More random things in my life

I have realized I have now created a pattern for myself. Right when someone breaks up with me, the next day, someone I am interested in always asks me out! So I go from breaking up with someone, strait to another relationship in a matter of days. The thing is, I don’t even give guys an inch of interest during that time, cuz I’m still in the break up mindset. But they always ask me out. If I wasn’t asked out by the guys I’m interested in, I’d be the type of person who would actually stay single for a while. Honestly though, with my track record, I think it’s impossible. I guess I’m to flirty without thinking about it, so when guys hear I’m single they decide to take a chance and ask me out. I don’t know…haha.

Another thing my lovely followers, and random passers bye. I have come to find in my few relationships that sometimes you can be with a person and think you know them, but you may not. You may think someone loves you because they say so, they may not. We all are constantly evolving as people, and sometimes our emotions and feelings decide to change to. Which results in changed feelings for someone you may have initially though you loved. We think that we know how to guard our heart, but we usually don’t. We think we’re intuitive and know if someone is genuine or fake. I don’t think we can ever see or predict how relationships will be. That’s why I believe we all might as well love with the fullest capacity of ours hearts. Although, these realizations also make me realize that as a virgin, if you think the person you give your virginty to will be with you forever, you may be wrong. Adding that aspect into it all brings about an even bigger let down. By doing that, you were vulnerable in every way. Only you know your own true intentions. The people we come across on life know their intentions as well, but we can never be sure that we truly know what theirs are. On the contrary, the people around you don’t know why your intentions are either. Moral of the story: give your heart to everyone you meet, not your V card. Your heart may hurt emotionally from a breakup, but losing your V card hurts in all ways.

Goodnight my readers. I must go to sleep, because my eyes are closing at this very second :p haha.

