#4. “If I were a guy”: don’t be a fool on social media

#4. “If I were a guy”: don’t be a fool on social media.
Many times I have been in the process of getting to know a guy, and he’ll post something that completely turns me in the opposite direction.
What guys have done right in this situation:
• kept their emotions to themselves and didn’t post their rage.
• didn’t put pictures of them looking high.
• didn’t subscribe to pages that consist of naked, exposed bodies.
• didn’t share anything that they wouldn’t want their girlfriend to replicate for social media (e. g. Twerking videos, slutty dancing videos, pictures in their bras and thongs, naked pictures, etc.

If I was a guy trying to get the girl I like to go on a date with me, here’s what I wouldn’t do:
•Share inappropriate videos
•Like pictures of naked people
•Post about something that really made me mad
•Post a status with terrible punctuation and grammar

#3 “if I were a guy”: what personal space?

#3 “if I were a guy”: what personal space?
I don’t know for you guys, but one of my biggest inhibitors is no physical contact. When I can’t even playfully nudge someone, or they can’t touch me without them getting awkward about it, it shows me that it may not work out. When I can playfully nudge someone it makes me feel more at ease and comfortable with the guy I’m talking to. If you never gradually break the touch barrier, you may forever remain in a personal space distance from each other.
Things guys have done right:
Initiated hugs after the first interaction (instantly setting up hugging goodbye as a norm between the two of us).
Held my hand.
Put their arm around me.

Things I would do if I was a guy with no clue how to subtly break that touch barrier:
• Sometimes a formal handshake as you first meet each other and introduce yourselves could be the first step. I would initiate the hand shake as the guy, but grasp their hand in a firm but gentle way you could imagine in some kind of old fashion princess movie. (Like the princess diaries). Maybe even a kiss on the hand if your that quirky and bold.
• Throughout the conversation if they say something, maybe play pretend that your offended or that that was mean of them to say (possibly just shocking) and use this as an excuse to tap/ gently slap their arm or playfully nudge them.
• If they have any soft clothes on, feel the material and comment on it.
• If they have a beautiful or cool piece of jewelry touch it and comment on it. (If they are wearing earrings, don’t touch studs though, focus on only touching dangly earrings. Unless the studs have a unique texture to them).
• If their hair looks really soft that day, say exactly that, and run one hand through a bit of it.
• hug goodbye after the first time of meetings, maybe a few times after if you’re too nervous.
• if there is a large crowd, use this as an excuse to help guide her through the crowd while also sticking together, by putting your hand on her lower back.

#2 “if I were a guy”: look at me dammit

#2 “if I were a guy”: look at me dammit.
I continued to talk to the same “cutie with the eyes,” and sadly found more points on how I would woo me better.
I know a lot of us are shy as hell around people we find intimidating, attractive, or someone we like, but there is a certain point where you should at the very least try to have a few lingering stares amidst the conversation.
So “cutie with the eyes” and I were talking. He appeared either nervous or just clueless, and we were having a conversation while sitting beside each other, but we never made eye contact.
So here is what I would have done as the guy nervous as hell to maintain eye contact:
• face your fears. Attempt to make eye contact at the very least.
• stare into the person’s eyes for a few seconds at a time to get acclimated to it.
• get up the guts to just admit that you need a little help because you can’t seem to maintain eye contact even when you want to because you’re so nervous.
• challenge the person to a staring contest. You must stare into their eyes to know when they blink.

Hopefully a guy who can’t seem to maintain eye contact can benefit from these tips. The staring contest would be a sure fire way to create a more relaxed playful competitive vibe.
Not maintaining eye contact could be one of the reasons she doesn’t go on a date with you, or doesn’t even choose to remain friends.

“If I were a guy”: talking etiquette 101

Prelude to the beginning of a series of blogs: “If I were a guy.”

So many times I have uttered the words “if I were a guy,” and then I continued on explaining out loud how a guy could totally woo me given the same scenarios they have found themselves in with me, and explain that if I were a guy I would’ve been able to snag someone (or at least someone like me) perfectly in that precise situation.
I give all these in depth tips, but I never write them down or do anything to preserve the ideas once they’re out of my mind.
I’m going to start shifting the main focus on my blog to the blog series “If I were a guy.” I will have a regular blog posting every so often, and this time it will actually have some type of theme and direction. I hope you all find it entertaining, helpful, or at the very least enjoyable.
Random thought: I just realized that I hardly use the word enjoyable, enjoy, and other forms of that word… I should really use it more often as an alternative to like.

