conversation will end with you thinking “wow what an interesting fulfilling conversation I just had with that dynamic person,”whilst they think to themselves, “oh god… never again!! I guess I’ll go to find a schizophrenic person and ask how in the world I could find myself some voices… at least the voices would add to a conversation…” (DISCLAIMER: the previous sentence was all pure sarcasm and does not in any way reflect how I view the schizophrenic disorder. I realize that having voices in your head would most likely be in no way pleasant or desired, and in no way do I mean to undermine the severity of the disturbance it must bring to an affected individual). I’ve noticed that even when someone decides to approach me and ‘get to know’ me, it falls into the same pattern: suffocation of boredom and one-sided-ness. Perhaps this problem is due to people groveling in any chance they get to have someone with a plethora of topics and questions to ask. Let’s be real, have you ever tired of a questionnaire filled with interesting questions? Maybe you have. Though what if that questionnaire included a pretty face with a look of admiration or intrigue plastered on it, and all of that attention solely for you? I know that if I didn’t have so many thoughts and questions running through my mind by the minute, I too could sit back and let one person do the wondering and asking in a conversation. Although I know one other thing. The person who I just interacted with knows far more about me than i do about them, and if I am to ever form any relationship with them, they’d know how to console, interest, or interact with me, while I’d be at a total loss when it came to them. Equaling a possible fall out due to my lack of understanding of them as a person and their over understanding of me as a person. It saddens me that many of the people that I’ve interacted with that just happened to slowly slip out of my life were results of this exact ignorance. I slowly gave up on maintaining it, and began searching for relationships with people that could reciprocate properly. To this day I’ve only found a handful that have come close. I think the rest of the people I’ve encountered in my life had simply fallen prey to the disorder of self-centeredness. Hopefully in my life I happen to find a handsome fellow that surpasses me with his own interest and curiosity, and I’ll finally have my reciprocation, and perhaps a potential love?
Sorry for my own self-centeredness in this post. I just had to rant a little. Have any of you ever encountered the dreaded self-centered type, or possibly found yourself people who have an innate ability to reciprocate?
Best to you all dear readers! Happy Fourth of July!!