The story of my first kiss

The story starts like any other first kiss, we tried to find a place to be alone so that it wouldn’t be awkward or humiliating for me (because I’m pretty sure he had had his first kiss before). Or awkward and uncomfortable for anyone around who happened to see.
We found a room with no one in it, it had bookshelves formed into cubby holes, some mops, brooms, and a dust pan. We just walked around in the empty room together for a while and discussed whether or not I wanted to do it (because I was nervous). I told him that I wanted to, but I didn’t know. He simply replied “oh,” in an understanding non-pressuring tone. We just walked around some more and made little comments about the room.
Then he brought up showing me his abs, because I had asked to see them one time while we were messaging. The options he presented were: shirt completely off, or to just pull up his shirt a little bit. I decided on option number 1. Once he took off his shirt I couldn’t help but stare at his abs. So I gave myself a little while to ogle at them, but then quickly averted my eyes from them, and looked in his eyes. He looked at me looking a little nervous, as he posed the idea of whether I wanted to kiss him or not. I told him yet again, that I felt like I may be to nervous do it that night. He took me into a hug and just held me against him. After a while he said “I love you,” and I replied “I love you too,” that was the first time we had said it in person to each other, other than that we had only said it in text. While we were embraced I told him I wanted to kiss him and that I was so nervous. Then he said something that made me shift my face up to look at his lips for a little. We heard kids in the other room and I repeated what one of them said, then mufasa B said “what?” and then I replied “one of the kids said it haha.” While we were hugging, I felt him move his face a bit too. Then he also pointed out that I was shaking, which I hadn’t realized myself. I guess it was because I was nervous about whether or not I could kiss well.
A few minutes must had gone by while we were hugging, by then. I started to feel his hands slowly moving their way down my back inching close and closer to my butt. I said “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” when his hands had only made their way to a little below the waistline of my spandex workout pants. His hands retracted a bit and he froze, as he was about to say “what?” I quickly cut him off and explained my killing of the mood “I have a pad on, so it would probably feel weird if you accidentally touched it. I mean you can if you want to, but it may feel weird.” He continued on slowly, with sliding his hands down as he said “it doesn’t matter. As long as your fine with it?” he stopped a little as he said the last part, but then I confirmed that he could go on “yeah, I’m fine with it.” When both of his hands both had made their to my butt, nearly covering it with their size, he started a sort of kneading motion with his hands that felt great. “is this ok?” he asked. “yup” I replied.
During each knead he pulled our pelvises closer and closer together, and I tightened my arms around him to give him the message that I wanted to be closer I just was a little nervous and wasn’t thinking of what I could do with my hands.
I think once he found a rhythm with the kneading and pulling me closer he got a little more comfortable with the idea of kissing me, because he to was in fact, nervous as well. So when I accidentally gave the opportunity, he took it. I had shifted my head up to look at his lips again, and he swooped in with his lips before I could even think twice about it. It was good that he acted on instinct, because that was just the kind of push I needed to stop thinking about it and just dive in. His lips were full and smooth and had a completely unexpected quality to them. They felt soft, plump, and moist. We locked lips for about three to five presses before I started feeling his mouth part and his tongue trying to make its way into my mouth. I clumsily pulled my face back and said “I don’t know how to use tongue,” then he replied something along the lines of “it doesn’t matter,” “I don’t really either,” or something else. He brought his mouth to mine just seconds after, most likely knowing I still wasn’t daring enough to restart for the two of us. We locked lips again and I just went for it with the tongue part, which he didn’t reject, so it must have been good enough haha.
“Do u want to go over into the corner and sit?” he asked when we parted from our second kiss. “sure” I said with a grin on my face as I slightly bit my lip. He sat down against the wall. Then I looked at him trying to read if I was going to position myself the way he was hoping for. I just wung it and decided to straddle his lap. I inched my self farther and farther up his waist so that we were as close as possible. “So this is how it feels to be the tall one… Haha” I said, then he replied with “yeah haha,” before placing his lips on mine once again. I tilted my head to the right and draped my wrists around his neck. That is when we went into full swing with the tongue and I started to figure it out a bit. I mainly just moved my tongue around in his mouth and tried to play with his tongue a bit, too. Throughout the kiss I heard him moan a few times, and with that cue I would kiss him a little more intensely. During the kissing he put his hands back to my butt and started kneading them again. But then his hands slowly were making their way up my sides, under my shirt. He didn’t move his hands past the no-go zone before he said “just tell me when I should stop,” referring to how far his hands could go. I thought to myself about it and decided that even though I’d be fine with as far as he wanted to go with his hands, that I was going to put restrictions on it, since it was in fact a first kiss with someone I didn’t know extremely well. I trusted him to go as far with his hands as he wanted, but I didn’t want to come across as to easy, neither did I want to even be easy. So I said “when you feel fabric, just stop…” knowing that he would get my drift. I was wearing a black sports bra under a sort of mesh kind of white see through long sleeved shirt. So when I said fabric I meant when he got to the bottom of my sports bra, that he wasn’t to go any further. With that we got back to kissing and his hands stayed in the areas I had allowed, but they defiantly weren’t the most inoccent of areas. I started to realize that when his hands made their way to a little more than just my butt, down there, because I could in fact still feel it his hands in that area, even though I had a pad on. Everything felt nice to me though, so I didn’t reject it, because he didn’t go all that far with it. As we kept making out I kept nudging my body farther and farther up his waist to get closer to him. Then I felt his legs bend in to bring me closer. All the while, he still had his shirt off. Throughout the kisses there were a few moments where I would lean back and look around the corner if we thought we heard someone coming in the room. After one kiss in particular, I remember we put our foreheads against each other’s and I stared down into his eyes. When he looked up to me his eyes looked all pure, and innocent, and so genuine, that I couldn’t help but melt a little inside. Another moment we parted, I remember him moving his face closer to my chest, and slightly pressing his face into it.
I don’t remember when, but during one of those moments when I looked back around the corner, we both stood up. Then when we went back into the corner area and started kissing again. Suddenly out of nowhere he seemingly effortlessly picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He leaned his back against the wall and started sliding us back down to our original position. Soon we realized once we had made it down to the floor, that my knees were bent into his arm pits, so I grabbed both of my legs and bent them under me, on either side, back into the original position. Then we got back to kissing. A little bit more happened, but I can’t quite remember it all.

And that my dear readers is the story of my first kiss haha. Have a good night everyone :p.

My life lately

Hello my wonderful followers! 🙂

I was thinking about it, and the majority of my posts are about random topics. For today though, I’d like to tell you what kind of junk I’ve been dealing with this past week.

