Misunderstood

At the moment I’m listening to music in my favorite setting- head phones in, music blasting, laying on my bed, typing this post on my phone. Recently I’ve found myself intrigued by the music of Abel Tesfaye. For those of you don’t know, he is the singer who goes by the name “the weeknd.” The first song I heard of his actually rubbed me the wrong way, but a few weeks ago, I heard another song of his that I liked a lot, and I decided to further investigate his music. Now his style is just the same in all of his songs as the first song I heard by him, but my outlook has changed. The messages in his songs are a little derogatory and misogynistic at first glance. Though I believe there is an underlying tone to his songs that hold some validity to them– then again, maybe I’m simply trying to find a reason to justify why they appeal to me. Though I don’t appreciate how he sings about sleeping around, and with multiple people at a time, I feel that his motives aren’t simply black or white. As many musicians probably experience, he’s faced with the prospect of encountering women who put him on a pedestal, or chase him for the status or money that comes along with him. In this situation, most could probably see how it would be difficult to truly connect with people, because it’s not very often that he’ll encounter someone who sees him for who he truly is- Abel tesfaye, the guy who skipped town one weekend, never looking back. He wasn’t raised in a perfect family- he earned his fame by being uniquely him, it wasn’t handed down to him, he wasn’t simply the son of people who had connections in the industry. He’s a complex character, and quite secretive on top of that. Though, he exposes little parts of himself, his personality, and his nature, in every single song. He doesn’t produce songs for the entire world to approve of. He creates them to express what he’s gone through, and what he’s going through. 

But back to how he alludes to sleeping around with many women at a time. For all we know, he could be hung up on one girl, and since her, he’s been unable to connect with anyone in the same way. Maybe no one takes the time to truly get to know what comprises Abel tesfaye. I don’t know about you, but that would lead me to just sleep around for the rest of my life if I didn’t believe anyone cared to know who I was, or could even begin to compare to the love and connection I once felt for someone else. 

I will say one thing though- even though his music is overtly sexual, and conveys an appeal of the forbidden, I actually enjoy that aspect of it. Like in his song “where you belong.” In this song, he basically tells this girl, it doesn’t matter who she’s with when he’s gone, because when he’s back in town, she belongs to him. There is a possessive tone the entire song that screams that she is all his. In general I would say that a loose grip on the one you love is the best approach (like how you wouldn’t want to grip to tightly on a handful of sand), but he approaches this differently. It’s not out of insecurity that he grips on tight. It’s more in a passionate, ownership, lustful kind of way. And though in some instances, ownership isn’t necessarily a positive thing to everyone, because autonomy and all of that, it’s in a different way. He doesn’t “own her” own her. It’s kind of like in the werewolf books. How they all have the one person that is their soulmate that they were destined for, and they say “mine” while gripping on tightly to their love. It’s ownership from a place of passion, not aggression or control. 

I would say that “the weeknd” is an acquired taste for sure. He is dominant, overtly sexual, and uniquely himself, not bending for the approval of the masses. 

The only complaint I would have is that he doesn’t do many interviews. Though that kind of adds an appeal to his whole persona. It challenges people to get to know who he is through his music, and not simply through random words he said in response to an interview question designed to trigger a controversial, or tabloid worthy answer. 

