Embarrassment 

Let me start off by letting you know that this topic isn’t based on a recent embarrassing experience of my own or anything. Tonight I went to a small event, and at this event, there was a guy who once had a small thing for me. While we were getting to know one another a few months back, he did something that he was embarrassed about. In the end I didn’t continue talking to him, cause at that point in time I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship, like him and all of my perusers at the time. So now fast forwarding to tonight. As I was heading to the event, my sister’s boyfriend (who’s best friends with the guy) informed me that the guy still felt awkward about the small thing that happened months ago… I’m talking the start of last fall semester. It’s been at least 8 months I’d say? But the guy still remembers it clear as day. Before I was informed of this tonight, I had completely forgotten about it all together. The guy could have talked to me and I would have been friendly as usual, and I wouldn’t have remembered a thing. It all ended up being a non-event when I saw him, cause he basically was quiet and slightly awkward because he’s still holding onto that memory of embarrassment. Now I’d like you all to know, I don’t judge people at all for moments when they don’t act in a way that represents themselves. Whether their awkward moment results from voluntary or involuntary actions. I’ve embarrassed myself a fair amount of times, and I realize we all do dumb things. We all do things every once in a while, that we look back on and realize we don’t like what we did in that moment. It’s a part of being human, cause we’re not perfect, we make errors all of the time, and we just have to let those things go. 

Now I didn’t write this post to highlight his embarrassment or awkwardness for the night. I’m writing this post to talk about choosing to forget our embarrassments. Like I said above, I’ve done my share of embarassing things, and they weren’t pleasant. The difference between me and this guy, is that I choose to pretend these embarrassing moments in my life never happened. Now some may say that I’m in denial, that I’m hiding a part of me, that I’m not true to myself if I act like it never happened. Though in some way those things may appear to be true, they’re all false. When you push a negative/ unpleasant memory into the shadows of your mind, you aren’t removing them, you’re just not dwelling on them. You don’t necessarily pretend that it was all just a dream, you just allow yourself to feel as though it was all a distant memory. The one point that is possibly the most false, would be that you’re not true to yourself when you push these memories into the shadows. These moments wouldn’t stick out to us in the first place, if we hadn’t believed we weren’t representing ourselves/ being represented for how we actually are. So these embarrassing moments don’t define us, cause they’re not truly how we are on a regular basis. That’s why letting these memories fade into the background is actually being more true to yourself than you could ever be. It’s allowing you to express who you truly are, without being held back by the self conscious thoughts that result from dwelling on embarrassing moments. 

If you allow all of your regrets and mistakes and embarrassing moments to pile into your conscious memory and thoughts, you’ll look like you’re carrying the world’s troubles on you shoulders. Continually thinking of your downfalls causes you to shine less and your sparkle dulls. You don’t see the spark in your own eyes, you just notice the dust that is causing them to haze. 

Though the main reason for my cutting of ties with this guy a few months ago was related to me just not wanting a relationship, it was also because of one particular thing I noticed about him. He didn’t have a sparkle in his eyes. His eyes looked hazed over, and masked by sadness, even when he was smiling. It was that small thing that caused me to decline. Though it may appear to be a minuscule reason to turn someone down, I think it was the most accurate indicator I’ve gone by yet. That small observation saved me from beginning something with someone who dwells on his downfalls, rather than focusing on his achievements.  

#4. “If I were a guy”: don’t be a fool on social media

#4. “If I were a guy”: don’t be a fool on social media.
Many times I have been in the process of getting to know a guy, and he’ll post something that completely turns me in the opposite direction.
What guys have done right in this situation:
• kept their emotions to themselves and didn’t post their rage.
• didn’t put pictures of them looking high.
• didn’t subscribe to pages that consist of naked, exposed bodies.
• didn’t share anything that they wouldn’t want their girlfriend to replicate for social media (e. g. Twerking videos, slutty dancing videos, pictures in their bras and thongs, naked pictures, etc.

If I was a guy trying to get the girl I like to go on a date with me, here’s what I wouldn’t do:
•Share inappropriate videos
•Like pictures of naked people
•Post about something that really made me mad
•Post a status with terrible punctuation and grammar

Our frustration

It completely baffles me at how bothered or impatient I get waiting for my IPod touch to update, YouTube video to load, and other laggy kinds of tasks that electronics have to complete. There I am just staring at this darn piece of work and I’m just thinking “why can’t you give me a while on that google page before you decide I can’t look at it anymore. Jeez!! I could totally retain all the information from all those sites and repeat it to you in a second. But no you’re just my wimpy little iPod touch that can’t stay on one task without blacking out because of all the ‘pressure’. You’re like some bottle blonde crash dieter who forgot to eat her lunch that consists of two crackers!!”
Then I thought of it this way….
Say you were the fastest sprinter that held the world record for running like 300 yards in 15 seconds (idk even know if that’s physically possible, but let’s just go with those numbers for now). After you just topped all those old records you feel on top of the world, you made a record that until the second it is conquered, is impossible for any one to beat. Sadly it’s just not good enough, your trainer, coach, whatever, tells you you’re going to run 600 yards in the same exact time it took for 300 yards. It’s crazy right!! You are astonished at what you do, yet you just can’t please the fans.
Well that same kind of insane expectations are just like the ones we put on our electronics. The normal YouTube video for a song with ever changing slides with lyrics on them and a soundtrack playing in the back is usually 2-3 minutes long. It loads pretty fast, in a matter of seconds, yet some see those micro seconds as seconds of their lives wasted waiting. But wait, then after our perfect little devices shoot out video after video in a matter of seconds we just think “yes my minion, yes -_-. Good kitty”. Then your precious little computer kitty stops to purr and switches to irritable computer kitty (like an actual cat changes its mood). The billionth video isn’t loading for you and you look at it with that disapproving stare “how dare you get over whelmed with all the different computer codes, ever changing genres of songs, lyrics, soundtracks, or video commercials!!”
Back to my sprinting example…it’s similar to when we go from a 3 minute lyrics video of a song we like, then go to a totally new song (stairway to heaven maybe? Lol) about double the length of the last video and expect it to load up just as fast with ease and no lags.
All I can say is our poor devices….