So the main thing is that I just broke up with my boyfriend,OT, last night. Actually let me rephrase that, he broke up with me. He decided to call it quits for reasons that weren’t under my control. The most messed up part of it all though, is that I’ve heard from multiple people he was starting to hold hands and flirt it up with another girl, a few days before he broke up with me. Something also messed up was that after around 4 or 5 months of being together, he was completely emotionless and cold when he was breaking up with me. He didn’t care that at the time he was shattering my heart, or about the way I viewed him as well. His character in the end was nothing like the charming sweet guy I met in the first place. But what can I say, even sociopaths are very charming. I don’t know why he didn’t believe it was worth what we felt for each other, to just break it off because we had no control over our circumstances, but I don’t even care now. The guy I thought he was has disappeared, and I’m not even sure ‘that guy’ ever existed. Everyone’s true colors show eventually, and I guess he just got some pretty shitty colors so he decided trying on a rainbow jacket to mask them. I’m now starting to think that I may have possibly gotten played for the first time in my life. I can’t see why he chose me to be the victim of his false hoods, but I guess all animals have their own specific prey. 

One odd thing is, I had cried out a bit of my sadness, twice, on different nights before he finally took me out of the emotional limbo and just ended it. But then the night he broke up with me, I cried for under a half an hour, and ever since I’ve just kind of put him out of my mind. I’ve had quite a good day in result of that.

Now onto my next weird partial-dilemma. The guy I mentioned in my dilemma post, my ex, turns out to be the guy I’m questioning possibly getting back into a relationship with. You all must be like “are you crazy?! You want to get back with an ex? seriously?”. One of the reasons is, our first kiss was actually quite amazing. I remember tasting him in my mouth all night after we parted. The good kind of taste, it probably was the best taste I’ve ever had sit in my mouth that long. He also smelled like some type of delicious cologne that he had put on that night. It got on my clothes and on my hair, so whilst I was still tasting him all night, his scent never faded. It was such an awesome first kiss that I wrote down exactly how it went in a note on my phone, so maybe I’ll edit it up a bit, and post that tonight as well.

The thing about my ex though, is that I don’t know if I want to get back together or not. Also, the choice wouldn’t be mine, it would be his. I don’t know though, I always thought the getting back with your ex when you suddenly realize you clicked with him the most all along thing, is kinda cliche. I’ve just always wondered what the appeal was, because I’m just the type of person to say what’s done is done, and will not change. I didn’t break up with him because we were dysfunctional in any way. I did it because in my eyes he was to busy with his life to make the time I wanted him to make, to be able talk to me and see me.

That’s all I have to say about those two boys and my issues in my life right now, but I will say that with OT, I’m thinking it all was just a big lie that I fell for.

Happy blogging my peeps!! 😛

Relationships and a paper for finals

Relationships are like writing a very important paper for the end of a semester, to determine whether you pass or fail that class. You may get right on top of it and get it all done and have all that time in between the deadline unburdened form your paper. But you never check and edit your work to perfection, gradually, with all that time you just made. Then there is the procrastinator, who will keep pushing off the task of writing it until he has to turn it in the next day, and then paper isn’t fulfilled, it’s empty, and displays the shallow amount of knowledge that was grasped during his cram session. Those two people turn in the paper and hope for the best, finally realizing that this is huge for their final grade. Too Little, too late. Once they get that paper back marked with an F they shake their heads, and still don’t realize they were the problem, it was never their paper.
The proper way to write a paper is to use all the time you have until your deadline, to ration out days of writing and studying for your paper. You have time to let it grow and flourish, devolving into a master piece. People wonder why you spent so much time on that paper when you could have been indulging in the selfish affairs of life. All you tell them is that you knew with just that right effort you could create a gorgeous paper.
They all laugh, but your smile never fades. You realize that you know something they don’t, and they may just never understand what it truly takes to create that type of master piece.

The third person truly knows how to treat someone (the fictitious paper), in a relationship.

Bye bye readers, this was just a random comparison I thought I’d share :p.

Press pause or reset

Do you press pause or reset? When two people date for a few months or longer, but then breakup, what do they do if they get back together? Is it assumed that you resume where you left off, or clear the slate, pushing a further commitment farther in the future?
This situation was brought up in a show that I’ve mentioned before, called “how I met your mother”. The main character Ted was dating a girl that I shall keep anonymous (for fellow HIMYM watchers who haven’t seen the episode), and she kept dropping hints about a further commitment. Because she felt that the months they dated before should count as well.
Personally I think that you should probably resume rather than reset. You already know each other, and how you’ve felt before. If you both come back together agreeing that you made a mistake and are meant to be together, you shouldn’t wait and wait before you commit further. Although you should delve into what the cause of your break up was. Leaving that problem behind could just cause it to resurface later on in your relationship.

