Unfounded Disdain

     You stare contemptuously, letting the hate eat away at what remains of your character. All that lies before you is filthy, ridiculous, and unloveable. Unfortunately, that is an incorrect conclusion. What lies before you is the perfect example of care, humanity, and kindness. All that has been exemplified by that form in front of you is nothing but pure humanity, and you view it with the utmost disgust.

    That’s where we falter. We see all the flaws immediately, sometimes never acknowledging those qualities that embody true perfection, true admirability. It perpetuates a vicious cycle of hate and creates an absence of appreciation. It is one thing to let these negative thoughts and comments silently ruminate in one’s mind, it’s another to continuously voice them aloud to taint the current rapport.

     The most unexpected things occur when one spreads love rather than hate. One receives love back, the world becomes a better place to live in. It’s miraculous to see the results and watch happiness and love spark from every action, setting the world ablaze to create a bonfire of positivity. Soon all the flaws are unique features we’ve never seen. Those actions of ridiculousness, imperfection, lack of attention that causes us to stumble, are the pieces of humanity that spill out of us to signify to others that no one is perfect. While simultaneously discovering that it is this same quality of imperfection that leads one to claim that the one they love is perfect.

Moments

Sometimes I wish I could know if you look at me the same way I look at you: with permanent rose colored glass, only able to see the beauty and perfection that lies inside you. Every ounce of your being equating to just enough to satisfy all of my senses. To look at you, and think, will I ever stop falling in love with every single detail? The tiny gap between your teeth. The way your lips and teeth meet. The contrast between the flatness of your teeth, and the puffiness of your lips making your lips appear all that more appealing. The way your eyes look when just your gaze exudes how much you desire my body, but also the way they look when your emotions soften, and you pull me to you.
How the hair on every inch of your body reminds me that you’re rugged and masculine, just the way I like it. How it feels when you display your desire in one single embrace.
But sometimes it is not so easy to convey just how precious a moment feels. Sometimes words don’t do moments justice.

Some words

Sometimes life happens and you feel yourself get swept away in the tide of everyday activities and interactions. You see the crash and fall of the waves, but sometimes you don’t feel them like you naturally would. Something’s on your mind. Your thoughts can’t help but wander. Where do they wander? Is it to thoughts of a significant other? A new romantic interest? Is it that old flame that still burns and singes your soul? Is it wandering to thoughts of finding that thing called love that everyone talks so fondly about? They wander everywhere. Currently stuck on the beautiful idea of a twin flame. “What is a twin flame?” It is a concept that can give you hope or break you down entirely. To those who haven’t found a remarkable spark with anyone, the idea that a greater connection and love brings happiness to them—also alluding to the fact that they haven’t lost their shot yet. Some have love and lost— sometimes they just so happen to lose their twin flame. How would they lose it if it is an even stronger bond/ connection/ passion than a soulmate, you ask? Well you never truly lose it— it becomes unavailable, unattainable, too difficult to hold onto. Not every lost twin flame is gone forever, but sometimes it appears that way. It all comes down to the two individuals who share that connection. Are you stubborn? Are you foolish enough to let your twin flame walk even farther out of your life while you’re settling for a lesser passion? Are you scared? Are you too blind to see that you’re losing them day by day? Are you too heartbroken to give it another shot? If so, you might just lose them. It is a little difficult to continue to try when the odds are against you. History is made, and sometimes bridges are burned. Sometimes those pained goodbyes are final. It’s not because neither of you feel anything for each other anymore— you might feel everything, but you’ll never tell…

The other day I watched a movie that portrayed this kind of connection. They broke up because it was necessary, not because the love had faded. It never faded, even after 20 years of being apart. They still thought of one another after all of that time had passed. When they saw each other after all of those years, the connection, the passion, the yearning for one another still remained. It’s not the conversations they had, or the things that they shared in common, or the things they knew about one another. It was the need to be next to one another, with no clear reason. It is the desire to see and talk to that soul, because it is the only one yours finds effortless comfort with. They craved each other’s bodies– not because their bodies were perfectly toned and proportioned, but because that body belonged to the soul they couldn’t bare to live without.

