Self love

Self love: accepting and loving the unique qualities that you possess that can not be changed. 
Many have their definition of self love, this one is mine. Recently I’ve been noticing that it’s not always so easy for someone to appreciate who they are physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. 

The problem that arises is not that others begin to point out flaws, but rather, you do the finger pointing yourself. When we act insecure, clingy, overly dependent on attention, and play the victim card every two seconds, we have basically told the whole world why we feel we’re not worthy. If we can’t come to love ourselves apart from others we can’t truly have self love. 

I was talking to someone once who had a deep insecurity about one aspect of their appearance. At first you couldn’t tell that the person was insecure, but then the bread crumbs began to fell and it was everywhere. When I wouldn’t get back to them for an hour they’d ask if they had done something wrong, and instead of laying off after that they’d press further and prod more into why I hadn’t answered them for a millisecond. This person continued to look for affirmation from me when he was truly looking in the wrong place. It is impossible to ever get the true affirmation you need from anyone but yourself. There is no one you are forced to live with for the rest of your life but yourself. If you can’t accept and love your qualities, you can’t expect others to see the beauty in everything that comprises who you are. Now you may raise the point that sometimes it’s too difficult to gain this assurance on your own—that you need the affirmation of others along with your efforts. The issue with that is that you place your worth into the hands and judgement of others who may not like what you have to offer—because we all have our own preferences. Just because one person doesn’t like you doesn’t mean no one will ever see the wonderful things you have to offer and deem you perfect for them. 

I have a particular taste in people both physically and mentally that even my identical twin doesn’t prefer. Even two people who are nearly the same genetically have completely different tastes in the people we prefer, so that can tell you a bit as to how preference can truly range from person to person. We all have that one type of person who can complete us in a way. For some it’s a soft compassionate energy they look for in perhaps a thinner, lankier person. For others it could be a stubborn, sarcastic, teasing energy in a thicker form. Some like dark features, others like light. Some love deep contrasts between the colors of features, others love a more subtle beauty. No matter what you look like, or what energy/personality you have to offer, someone will love you for you. Although, it takes loving all of your qualities first before you can ever expect someone to love them for what they are. People who are unapologetically themselves in every way are beautiful human beings, because they’ve conquered something some struggle with all of their life: self love. 

Stop looking in the mirror with hate, disgust, or disappointment at the unique beautiful body you’ve been given. We all only get one body, one soul, and one personality in a life time, appreciate it. You’re beautiful, those surrounding you are beautiful, those deemed “ugly” by society are beautiful. Everyone is perfect in their own way. Not everyone will like you, and perhaps you will go some time when no one does. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t perfect to someone, somewhere out there. 

A life full of hating yourself is a life wasted. Now that doesn’t mean go kill yourself, or that you’re worthless, or that you’re somehow imperfect because it’s taken you this long to begin doing so. Stop falling prey to self victimization and appreciate all your qualities. I know, we’re all human and it’s a difficult task to overlook what we deem imperfect, but it’s one small task that will bring you closer to an existence you’re proud of. Unburdened of the trivial, petty things that hinder others from living their lives to the fullest. 


A while back, I thought about how we all view each other and the world from our eyes, but the image is masked by our own personal filter. Like on an Instagram picture, you can increase or decrease an image’s beauty based on the filter you use, and sometimes a filter is unnecessary. Let’s discuss those images that unluckily get stuck with the wrong filter. We are the pictures, how others view us are the filters. Sometimes we can determine an initial filter that we hope to present, but these filters find themselves altered by those around us. The beauty that is hidden with the wrong filter can be monumental. For example, say there was this wonderful person. They’re vibrant, bubbly, flirtatious, and a bit sarcastic at times (but only in good fun). There’s the overwhelmed filter: the way someone would view this person, because they don’t enjoy the energy they bring, and feel it disrupts the peace. Then we have the insecure filter: this perception is a result of the person feeling as though any random sentence spoken is directly targeted at them in a negative way, all of the time. Then we have the jealous filter: this one results from envying this person’s ability to attract attention and admiration. Then we have the no filter option: the person is seen for exactly who they are. Then there is the magnified filter: this view comes from a deep admiration for the person. They accept them for who they are, and go beyond even that, by appreciating these characteristics for the personality they comprise.Typically the filters we have for viewing others are a reflection of our best and worst qualities. If we’re insecure, we are unnecessarily hateful. If we’re sad, we’re negative, or apathetic. If we’re too analytical, we see the world from a clinical kind of perspective. If we’re content, we see people for who they are. If we’re high on life, we see the beautiful traits in others, and celebrate the unique qualities they possess. These aren’t only ways we view people, but also how we view our own lives and the things that surround us.

So take a moment next time you sense you’re being overly negative about another person, and contemplate whether or not that same filter is the one you use to view your life.


Body, mind, and spirit.

The other day it occurred to me that some look for all, then there are others who only acknowledge a body, but don’t admire the mind and spirit that lie within it. I recently talked about how the simplicity of the appreciation of the human form is a beautiful thing, and I still believe that, but I feel there is another aspect to it all that needs to be discussed. 
If you don’t have appreciation for the spirit and mind that lie within a beautiful body, I don’t think you are appreciating it the same way that one who appreciates all facets of the beautiful body is. 
There are those who are ravenous, and then those who know how to savor a delicious meal. You can put these two types of people at the same table, in the same setting, and serve the same food, but they won’t be experiencing the same thing. 
The savorer strategically ensures he has all of the flavors of the meal perfectly stacked onto his fork, so that he may enjoy the combination of flavors, and not mistakenly neglect the main complement of the dish. He looks at the food as an experience, allowing each succulent piece to resonate in his mouth, and dance on his tongue. He loved the aesthetic appeal of his meal and the unforgettable flavors that came along with it. He leaves, knowing that if he visits again, he will surely request the same meal. 
Then we have the ravenous man. He sees the plate of food and instantly knows it’s what he wants. He picks up his fork immediately and digs in. Instead of taking his sweet time to taste every individual bite, he decides the best approach is to eat it as fast as he can. He can’t control how delicious it is, and how badly he wants to continue to devour it. The man finishes the meal in record time, and requests seconds. The waiters tell him that that was the last one for the night, and the chef had gone home. The man, feeling unsatisfied and hungry, asks if the chef made anything else. They bring in a slice of cake, and the ravenous man grins, and proceeds with it in the same way he did the meal prior. 
These two people, given the same opportunity have drastically different experiences. The man who savored his meal truly appreciated it in all its complexity. The other man didn’t have such luck. He acknowledged that it was a very decadent meal, but didn’t pay it the same respect. 
I guess what it all boils down to is respect and understanding of that beautiful, perfect body. I’m not saying the ravenous man doesn’t have the capability to see its perfection, but he robs himself of true appreciation due to a lack of respect and understanding of it. Remember the old rule, “observe with your eyes and not your hands”? Let’s say you were instructed to apply that to the beautiful body in front of you. The sight of the body alone should elicit your true appreciation for it, not the sexual urges you may get when staring at the perfection. 
If you can look at the body in its most innocent, natural, and rawest state, you’ve seen enough to truly appreciate it. If you’ve only seen the act that it puts on for observers, you haven’t seen its truly beautiful form. 
I’m not going to discount the superficial lust that we all still can be entitled to, but I will say this. There is a difference between a temporary, fleeting appreciation and a continuous appreciation. If it was temporary and fleeting, then you truly didn’t see the perfection, and that’s a shame. 
Inside every beautiful, perfect body lies an even more remarkable spirit and mind to be appreciated.