Random rantingĀ 

I recently mentioned to you all that I’ve been writing a lot of things but posting very little, but after reviewing what I wrote, I’ve decided to post a few of them. 

So here’s my inner monologue from a week or so ago. At the moment, the tone of my thoughts is vastly different from the ones I wrote about below. This is a perfect example of just how varried my inner monologue can be day to day, and week to week. 

Typically normal instinct should lead me to talking to real people about my emotions, instead of trying with all my will to be simply be alone. But since I’ve been gone from writing for about two weeks I have been yearning to get back to it. To pour all of my thoughts and feelings into words and set them free. Over the past week I’ve found that I’m more introverted than I thought. I don’t enjoy constantly interacting with others from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. I have found I’m very drained. I haven’t let my true emotions show one bit. If I’m feeling even a little bit upset while we’re in the car, while we’re at the dinner table, I hide it with a smile. 

       For those of you who don’t know, I am staying in France for a while with the family of an exchange student my family hosted the past few summers. I am very appreciative of the opportunity and the things I am able to see and experience, but my mind is elsewhere at the moment. So instead of writing about France, I’ll be writing about my thoughts that I can’t voice aloud. It’s not that I don’t think they would allow me the time to rest or be alone, but I doubt they’d understand what on earth could be troubling me right now since nothing appears to be wrong. 

      I will touch on one thing about France. They are a little more structured and formal than what I’m used to. There are typically three long meals in a day, and throughout these meals and at the end of the meal, you typically stay until everyone is ready to leave the table (you could have been done eating two hours ago, and still not be done at the table). Now typically I would try to be as social as I can, but when I can’t honestly voice what I’m thinking, it’s quite draining.

There is one thing I am loving about France though. In the south you can be walking down the streets and see cats quite often. Some are cute and allow you to pet them, others are unsure, and then there are the ones that I probably wouldn’t risk approaching given their demeanor. Anyway, the reason I bring up cats is because no matter where I am, or what situation I’ve been put in, if I see an animal, it can always bring a smile to my face. These furry creatures we’ve all domesticated and taken into our homes are living with us in society for a reason. Animals don’t expect a hello or a goodbye, a drawn out conversation, a hand shake, a kiss on each cheek, or a hug. They simply wish you approach them with a calm demeanor if you are to approach them. They don’t need you to explain anything, their calming presence they lend to us is as causal to them as the furr on their back. Most of us know why animals need us, but some overlook the fact that we need them too. Sometimes we find ourselves locked in our room with thoughts flooding through our minds and we don’t want anyone to see us this way. We are shutting down. Socializing with a smile on your face is no longer possible. If anyone were to come in right now fear would course throughout your body; what would they think of you unfiltered, how would you explain this, what explanation would they expect from you, would you be forced to tell them the truth? Does the particular individual even deserve the truth? Would they even bother to console you, or cause you to doubt everything even more? The next thing you know, you see the door begin to open at an eerily slow rate, your heart begins to pound, the door is opening slowly but surely…… Then there’s a halt, it doesn’t open any more than a crack. Next thing you know a soft, fluffy form jumps onto your bed beside you. It’s your pet. The one that doesn’t ask the hard questions. The one that’s there for you no matter what it is. Your pet doesn’t know what’s going on, but it can recognize the turmoil that is going on inside your mind. 

Let me just stop this train of thought to let you know that it hasn’t even been but 10 minutes since I’ve sat down to write, and I’ve already been interrupted. And throughout that time I was sitting in the same room as the person who keeps interrupting this alone time…Just to give you a bit of perspective on the amount of alone time I have.

So after a half hour break I am now back to writing— I was interrupted again after I had just written about getting interrupted…

I’m not exactly sure where I was going with this, cause at the point of the interruptions I was taken away from my writing for too long to get back into the same mindset in order to finish the train of thought. The reason I wasn’t going to post this was because I  felt it was unstructured and random. Today when looking it over once more, I realized I might as well share every bit of my journey in France, whether it be described well or poorly.  

Endless summer

So far my summer has seemed never ending. The days have been usually long, but those that felt short probably were the best days I had this summer.