Of course the movie didn’t end well…. I just so happened to conveniently remember towards the end, that the writer of the story is notorious for creating sad movies involving deaths to induce tears and despair in the viewer.

Love

You find yourself more in love than you ever thought possible. There she lays, in your arms, perfect in every way. Every fiber of your being reacts in an instant to the reception of this precious little gift. She is your baby girl. You immediately acknowledge how fragile this little human is. In that moment, you vow to yourself right then and there, that you will do all you can to ensure that she is treated with the utmost care. She is a reflection of the love shared the night she was created. She is the product of the 9 months of cautious nurture and care of the beautiful womb that carried her. You felt this gorgeous baby’s kicks at night as your wife lay fast asleep. You anticipated her arrival, picturing how this new presence would change your entire world. What would this little bundle of joy look like? Smell like? Sound like? Interact like? Would she have you smile? Your eyes? Would you see a glimpse of yourself in her as her eyes sparkled with glee each time she saw your face reappear in a simple game of peek-a-boo? Many questions flooded your mind at night. Now everything has stilled, and the only question you have is right in front of you: “how will you let this precious child know everyday, without a doubt in her mind, that her daddy loves her?”

Days, weeks, months, years go by, and you see her grow up. She is everything you could have wished for and more. It’s not exactly what she’s done, or said, but in a way, it’s all of that. It’s the perfect imperfection of this little girl, the glimpses of you and your wife in this unique individual. Her smile radiates through the room. She has your blue eyes, she has your wife’s chestnut hair. When she wants something, she imitates your old puppy dog eyes that you used to use on your own parents– sometimes even on your wife as well (in a joking manner). She has an infectious giggle that brings a smile to your face every time you hear it.

One day she comes home from high school, and she tells you she met a boy. The smile on her face gives you the impression that this boy isn’t all that bad for her. You give her a light-hearted mock interrogation anyway, and ask her “does he make you happy?” “does he treat you right?” “is there really a guy out there perfect enough for my little girl?” Then you mention one last thing: “make sure that if he ever treats you any less than you deserve, you walk away, because you’re the most precious gift anyone ever could receive and he sure as hell better know that.” That night, thoughts race through your mind. You remember her first words, the tears you kissed away when she fell down and scraped her knee for the first time, the pride you had when she finally learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, the times you’d come in the kitchen and find her and your wife baking cookies, her first day of school. It all felt like it was just yesterday. Now she’s going on her first date. Your little girl has acknowledged the opposite sex in a new way. She no longer sees these boys as friends anymore. There is the potential that one of these days, she may even kiss one of these boys. That thought is tough to handle. This is your baby, the one you held in your arms. You face the fact that your little girl is now a sexual being, but with that comes primal intentions. How do you know this young boy will treat your daughter right, when all of his urges arise from such an primal place. Will he be able to control himself? On the other hand… will your little girl want him to control himself? A first kiss is enough to think about, but then there is so much more that could follow. Your sweet little baby’s body is seen as a sexual object now. Guys want to touch her and she wants to touch them too. Your darling’s sweet little hands and mouth may go places that would make you cringe. Picturing these things makes you sick. She’s your baby. The little girl that is only meant to be held by your loving, fatherly hands. It was only days ago that she was too small, to young, to walk on her own. So you held her in your arms for hours, staring at that spectacular little face. Your love for her was unconditional from the start, and will remain so until the end. You think of how the guys she will encounter won’t see her in the same light you have. Their love for her, if even love, won’t be unconditional for sure. Some will expect things of her. Some things you don’t even want to think about. The thoughts are put on pause, because you realize you’ll go crazy if you continue to let them ruminate.

