Too unfiltered? 

Hello everyone. Recently I’ve noticed that I’ve become a little tactless with my writing and posting. For those of you who dislike the particular blogs I’ve posted on a whim, I appologize. The writing I’ve done lately hasn’t been my best, because my mind is in search of inspiration and focus. At the moment, my thoughts are elsewhere and I’m a little preoccupied with that. If you have enjoyed the unfiltered postings though, there will be more to come, I can tell you that….

Though the title doesn’t allude to anything but that paragraph I wrote above, I’d like to discuss an idea with you all. Is insecurity the root of all evil? Now I know it may sound quite random, but I believe that insecurity causes a great deal of the problems in our interpersonal relations, as well as on a more global scale. Recently I’ve observed many insecure people. I’ve noticed that rather than acknowledging the true problem, they just bask in the glow of insecurity. Then they allow their friends and anyone within arms length to feel this fabulous glow they’re experiencing (I hope you all realize that’s sarcasm). The problem with this is that while we’re so preoccupied about how we aren’t meeting a standard (when someone or something else provides competition or jealousy), or how we posses a certain flaw (typically body image related or pertaining to a personality trait), we are so focussed on ourselves and how miserable we feel, that we project this anger and frustration onto innocent bystanders. We just assume that they know how terrible we have it, and that they’ll immediately adjust and not make the wrong move. Although much to their dismay, we have the special capability of finding frustration within even the smallest things. This is generally because insecurity brings out the defensive side of us all, so words and actions of others become easily misconstrued. You know, it’s quite funny how the more we begin to think about ourselves, the easier it is to make every little thing about us. It’s a pity party for 1, that no one else wants to be around for. Though things aren’t always so simple for those who have to endure an insecure person’s rath. There are just some people you’re forced to be around. Like family members, coworkers, and significant others. The ironic thing is that insecure people are so caught up in their feelings, that they’ll turn things on you. You do one small thing that rubs them the wrong way, and instantly you’re the jerk, you just caused all of the negative energy, and you need to stop being so rude, because they’re perfection. Ok that’s sarcasm… But it generally feels as though this antagonizer can’t see the freaking log in their eye, and can only notice the wood chips they blew on you. This is because they’re in denial. They already feel inadequate, so to add on the fact that they’re also being toxic towards others would just amplify their insecurity. 

I know it’s difficult to admit to affecting others happiness in this way, but those around you deserve to be treated lovingly. If you’re contstanlty a parana ready to rip off someone’s head, people will begin to leave you alone. Also, I just realized that insecurity and selfishness typically go hand in hand… So I’d like to to clonclude that I believe both selfishness and insecurity are the root of many problems within interpersonal relationships. 

Advertisements

My life lately

Hello my wonderful followers! 🙂

I was thinking about it, and the majority of my posts are about random topics. For today though, I’d like to tell you what kind of junk I’ve been dealing with this past week.

So the main thing is that I just broke up with my boyfriend,OT, last night. Actually let me rephrase that, he broke up with me. He decided to call it quits for reasons that weren’t under my control. The most messed up part of it all though, is that I’ve heard from multiple people he was starting to hold hands and flirt it up with another girl, a few days before he broke up with me. Something also messed up was that after around 4 or 5 months of being together, he was completely emotionless and cold when he was breaking up with me. He didn’t care that at the time he was shattering my heart, or about the way I viewed him as well. His character in the end was nothing like the charming sweet guy I met in the first place. But what can I say, even sociopaths are very charming. I don’t know why he didn’t believe it was worth what we felt for each other, to just break it off because we had no control over our circumstances, but I don’t even care now. The guy I thought he was has disappeared, and I’m not even sure ‘that guy’ ever existed. Everyone’s true colors show eventually, and I guess he just got some pretty shitty colors so he decided trying on a rainbow jacket to mask them. I’m now starting to think that I may have possibly gotten played for the first time in my life. I can’t see why he chose me to be the victim of his false hoods, but I guess all animals have their own specific prey. 

One odd thing is, I had cried out a bit of my sadness, twice, on different nights before he finally took me out of the emotional limbo and just ended it. But then the night he broke up with me, I cried for under a half an hour, and ever since I’ve just kind of put him out of my mind. I’ve had quite a good day in result of that.

Now onto my next weird partial-dilemma. The guy I mentioned in my dilemma post, my ex, turns out to be the guy I’m questioning possibly getting back into a relationship with. You all must be like “are you crazy?! You want to get back with an ex? seriously?”. One of the reasons is, our first kiss was actually quite amazing. I remember tasting him in my mouth all night after we parted. The good kind of taste, it probably was the best taste I’ve ever had sit in my mouth that long. He also smelled like some type of delicious cologne that he had put on that night. It got on my clothes and on my hair, so whilst I was still tasting him all night, his scent never faded. It was such an awesome first kiss that I wrote down exactly how it went in a note on my phone, so maybe I’ll edit it up a bit, and post that tonight as well.

The thing about my ex though, is that I don’t know if I want to get back together or not. Also, the choice wouldn’t be mine, it would be his. I don’t know though, I always thought the getting back with your ex when you suddenly realize you clicked with him the most all along thing, is kinda cliche. I’ve just always wondered what the appeal was, because I’m just the type of person to say what’s done is done, and will not change. I didn’t break up with him because we were dysfunctional in any way. I did it because in my eyes he was to busy with his life to make the time I wanted him to make, to be able talk to me and see me.

That’s all I have to say about those two boys and my issues in my life right now, but I will say that with OT, I’m thinking it all was just a big lie that I fell for.

Happy blogging my peeps!! 😛