Explicit 

DISCLAIMER: For those of you who heavily participate in bdsm, or for those of you who don’t condone any activity of the sort, I don’t claim to be an expert on the topic, so take all that I say with a grain of salt. This is just me rambling about bdsm, based on the knowledge I have gathered. 
      As a result of the controversial movie “fifty shades of grey,” people have been acquainted with a new genre of sex (if they hadn’t heard of it beforehand): bdsm. Hopefully, those who had already been acquainted before the movie could identify between real abuse and actual bdsm, which involves “scenes.” Before I go into this topic fully, I’ll define the acronym for those who don’t know what the letters stand for. B- bondage. D- dominance. S- sadism (gets pleasure from inflicting physical/ emotional pain). M- masochism (gets pleasure from receiving physical/ emotional pain). Before I begin, I’d like to clarify that the relationship in fifty shades of grey isn’t in any way a representation of actual bdsm relationships. Yes he had the red room, the whips, the chains, the bindings, and all of the toys, but he took the sadism into the relationship not just the sex. The beauty of bdsm is that you live your ordinary life, functioning as a regular couple (caring, intimate, affectionate, encouraging, and accepting), then in privacy, you both have the opportunity to relinquish a part of you that is suppressed, or nonexistent in your everyday life.
       Many people humor b and d, but when it gets into s and m, many shy away, with good reason. There are particular couples comprised of two very secure individuals (who also share a deep mutual trust), that can lead a healthy bdsm lifestyle with one another. There are others who feed into their current insecurities, and as a result only heighten them. That’s not saying that the first couple doesn’t use it to deal with those unpleasant emotions, but it typically involves past insecurities that they’ve already rid themselves of. 
      The nice thing about b and d, is that the basic concept is hard to misconstrue, and it’s generally within long term couple’s comfort zone. If a couple simply want to divulge in their naughty sides, this is the perfect way to do it. It amplifies the extremes of dominant and submissive, by using restraints on the submissive. It’s a turn on for the submissive, because they’ve relinquished all control and put all of their trust in their partner. For the dominant, this demonstrates to them that their partner can trust them, and also serves to turn them on because they have full control and free range to indulge and appreciate every inch of their partner’s body. Role play can be incorporated into this, most likely involving a consensual rape fantasy of sorts (girls are into it… Don’t ask why). Actually, you should ask why… My hypotheses as of two seconds ago is this- perhaps the men we’ve been exposed to, or the guys we have dated have been a little too gentle so to speak… Or possibly indirect/ passive in their approach. Maybe your man isn’t assertive enough… A consensual rape fantasy incorporates a lot of turn ons. Domination- this allows a girl to feel deeply desired, because the lust the dominant demonstrates passes the point of his control to where he can’t contain himself any longer. Fear- pseudo fear could provide an adrenaline rush, as the couple become so immersed in their roles that they begin to see each other as strangers (for the scene). Forbidden- sleeping with strangers is quite taboo, being fucked “against your will” by a stranger and liking it is even more taboo. (Men can also take on the submissive role, while the girl takes on a dominatrix role, so the roles don’t have to possess a gender necessarily).
       S and m… This is the grey area of bdsm for sure. This is commonly where you’ll derive those who are absolutely transfixed with bdsm, and those who despise it. An example of the role play that could go on with s and m would be sex slave/ master, and teacher/ student (both of these could also be boiled down to just b and d, but the concept of each provides room to incorporate mind games, mental play, and punishments as well). For sex slave/ master, the master controls the scene- what they do, who does it, and when. If the sex slave doesn’t comply or disobeys to orders, degradation or punishment is provided. As far as teacher/ student role play goes, the teacher could use a ruler for punishments, or insult the students intelligence. 
        To some, those scenes could be more enjoyed with the s and m cut out, and just the forbidden quality heightened with b and d. 
        When you begin to imagine the scenes I described throughout this post, you may begin to question the mental health of those who participate in bdsm. Though it may not be apparent at first inspection, bdsm can serve to strengthen a couples trust, and also provide a mental release while taking on a controversial role. Both an overly dominant person, as well as an overly submissive person wouldn’t be accepted by society, and isn’t generally organic in nature. Though which ever extreme you lie closest to, you may feel the desire to reverse your role. Maybe you lead a life of high status and power, but you still feel you lack control- you can be a dominant. You may also not choose that route, and you may choose to be a submissive because you’re tired of attempting to control everything. Then you may have a person who may live in the middle of the extremes, but takes on a lot of responsibility. It may be nice to relinquish all control to someone else for a while, and allow someone else to run things. 
        Bdsm is not for everybody. Some love it, some hate it. It is simply another kink to consider if things are coming to a halt in your sex life with your partner, or if you are naturally curious and enjoy experimentation.