So more days, weeks, months, years go by. Your little girl is officially a sexual being now (not that she wasn’t in the first place). There are many things that have happened that she hasn’t told you. She’s had her first kiss, she has experienced much more than that…, and she has gone through heartbreak. Guys have treated her with disrespect– she walked away just like you told her to— though sometimes she didn’t acknowledge it soon enough. The first boy to see your little angel’s unclothed, uncovered, innocent, bare body, trivialized it by jerking off to porn the following night. That boy that gave her her first kiss also gave her her first heartbreak when he cheated on her with a sexy cheerleader while he was intoxicated at a high school party. She dated the nice guys, the good guys, the losers, the jerks, the jocks. She also found the love of her life along the way, who treats her well, loves her in every way possible, and brings out the best in her every day. He’s the boy she’s bringing to thanksgiving when she comes home during the break. Little do you know, he’s the one. He encapsulates everything you could have ever wished for in a man that would hold your daughters heart.

Now don’t feel too relieved, there was another who almost won her heart before she fell for your new potential son-in-law. With this other man, things appeared to be perfectly fine. He was successful and had a fairly good income. He knew that this beautiful girl was too good for him. Yet when a problem would arise, he would blame her, he’d go into denial and would never apologize for his actions. Sometimes he would apologize— but only when it benefited him. If they would have married, he would have barked the words “get out of MY house” when he was frustrated. He would say things to tear her down, not build her up. Any accomplishment of hers would be overlooked. When enraged, he’d bring fear into your little girl’s heart. She would run to the closest room and lock herself inside until he had calmed down. He’s the one who would have stormed out of the house at  2 am in the morning, slamming the door behind him, screeching the car tires as he peeled out of the drive way. He would have been the one to bring doubt, fear, and sadness to your little girl’s heart those nights, making her ask why she deserved this treatment.

No one “deserves” to be treated that way. In this alternate ending, your little girl just found herself in a bad situation. Could you have imagined though, the heartache you would have felt for your little girl if it had gone that way? Wouldn’t you have wanted to walk straight up to that evil man and look him right in the eye and tell him off? Tell him he doesn’t deserve someone as amazing and precious as your little girl?

What if I told you there is a simple way to make sure that this never happens to your daughter/ future daughter? No one would ever break the heart of your bundle of joy, and it involves only one simple task: Treat everyone else’s baby girls with care. That woman you slept with tonight, that girl you’ve been planning to bang, the girl you cheated on when you were younger, the girl you only intend to sleep with. All of them are someone’s baby girl. Treat them as so. If not, how would you ever expect someone else to treat your’s with the utmost care?

lustful daydreams

Objective observance of a body cannot simply be done if you admire the soul it envelopes. To see that such a spectacular soul comes along with a perfect body is a remarkable sight. Simply interacting with them and then unexpectedly noticing a flash of their skin exposed is enough to trigger the thoughts in your mind to run wild. You envision your hands running along that perfect form, memorizing the indentations that comprise their torso. The feeling of the beautiful skin under your lips, as you trace your mouth along every inch, appreciating their body. But that’s hasty thinking, you’ve gone too far, and you’ve already sexualized them in your mind. So you refrain from envisioning anymore, in order to not taint your image of them. Your thoughts take control once more, and coincidently recall the sight of the hair that leads to an enticing view that you can only imagine. With this comes even more images of the flawless perfection you’ve only had glimpses of, and your mind attempts to imagine the rest. Your mind takes you on a wonderful journey as your thoughts transcend into a daydream. In that moment, everything and anything is possible, and you picture all of the things you would love to do with that body, but you wouldn’t dare propose in reality.
It’s a familiar struggle that every male and female goes through as they begin to “catch feelings.” Whether they be purely physical, emotional, or mental, they manifest them self in a familiar fashion. The unrequited daydreams are reminders of the currently unattainable.

