Don’t Fret

My body is at peace, my soul is in turmoil. Yet my soul is responsible for bringing my body the amount of nourishment it needs. I am not starving. My soul is preoccupied, and so therefore my body forgets the hunger. It doesn’t kill me. If anything, this is the medicine it needs. To truly desire the nourishment my body truly craves is a wonderful feeling. Here I am, all too often left even more indulged than I ever wanted. I feel uncomfortably full. I don’t like that feeling. So when my mind tells my body it is time to take a break from the nourishment, maybe it is trying to get my body to feel again. That overwhelmingly full feeling suppresses the satisfaction. It dampens the enjoyment of a perfect meal. 

It’s not premeditated, it is simply forgetfulness. It is quite interesting that now is the time you feel the need to worry. Please don’t fret over me. I am handling myself. In fact, nothing is truly the matter at the moment. If something were, you wouldn’t have a clue. No one ever does. Though that is ok. I don’t need the council of others to help me back up when I am down. I’ve learned to deal with it on my own. If anything, handling it alone in a quiet room with some space to think and write is all I need to get back on track. If anything, all the worried words makes it worse. Remember how when you’d fall as a child, it wasn’t the pain itself that startled you, it was the gasps and worried eyes of those around you. The pain wasn’t even noticeable until it was brought to your attention. It prompts me to ask myself “is there something I should be upset about? Am I anorexic because I forgot a meal yesterday, then the next, decided I would prefer to stay in and eat a little less than an “adequate” meal?” No, it doesn’t. I am aware of how my emotions affect me, and it is simply the tunnel vision on my tasks that has me like this. Yes, I was feeling upset the other night and there are still some residual feelings, but it isn’t like these feelings weren’t present before. They have been going on for quite a while now, you just now got a glimpse of them. I didn’t intend to give you a preview of them, it just happened as a result of my will weakening. I didn’t have the energy to put on a fake facade that night.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever written about my opinions on advice. Though, no matter if I have or not, here is the updated version of what I feel about the topic. Recently I have come to realize that the more “advice” I get on how to live my life, the less I feel like those around me truly understand. I have made decisions based on my own intuition this far, and I have done quite well. I know what I can handle, I know what’s best for me, and I want to be in charge of what I do and do not regret. I feel like advice is a flowery word to mask what it truly is: others interjecting their opinion and judgement on the situation, not their understanding, and not their support.

A while ago, someone asked me if I had to pick between two extremes, which would I chose: a person who is constantly in my business, asking what’s wrong, giving advice, and being “there for me,” or someone who recedes for a while and allows me to be alone to handle my emotions on my own. At first I thought I would want the first, because I wouldn’t want the second who would “abandon” me when things got tough. Now that i think about it, I would choose the latter, because advice that lacks perspective is worse than no advice at all. Though, I’ve found that I prefer a silent presence over all. Someone I want around, who will just lay with me as I think about what’s on my mind.

I need more optimism from you!

I think we all are very aware of that endless voice in our head telling us how we actually should be acting 24/7. It telling us to remember to think, not just react immediately, when we’re annoyed. I feel as though that inner voice that may seem like a movie director at times, screaming at us: “I need more passion from you, more optimism for life! Remember, you’re a star darling, a star! Go to your happy place”. We all know when we may be over reacting and accidentally adding extra drama to a kind hearted film, that doesn’t require you to portray an overly somber person, but rather a light heated soul.

Sometimes I think we all need to summon our inner actor and turn that frown upside down. I’m not saying that we should sweep our emotions under the rug and clean them up later, if they are actual problems. Rather, I am saying that when something doesn’t go our way it isn’t the end of the world. When that souffle you make flops and turns inward rather than giving you that beautiful dome, bake another one; when you can’t see your favorite person in the entire world that day, plan another day to see them; when your dog dies get a new one!! 😀 (just kidding, that is actual a real problem you can get upset about); and if you feel you don’t look so hot today, remember there is always someone who looks worse than you out there ;).

When ever you want to explode about that tiny spot of your make up that just isn’t right, just summon your inner jungle cat, “you’re a tiger baby, a tiger ;P”. I just would like to point out that we usually wallow in every little measly thing for to long. We really should just shut up and stop stressing about the little stuff. I may have said this in a previous post, but I’m going to stay it again. We’re all lucky to have a life on this earth, it’s not like you’re dying right now. I know we all can not handle the moods we get. The feelings we have are usually just like a knee jerk reaction. Though that shouldn’t keep us from living our lives to the happiest extent we can.

If someone were to ask you right now if you could choose between these two options, which one would you choose?: live 100 hundred days constantly upset and then die, or live 30 of the happiest days of your life and then die?

If you’re like me and chose the latter of the two, then I have something to point out…. if you didn’t want to be upset for 100 days and then die, why would you choose to live the life you have now that way? It’s defeating the purpose of choosing the second choice, because you can’t help but follow the path of the first one accidentally.

I’m not going to say it is easy to not be bothered by the little things, but it sure makes a lot more sense to them them breeze on by. Today I was not a very good example when it   came to pushing the small things aside. I wasted part of my day sulking about a small little thing. Instead of moving on and doing something to put me in a positive more productive state of mind. I actually did attempt to switch my emotions by reminding myself “you’re alive for goodness sake, what else do you want?!?”. It worked, and I was happy again. Then my mood got triggered by someone getting overly angry with me and I almost lost it. I didn’t end up loosing it too bad though, and eventually that mood faded. I can honestly tell you though, that the worst parts of my day resulted in me getting all worked up about minor problems.

So I bid you all adieu! I hope you all have a wonderful night, and start your day with a smile! ;D