Self love: accepting and loving the unique qualities that you possess that can not be changed.
Many have their definition of self love, this one is mine. Recently I’ve been noticing that it’s not always so easy for someone to appreciate who they are physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.
The problem that arises is not that others begin to point out flaws, but rather, you do the finger pointing yourself. When we act insecure, clingy, overly dependent on attention, and play the victim card every two seconds, we have basically told the whole world why we feel we’re not worthy. If we can’t come to love ourselves apart from others we can’t truly have self love.
I was talking to someone once who had a deep insecurity about one aspect of their appearance. At first you couldn’t tell that the person was insecure, but then the bread crumbs began to fell and it was everywhere. When I wouldn’t get back to them for an hour they’d ask if they had done something wrong, and instead of laying off after that they’d press further and prod more into why I hadn’t answered them for a millisecond. This person continued to look for affirmation from me when he was truly looking in the wrong place. It is impossible to ever get the true affirmation you need from anyone but yourself. There is no one you are forced to live with for the rest of your life but yourself. If you can’t accept and love your qualities, you can’t expect others to see the beauty in everything that comprises who you are. Now you may raise the point that sometimes it’s too difficult to gain this assurance on your own—that you need the affirmation of others along with your efforts. The issue with that is that you place your worth into the hands and judgement of others who may not like what you have to offer—because we all have our own preferences. Just because one person doesn’t like you doesn’t mean no one will ever see the wonderful things you have to offer and deem you perfect for them.
I have a particular taste in people both physically and mentally that even my identical twin doesn’t prefer. Even two people who are nearly the same genetically have completely different tastes in the people we prefer, so that can tell you a bit as to how preference can truly range from person to person. We all have that one type of person who can complete us in a way. For some it’s a soft compassionate energy they look for in perhaps a thinner, lankier person. For others it could be a stubborn, sarcastic, teasing energy in a thicker form. Some like dark features, others like light. Some love deep contrasts between the colors of features, others love a more subtle beauty. No matter what you look like, or what energy/personality you have to offer, someone will love you for you. Although, it takes loving all of your qualities first before you can ever expect someone to love them for what they are. People who are unapologetically themselves in every way are beautiful human beings, because they’ve conquered something some struggle with all of their life: self love.
Stop looking in the mirror with hate, disgust, or disappointment at the unique beautiful body you’ve been given. We all only get one body, one soul, and one personality in a life time, appreciate it. You’re beautiful, those surrounding you are beautiful, those deemed “ugly” by society are beautiful. Everyone is perfect in their own way. Not everyone will like you, and perhaps you will go some time when no one does. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t perfect to someone, somewhere out there.
A life full of hating yourself is a life wasted. Now that doesn’t mean go kill yourself, or that you’re worthless, or that you’re somehow imperfect because it’s taken you this long to begin doing so. Stop falling prey to self victimization and appreciate all your qualities. I know, we’re all human and it’s a difficult task to overlook what we deem imperfect, but it’s one small task that will bring you closer to an existence you’re proud of. Unburdened of the trivial, petty things that hinder others from living their lives to the fullest.