Memories

The power of memory is terrible thing. The more you try to shut something out, the greater the force it has when it is reopened. We may not even try to fetch the memory, but our brain does it for us. One visual trigger is all it takes, and suddenly we find ourselves walking down memory lane. I would like to say the memories are pleasant because no matter what happens in the end, you can always think to the memory of what was once the reality, and it isn’t tarnished with age like the newest memories put to store. It sucks that having a scale of what one once felt is possible, simply by remembering one single detail. It floods our minds with emotions and drowns out our logic. We can’t rationalize. We can only think of the sorrowful feeling we get when we look back to those feelings. To know how powerful a simple touch or grasp, a biting whisper in our ear trying to contain its passion, a gaze that tells you everything you need to know, could remain imprinted into our mind forever. You begin to feel invigorated as you try to move past the heartbreak you once felt. You attempt to do a 180 and find a completely different type of feeling. But then reality hits you as you’re in the throes of a new fling, and you realize that it’s not the same. You tell yourself it’s what you wanted, change is good right? That’s not the case when the one who used to strive to change everything begs for it all to stay the same. They beg you to stop altering the world around them because it was once so fitting. It felt so right in that moment, and then in the next, it vanished right from their grasp. It is a terrible thing to have felt something and lost it, because sometimes you wish you had not felt at all. It’s impossible to live up to a passion as great as one has felt before, if it was the perfect fit. No one else could fit into the glass slipper, and it is the same with those who attempt to fill your heart with a new emotion. Compared to the perfectly slim and curved foot, it is too thick and soft around the edges. It may be a compassionate love, but it doesn’t fill the gap the same, even if it earnestly tries.

Beautiful people

Hello all you beautiful people. My post for tonight shall be about the beauty that is all around us.
I wanted to touch on the subject of why some people who are in a relationship see some one who is gorgeous or handsome. But instead of looking at that person, and just saying objectively in their mind that that person is attractive, they take it an inch further, and picture themselves banging them.
What I’m trying to say is that I can look at all these adorable, handsome, sexy, attractive men in the world, and I only think about their beautiful features, I don’t go to the point of imagining myself sleeping with any of them. I don’t know why, but I kind of become a cereal monogamous crusher. When the person and I have stated that we like and have feelings for each other, they are the only ones who I have dirty thoughts about. Dirty thoughts on many people whom you can’t share then with (random pictures, fantasizing about a random stranger you saw) are lost thoughts. But when you can talk to the person you want to do them with, it is a better use of all that awesome dirty energy you have surging through your body. But alas, back to the beauty of the human race. We come in many different sizes, shapes, and races, with our own features that are purely unique to our personal identity. I think that everybody is gorgeous in their own way :).
Tonight I was watching some videos on youtube, by this group of guys. They were all so adorable in their own personal way. Now being all invests in this crush/ flirtationshop with my ex, my mind didn’t really wander to wanting to desire them instead. But sometimes I just wish when I encountered adorable people on the street or a random place, that I could just say “you are a very gorgeous human being,” and be on my way. There are just those people that have that unique spark to them, that makes you still want to compliment them on their looks, even though you don’t want to take the interest farther.
Onto people’s specific preferences in what they find attractive in a potential mate, in regards to looks. Gosh I just love this when I think about it. Because when I talk to my friend about the guys I find attractive she’s just like “ehh, he’s alight, but you wanna know who’s really attractive,” and then she shows me a guy I’m not extremely attracted to as well. I love this because it reminds me that every single person doesn’t like the same thing. So in most cases, you won’t have to worry about never finding someone who thinks you’re attractive, because we all find different things attractive. I find dark featured males, with brown eyes, big lips, and adorable big noses. Now when I say big noses, I don’t mean ones that protrude forward a ton, rather ones that fan out to the sides more, and are a little closer to the face. Oh and I find tall guys like extremely attractive…but I’m pretty sure the majority of females do, so yeah, I guess I could’ve left that one out after all :p.

Well readers I’m going to end this as a moderately short post, because I’m trying to cut down on how much I force you all to read in one sitting…
So in conclusion, even though I specified my type up there ^^^. I’m attracted to other kinds of features as well, it’s just those are some of my favorites ^.^
If you want, comment below and share what kind of features you find attractive :).