That’s all I can think of on that topic for now, but if you have your own points on why you should reset or press pause feel free to comment below :p.

Bye my fellow bloggers :).

Monogamy

All of my thoughts and points I make in this post are not to judge those of you are into/ ok with these types of relationships. If you’ve cheated in the past or have cheated in the present, I don’t want you to take this as a jab at the way you lived and choose to live your life. This post is just me explaining my point of view on the subject of monogamy and why I prefer it.

I don’t know why, but I’ve never liked the thought of dating many people, and then choosing my favorite. I’m not saying that having a selection of various guys to choose from and kiss, before making my decision, doesn’t sound nice. What doesn’t appeal to me though, is that while I would get to kiss whomever I want, they would also kiss who ever they wanted as well. Naturally, I am also just not a person who could kiss multiple people during the same week, month, or whatever time period it may be, with a clear conscience.  Also, you may get into a relationship with someone while they still feel something for someone they were just casually dating. I condone chatting around, and flirting around with multiple people as a form of ‘dating’, but sleeping around and kissing multiple people is just not something I agree with. In addition to my points above, is that having multiple romantic interests is germ city if you decide to go kiss and sleep with all of them. Kissing many people could give you: mono, aids (can be passed through cuts in the mouth), sicknesses/ colds, and other stuff I cant remember at this moment. Sleeping around could give you: one word…. everything.. Now, I’m not going to tell anyone else not to participate in the thicker (hard to get out of sticky situations pertaining to feelings) form of dating.

I watched this show one time ,where this girl was dating this man for a few weeks. During those weeks, she had naturally assumed that they were ‘going steady’.They had gone out on dinner dates, shared time at her place, shared mutual satisfaction at her place (sex), along with a couple other things. Come to find out, she discovers either through meeting another woman, or seeing another message from a woman that he was dating, that there was another woman, in addition to her. Shortly after her discovery, she confronts him. He tells her that he’s dating multiple woman, other than the one other woman, and her. All I could think was “that douche……“. I know that they hadn’t officially declared the status of their relationship, but they had been dating for 1-6 months (I’m not sure the exact length). Just think about it this way though…. teenagers now make sure they clarify with someone who asks them to be their boyfriend or girlfriend, if they mean ‘exclusively’. 

Now onto Monogamy in official relationships!!! 😀 …..i. e. cheating, open relationships, and the whole shebang!

For the rest of my life, I will never personally get into an open relationship, or stay with someone who serially cheats on me (maybe I wont even give them a second chance after just once..). When I think about being in a relationship and in love, I see myself only desiring my partner, and wanting to give only them my love. I feel that if love is given out to every person you are in contact with, equally, you will never really find a true love. If a kid made his mom a special picture and then as a way of showing her gratitude, she hugged him. Then proceeded to hug all of her other children directly after she hugged her little boy. He wouldn’t see that as a way she appreciated his gift, he would think it was as if there was never even a gift he had given. That’s the way I feel like it would be for someone to tell their partner that they truly love them (because they have that fictitious ‘gift’ they gave, which in this case is their unique love). Then go on to tell their partner they want to share the love and happiness they feel towards their partner to a ton of other people too. There is only so much love we can give, until all of  the recipients start to feel gypped. Our love running thin, is close in contrast to a mother with many, many children. She wont have much time to give to each one what they desire, because she needs to give that love to the rest of her children she loves.

Onto cheating….. why do people do it? Just why…..?!?! The main causes of cheating come from a deficit in the relationship, in compatibility (one of them wants an open relationship, so forcefully creates the situation for them self), or thrill of having many people desiring them, etc. It’s quite a selfish act…. it’s self indulgent, lack of thought for your partners feelings, and using another person to fill whatever void you may have. If you cheat because of a deficit in your relationship, don’t go searching for total fulfillment in two parts (two different women, or men). Respect your partner and end your relationship. Then, find complete fulfillment, with just one partner. Now, if you cheat conscientiously and then tell your partner you’re sorry and want another chance, you should keep in mind that if you truly wanted to keep your partner in the first place, you wouldn’t have done anything to mess with your relationship.

Now that you have fully read this, I would like to remind you of this, still no judging! :p. Just thought I’d share my perspective. I watched a video today that touched on this topic a bit, so it made me think to write a post of my own about it.

Adiós fellow bloggers! 🙂