In the span of my summer days, I’ve had my days filled by the enjoyable job of entertaining an Exchange student from France. We went to the movies, pool, mountains, water park, gym (every week day), rock climbing, Washington DC, etc. Most of the activities I did this summer were meant to give my family’s new little French fry the experience of what some things are like in America. He, yes a he, even though I’m a girl, the same age as him…. tried most foods we have in America that I barely even eat regularly. He had Twinkies, pop tarts, gold fish (which was like his crack, he loved the stuff haha), burgers, Reece’s peanut butter cups, and other various food items. My sister and I also sparked an interest in him to create a new concoction. It all started when he saw us eat our favorite food, which just so happens to be really strange, it’s oatmeal. So he got a cup and made some hot cocoa and then got the plain oats and poured them into his hot cocoa. It was probably the strangest way to have them, but they turned out satisfactory to him, and it became a snack he would occasionally have.

When our exchange student (Louis) first got here, there was a little bit of a fear that he possibly wouldn’t click with our family. I even looked up my sister’s, my, and Louis’s zodiac signs to see if the personalities of our signs were slightly compatible. They weren’t, it said it was an awkward match. On the contrary though, it turned out to be very pleasant and not awkward at all when it came down to it all. He charmed his way into our family and everybody got along with him just fine, finding individual things each of us clicked with, with him. For my sister and I it was fitness and talking with him; my father enjoyed taking him out with him to do the shopping, talk about guy stuff (I guess? haha), and getting a little daring together, when it came to our trip to the mountains; my mother liked the aspect of broadening his experience here by talking to him about some bits of history when the topic arose, she also enjoyed our little escapades to introduce him to a new american food and waiting to see his reaction to the taste; as for my brother’s connection with him, I would say there may not have been a huge one, but I think my brother enjoyed having another guy around the house, even though he was out and about most of the time Louis was here.

Back to my earlier comment about him being a guy exchange student. You may think “wouldn’t that be awkward when he sees you at home without make up on?”, “what about one of you developing a possible crush on one another?”, “he’s a guy, isn’t there the possibility of the dynamics of conversation being a little awkward since there is the gender difference?”, “why did you choose to have a guy not a girl?”, etc. The make up one ended up indifferent since after the first few days or week he was here I stopped wearing make up completely. He and everyone I came into contact with in public saw me looking the exact same. The possible crush question was easily solved since my sister and I both had and still have boyfriends, to which we were faithful to, so we didn’t give Louis even an inch of encouragement in that direction. Later on he ended up completely solving that one even further on his own, anyway….. ;). But there were still billions of times when he would flirt with us, tease us, tickle us, and mess around with us in flirtatious ways. With our conversations gender didn’t seem to be a barrier and we could all pretty much talk about anything with each other. As for choosing a guy over a girl, I wanted a guy exchange student all along, because I generally prefer to interact with guys rather than girls. They generally put behind all that petty junk, and are willing to risk breaking a nail or two to do something that may make them smelly as well. Also, we wouldn’t have known if a girl exchange student would have been the type of girl that loved to stir up drama.

So now onto explaining how Louis solved the problem further…. oh our little Frenchmen, he was very impressive in his skills and managed to find just the right girl to fit his particular situation… It was when we decided to invite our not so close friend’s family to come to the water park with us. The girl immediately took interest in him and was fully aware of how attractive she thought he was. So my sister and I planned for the two of them to go on a raft together and we would be on a separate one, each time we went on a ride. After about 2-3 hours into our time at the water park it became time for lunch, and as we were all at the cabana some time or another, Louis leaned in and kissed our friend and she reciprocated without hesitation. Throughout the rest of the time there, they were all over each other, holding hands, him giving her piggy backs in the wave pool, him holding her close in the wave pool, them kissing, etc. On the way back home they also were making out in the back seat. Let’s just say the feeling between them was pretty mutual… lol. For the rest of his stay in America he would go to her house occasionally when they got the chance, and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. So now my sister and I have created a new term that is called doing a Louis. It’s where an exchange student in a different country manages to get a girl or guy that quickly, or in the span of a week or so (anytime during their stay, before they leave that country).

Another experience I had this summer, due to having Louis staying here, was missing the dead line to bring him to his flight, which we had not expected so we had to ‘live off the land’ until the next day when another plane would leave the same time. By ‘live off the land’ I pretty much mean that we had to get a hotel at the last minute when we currently had no place at all to stay, and using siri to navigate us through the city while we looked for the hotel, places to eat, and the store, to buy ourselves stuff like clean under wear, tooth brushes, a hairbrush, etc. We all claimed that the flight didn’t work out so that we would have one last little hurrah and have a going away party in the hotel room.

All in all it was an enjoyable time we had with Louis, but now that he’s gone we can also get back to our usual lives, minus having one extra person around the house. It was a very unique experience to have him here and his English was effortlessly perfect for communication between us all. He ended up being just the right fit :).