#1 “if I were a guy”: talking etiquette 101.
Let’s begin at the very first spark of inspiration I had for this series. At the beginning of the semester I met “the cutie with the eyes.”
Here’s what he did right:
• He was mysterious.
• He wasn’t overtly thirsty (for those of you who don’t know what thirsty means, it basically means desperate, or ready to fool around with any willing body).
• He just kept to himself and stayed focused on studying.
• He had a calm presence.

Now the first interaction was good because he left himself as an intriguing mystery to me.

Then we began talking through text between when we’d see each other… And that’s where people can make their biggest mistakes and lose the person they’re after.
The question game (or 21 questions, or whatever you may call it) is a great game, don’t get me wrong, but it needs to be used sparingly.

What I would have done in the situation, if I were a guy:
• I would have started it of with possibly a explanation of how I found the certain person interesting and wanted to get to know them better, and maybe throw in even a non sexual compliment (e. g. you have such beautiful eyes. It may be a little bit of a come on, but it’s far more different than calling the new friend of yours beautiful or pretty, running the risk that they don’t find you as attractive as you find them), or some kind of unique compliment they may have never heard before
• I would have asked to play the question game, but I would make sure I never said the horrible line “you can go first.” I feel that in a situation like this, if you begin to pursue a girl, don’t throw all the work on her to get it rolling and expect it to actually prosper. She may not even be sure about you. So take the initiative and lead.
• Once the question game got rolling I would focus in on the things I gathered from what I asked, and I would try and talk about those things so that we can talk on a more personal level rather than an interview style where there are mainly questions and less discussion.
• I would leave keeping them feel intrigued, not at a low point where they leave the conversation desperate to get away because they’re so bored.

And that my dear readers, is what I would do “if I were a guy”.

Whispers in the shadows

I’ve recently began college classes once more, and I’ve made an interesting observation. It’s not news, but now it’s more confirmed. Throughout my life I’ve noticed that a lot of people whisper about you as you walk past, and sometimes you don’t even notice. I have personally had it happen a lot due to being an identical twin. Though just recently, I found myself whispering about someone else. I saw a guy with a dark olive tan complexion contrasting with the most beautiful green eyes. All I could think was “damn he has beautiful eyes, and he probably doesn’t even realize it.” I whispered to my twin and told her about the green eyed guy sitting across the way. We whispered among ourselves about his gorgeous eyes as he sat in his own world. He had head phones in, and was writing away in his spiral notebook. He had no clue he was being secretly complimented. I used to believe that people who don’t voice their admirations aloud were not taking advantage of a perfect opportunity to make someone’s day with a genuine compliment. Now I know it’s a completely different story being on the admiring end. When you see a person with captivating eyes, you don’t just walk up to them, tap their shoulder (they take out their headphones), and then say “you have such amazing eyes.” Because such a compliment could be perceived as rather creepy and a little bit delving compared to General observing. Your eyes are particularly one of the most personal parts of your body that can be admired out of all. You can’t stare deep into someone’s a** and evoke any deep penetrating emotion from just a signal stare. So even going up and saying that a person has nice eyes is an intimidating prospect. The one thing I’ve observed though is that all eyes typically are very unique and attractive in their own way, though some jump ahead of the rest due to how remarkable they are. Which brings me back to how intimidating of a theory it would be to go up and compliment such a stunning pair of eyes. Back to my main point though. Many people watch and observe us, some negatively and others positively. One thing I don’t think many of notice is that it happens way more frequently than we may suspect. If I’m sitting in the heart of a building for classes, trying to get my studying done, odds are, I’ll be looking up from my book at the first sight of movement around me. I’m too curious for my own good, and so are a great majority of us. We watch others, form opinions, watch more people, and repeat. Some of us are more vocal to the group were surrounded by, when we see someone who particularly catches our eye. So if your the shy quiet type who is in their own world studying, you may think you’ve blocked yourself from the outside world momentarily, but you’ll never push it out. No matter how blocked off you are, you still may be admired for purely that reason. You’re not looking desperately for the attention or pea-coking yourself for the outside world, and that’s the draw. I’ve already been captivated by two quiet, “in-their-own-world-ers.” So the next time your all down because you don’t receive any compliments, just remember that there are whispers in the shadows all around you.

Random thoughts

These are just random thoughts that run through my head. Guys please don’t be offended, cause I may be far off when it comes to guys like you, but in my experience with certain guys, this is what I have come to think about.

