Refer to me by she

Warning: this post may come off as insensitive. It is merely meant to air frustrations. I am open to hearing your opinions on every part of my position if you are offended”

It has recently come to my attention that as a result of the controversy of pronouns, my professor* always refers to each individual as “they.” Now it is all fine and logical to me to refer to a group as they, but eh hem, it is damn obvious that that girl over there is a she, and that guy in the back.. yeah.. umm I’m pretty sure he is a he. I get it, we have people who don’t identify as a he or a she. Though, I believe if  one prefers to be referred to as a he, a she, a star, an other, a they, they’ll let you know if you are addressing them in an offensive manner in relation to their preferences.

Let me give you an example of how my professor* uses the word they though… My professor* will ask a question to the class, get a response that may be too quiet for the class to hear, and as the professor* looks at this girl with make up on and long hair, the professor* says “if you didn’t all hear, they said ‘blah blah blah'” In a way, it removes the credit given to the person who has commented. It also distances this professor from us as a class, but also as individuals. I realize that we must respect other’s pronoun sensitivities, but the road goes both ways. What about those who identify to the standard pronouns? Do they have room to be offended that you aren’t addressing them how they would like to be addressed? Oh but you’re making it so that everyone is included in the pronoun you have generalized and chosen to use to address every single one of us in the room. Well to inform you, I identify as she, not they. I am not a group of people, I am one individual who would appreciate that at the very least, you address me by the gender I identify with, to show me you are giving me a small bit of acknowledgement as an individual.

Perhaps at this point in my rant, you all are saying to yourselves “you are all offended as a person who conforms to a gender many ignorantly will assume you are. You are primarily accepted by the pronoun you associate with. So don’t you see how those who prefer to be addressed by a different pronoun feel when addressed incorrectly?”

I get it, it is frustrating. It is also frustrating that we have gone from including one demographic’s opinions into consideration. Then completely shifting over to a new demographic’s opinions in order to be less ignorant towards the issue. When we have just forgotten the previous demographic all together.

I nearly feel compelled to request that this professor call me she. I feel as though those who identify with non-conforming pronouns should feel the same freedom. So then I must ask, if we are so concerned about being socially correct that we generalize an entire group and address every individual and they, why can’t we simply ask EVERY SINGLE PERSON what they damn well desire to be addressed as. Well that would take too much time… So it is really in an effort to save time? What about the effort to respect the wishes of those sensitive to how you address them? Or are you not concerned with that? Is it simply because remembering what everyone prefers to be addressed by, or remembering the names is too time consuming? Or in a way, do you also feel like it is not important. You are the main star of the show, we listen to you for a great portion of the class, so why is it important to know who we are.

Through all of this sarcasm and frustration, I am merely trying to allow those who address EVERYONE by ‘they’, to see that ‘they’ are still offending and frustrating those who don’t identify as a ‘they.’ If you really want to be socially correct, remember a name or two…

Quote in reference to being addressed as ‘they’: “yeah, it wasn’t me who said it, it was a group of us: me, myself, and I”

*pronoun omitted and replaced by professor in order to respect the professor’s possible unstated pronoun preference

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Act like child?

Have you ever looked at two little kids who just hit it off, and happened to not be of the same gender? You can tell that they have what we all call a ‘crush’, but to them it is the simple fact that they just love each others company. Little kids talk to the opposite gender and don’t think twice about it. When you start getting into your pre-teen age, teens, and so forth, it somehow becomes a little nerve racking when you see someone you want to get to know. Your mind immediately picks up on the fact that the person is a crush, the second you find them attractive. But instead of walking up to them right when you want to, you waste time thinking of what to say. The kid version of yourself would’ve just walked right up to the other little girl or boy, and asked if you could play with them…..(the kid kind of play that is). You’ll most likely not even approach that person if they are to good looking, and confident, because you have doubt that they will like you back, in that way. The expectations are set, and it’s far from go time. When I was little, I adored a few little boys in my elementary school class. I talked to each one and didn’t ever think once about the fact that I could have had a crush on one of them. Heck, I didn’t even know what it felt like to have a crush on anybody. Now that I look back on that time, I’m pretty sure I could have had a crush back then; I just didn’t know that maybe, subconsciously, my brain was thinking they were a perfect match if we stayed in touch until an appropriate dating age. I just felt like I was able to be completely me, without feeling the need to impress them. When crushes arise later on in life though, it seems as though we can no longer stay one-hundred percent true to ourselves because we’re always thinking of the next way to impress them, to seem more likable than all the others. Wouldn’t it be interesting if our child like carefree attitude stayed with us through life? Then the teen guys and girls would just talk to each other on the bus with out feeling like they needed to be fake, to be likable. Same with the men and women at clubs, coffee shops, bars, etc. It would just be weird, and unlike a man, to just come up to have a friendly conversation with you without quickly assuming you have to put them in the ‘date or don’t date’ category in your mind. Or say a woman walks up to a man in her high heels and he has to think between whether or not she’s working those high heels, or if she looks like she is going to fall down due to being top heavy, or if she has an over dominating kind of personality that he may not find attractive.

First of all, when you’re younger, the appearance of your peers doesn’t seem to matter because you all know that at that young of an age, your parents were still choosing the outfits you wore. Also, when you’re younger, you don’t dress yourself aiming to appear sexy, you dress as comfortably as you can. Little kids usually only judge each other on whether or not they like the same things, if you both like at least one thing that is the same,  you are then able to qualify into the friend category, as long as neither of you are mean. Although little children don’t have a clue about the dating world, maybe they have the right idea about the approach we should all take towards our opposite gender; Approach them with no label on what you will consider them, and just get to know the person they are before deeming them date-able or not. Also, don’t feel like you should have to put on a show to seem like that extremely likable pushover, if someone does something rude, just tell them in an adult manner, that you didn’t really appreciate it, like how you would do if one of your little peers when you were younger if they stole your toy. You don’t have to be fine with everything, if someone stole that toy that was yours, you wouldn’t have let them just take it without asking, because that’s rude.