BBQ sauceĀ 

I’ve decided to switch things up a bit, so in this post, and possibly in some future posts, you will be reading some posts about the people I know.
I’m not sure if you still check my blog, but if you do, this one’s to you. Perhaps if you don’t read it before I get back from France, I’ll show it to you sometime before we part ways when we go to our separate schools this fall. 

I’d like to begin by saying that I treasure our friendship and couldn’t have pictured a better person to be my best friend. Ever since the day we met, I’ve always noticed that you’re truly genuine and completely real with me. You probably know more about me than you ever needed to know from our random night time confessions, but in a way, I’m glad you know how weird I am. We’re always ourselves around each other, and nothing else, and I love that. If someone would have asked me if I thought I was ever going to have a best friend like the ones portrayed in the movies, I would have said most likely not. I never thought this kind of friendship existed until we bonded over the weirdest things and stuck by each other’s side despite having such vastly different interests. In a way we’re kind of polar opposites that way, but I think we complement each other well. Just a few weeks ago before I left, when I spent a few days with you, it reminded me why I love having you as my best friend. Despite being around each other for hours and hours straight, I still didn’t want to leave. You’re the best friend a gemini could ever have. I love it when you ask random questions out of the blue. Your crazy spontaneity. Your adventurous side, but also your hilariously contradictory scaredy-cat side when it comes to spiders and strong thunder storms. These quirks make you exactly who you are, and that’s what I love about them. They’re random and silly, which is just the way I like it :). I remember when we started off as total strangers who decided to share a cabin at a camp out. There was no awkwardness at all because we were so excited as to what we would do that night: read the scary stories written on the walls, peer out the windows into the pitch black night when we’d hear noises outside, and play board games. Since then I’ve noticed that our ridiculous, nonsensical fear has carried over into the times when you’ve convinced me to try out new scary video games with you. It appears that there is a pattern of ours to try ridiculous things with one another, such as the crazy dares we’ve made. I don’t know who else would be able to convince me to get into an outdoor pool in the middle of winter…

I know we’re going to be away from each other for a long while soon, but I know this friendship is forever. Maybe one day we’ll end up in the same city again, where we can rekindle the friendship that we will always share. While we’re apart I plan to send at least 1 picture every day like we promised so we can keep up with one another. I know it will be hard to not have that familiar presence of one another, but I’m positive that this will only make our friendship stronger. I can’t wait to see you during the breaks when we’ll recount all that happened while we were apart.  

The therapy of writing

At the moment I don’t feel all that well. My motivation is stifled because I’ve allowed myself to slip into a downward spiral of emotions. Earlier today I read about strange things our bodies do everyday, two of them were blink, and cry. In the mini article it talked about how crying was good for you. So I’m giving it a whirl. Maybe I can cleanse these odd emotions out with some tears. Now typically I would see these as happy tears if I were to be cleansing my emotions with a nice cry, but these aren’t happy tears… I feel a little alone at the moment… I know it may seem ridiculous to some and some may say we should all be able to find solace within ourselves, but for the time being I’m lacking that kind of strength. I can’t muster the courage to brave through it alone any longer. So as my own way of therapy, I’m going to write about one of the reasons as to why I’ve found myself in this lonely state. 

Throughout my life I’ve found myself loosing touch with people, and mutually drifting out of one another’s lives. Generally it’s worked quite well for me because I’ve found more meaningful connections by letting nature take its course. Although I’ve found myself in a little dilemma… I don’t lack a supply of people to talk to or reach out to in times of loneliness, but I’ve recently kept to myself because I find no fulfillment in any of these friendships. I have an amazing best friend and I wouldn’t trade her for the world, but at times I wish I would have found a best-guy-friend along the way. 
I have come close twice in my life… Both times letting them slip away. 
Ironically both of the guys were scorpios… (For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, Scorpio is a zodiac sign). 
The first one was dating my friend at the time and continued to make passes at me… So basically the drama that ensued caused the splitting of ties. 
On the other hand, I recently drifted out of the life of the second Scorpio. He and I had amazing conversations, but he wanted me, and I was uncertain about him. When I looked at it objectively, I realized that if I dated him, it would be because of his mind, not the entire package. I didn’t like his lifestyle, nor did I find him all that attractive. He wasn’t ugly, because I honesty don’t think anyone in this world is ugly. We’re all someone’s idea of perfection. He just wasn’t my type. Now I know you’re all probably furiously typing away in the comments about to tell me off for being superficial, but I’d like to explain myself first. I think there are different levels and statuses for people in your life for this very scenario. You have the highest tier, which is who you choose to be your significant other. Ideally this person is supposed to possess mind, body, and spirit/soul (so they turn you on both sexually and mentally, and dazzle you with their unique soul). Your next tier is best/ good friends. Ideally they just don’t do it for you physically, but you enjoy their company and conversation. Lastly, you have the people who aren’t all that consistent in any of these areas, and we rate them as acquaintances. 
This guy friend of mine fell into the second category, as a good, maybe even best, friend. It was apparent that deep inside, he wanted more. He continued to try to further things. He gave me a rose, and I handed it back, and I told him that he deserved a girl who could be his valentine on Valentine’s Day, and that I just wasn’t the girl for him. I began to taper off my conversations with him, to try to ween him off the thought of me. I didn’t want him to continue pursuing me, knowing that he could spend that time finding who he’s supposed to be with, so I eventually stopped talking to him all together. 
Now you’re probably ferociously typing a comment about how evil I am for hurting this guy and ignoring him… Yes it isn’t the nicest way to do things, but I had indicated things were coming to a close, and just a few weeks ago, he sent me a goodbye text, telling me about the positive things in his life. He found a girl who is like him. That was my goal. I believe he’s better off without me, but sometimes I miss having an interesting conversation waiting just around the corner if I chose to peak. 
He was the closest thing I’ve had to a male best friend, and for that I’m grateful towards him. 
You may be wondering why I brought these two guys up, so now I’ll explain. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed a common theme, but I just realized there is one. Neither of these guys were ever setting out to have a purely platonic thing with me. No guy really ever has… And it is kind of unsettling in a way. I’ve retracted from all of these people, because I don’t feel I can talk to them without them trying to get to know my body more, not my mind. At the moment there is only one guy who I want to know my body more (and mind of course), and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t but a clue, but maybe he’ll catch on if I keep giving hints… 
But it’s not even the fact that the guys wanted my body that put me off, it was that that is how they began to interact with me. Let me clarify a bit more… It’s as though two bodies were trying to have a conversation. Now as far as body language goes, you can have a pretty damn good conversation if there’s chemistry, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the simplicity in which we begin to view things when we’re caught up in overwhelming attraction and lust. It’s a little distracting I’ll admit, but these guys don’t even attempt to have a real conversation, it just feels as though they think boring conversation is the eventual lubricant that will bring about a furtherance of any physical thing between them and me…. 
Now I don’t want interesting and sexy guys I know to get the wrong idea… I’m not talking about you guys. If you are able to admire my mind, soul, sexuality, and body, then take me at your will… Not literally exactly… But if you can sense I’m feeling something as well, or giving you signals, go for it, and don’t miss the signal like Ted did with Robin. (HIMYM reference to their first kiss… If you didn’t know who I was talking about).
Readers who stuck through this entire post, I’m glad to say I’m feeling a lot better. Writing is my therapy, and this post was just what I needed. I know it appears a little bipolar since I went from sad to happy within the time it took to write this, but maybe writing is truly just that therapeutic.