I wonder how guys seem to never dwell on past regrets. Letting a lover slip from their hands. They never seem to want that old touch, those old feelings again, to all be theirs once more. Some even seem to give up without a fight. Without ever screaming to the world that she may have been the one and now he sees it, and now he regrets letting it all go. Do you men ever fantasize of the what if’s? What if you tried harder to keep her? What if you showed her that she meant the world to you? What if you had loved her right? That perfect woman slipped through your finger tips into a new and gentle loving man, one who is going to treat her right. He’ll shower her with love and tell her how much he cares for her every day. But the sad part is, it will all be a facade. They’ll never have the lust, the chemistry, the passion, the undying everlasting love that you two had. Though that won’t be apparent to her. All she’ll see is that he expresses the emotion that she had always wished you would. Though they were empty declarations, they still worked because she just wanted to know that she was appreciated by her man. Some may think that running into the arms of a new man who she doesn’t even have the same raw emotion with just because he tells her she’s special, is quite pathetic. But it’s all human nature. No one wants to feel unimportant. We all want to feel of value, especially to the ones that mean everything to us. So sue her for wanting to feel appreciated for once by a man. Not many men seem to know how to love a woman right, but that’s ok. The few that do are a god send, and are fully appreciated by all woman kind. But the saddest part is that they don’t always find the real love, they just seem to make any kind of love last. Being content, yet not blissful is surely a terrible state I’d say. That’s why we fall for the ones we probably shouldn’t fall for. Typically the relationships with the most love are the hardest. Not because it’s healthy and perfect, because they’re surely far from it. But at the point where you know someone may not do anything, may not even put any effort into going to those lengths, just being them is all it takes. They’re your drug, and you’re instantly hooked. You can’t help but love them the way you do. No matter what happens, no matter what length of time, there’s always that eternal flame inside of you that burns bright with love for them. The flame may even cause pain, singeing your insides, but nevertheless, it all comes with the package of love you will always have for them, ready to deliver to their door step when it’s the right time.

Timing’s a bitch

You say that the timings not right, and you’re going to be busy… So we decide to stay just friends, with hopes of getting back together when there’s more time and things get less complicated.
The days go on and we go our separate ways. The first few months pass and it feels as though nothing is ever going to change, we hold onto the past never moving forward. When we take into realization the lack of progress, we make a self induced 180. We drastically change ourselves, trying to make up for the wasted months. We develop new patterns of thought to feel something new. Some things reflect the new perspectives we gained, others are there to replace that feeling of “not quite right”. Those “not quite right” thoughts aren’t apparent to us though. We don’t see that we’ve changed in some ways that aren’t representative of who we are, who we wanted to be, who we thought we were. You and I meet other people who believe that those new perspectives are a reflection of the real us. We create bonds over those things. We meet other people, and our worlds seem to grow farther apart. We aren’t who we once were. We’ve been changing at different paces, and haven’t managed to stay in sync. When we said goodbye, we also said goodbye to our common world. Our world’s without each other may have seemed only slightly different, but the difference was enough to shape us in ways that would drag us in separate directions.
It’s not that what we once had wasn’t strong, or wasn’t real. It was that we had to accept not having each other for a while. Accepting we couldn’t be together temporarily made it simpler to picture a never together. We could have been great. Our connection could have flourished.
Much like humans don’t leave a plant for a year though, and expect to find that plant instantly revived when they come to water it and give it sunlight after all that time. The plant was left in the dark all of that time. It lost hope day after day, wondering if it would survive without sun and water the entire year. It started to search its resources to find ways to stay alive. It took from the moisture in the soil, and the dirt as a place to stand comfortably and heartily. Eventually it can’t survive on what was once there before, and it slowly withers.
We come back to each other though after all of that time. We tell each other about our new lives without each other. If we would have predicted this moment a year ago, we would’ve told you that we’d jump into each others arms. We’d be eager to have each other after that painful wait. We’d finally indulge in each others bodies, we’d express the feelings we had to neglect for so long, we’d be surrounding by a whirlwind of passions… Happy tears would slowly run down our cheeks as we moved in sync touching all along each others bodies…. At once we could be together…
Here we are in this moment finally though, and I tell you about my life. I say “I met people, they’ve changed me. I’m no longer the girl you knew. I’m a fully developed woman now. I have connected with other guys. You know how I was pure when you met me? Well I’m quite tarnished now. I don’t resent the guys for what they shared with me, what they taught me, what they showed me…. I’ve leaned a lot I guess. They were deemed “appropriate” by society, but it didn’t make it feel any less wrong. I wish I could go back and rewrite how it all happened. If only we knew we’d change so much, we’d be so different, we’d have met new people, ended up falling in love with someone different than we thought we would….”
I tell you about him. The guy that is my future. You tell me about her…
We both feel numb to the sadness of not being able to be together. That feeling has been too repetitive to feel painful any longer. That part that was hanging onto the future between us has been calloused, protecting it from the old feelings. We go our separate ways, but this time we walk out of each others lives forever with no promise of a reunion 1 year from then…