#3 “if I were a guy”: what personal space?
I don’t know for you guys, but one of my biggest inhibitors is no physical contact. When I can’t even playfully nudge someone, or they can’t touch me without them getting awkward about it, it shows me that it may not work out. When I can playfully nudge someone it makes me feel more at ease and comfortable with the guy I’m talking to. If you never gradually break the touch barrier, you may forever remain in a personal space distance from each other.
Things guys have done right:
Initiated hugs after the first interaction (instantly setting up hugging goodbye as a norm between the two of us).
Held my hand.
Put their arm around me.
Things I would do if I was a guy with no clue how to subtly break that touch barrier:
• Sometimes a formal handshake as you first meet each other and introduce yourselves could be the first step. I would initiate the hand shake as the guy, but grasp their hand in a firm but gentle way you could imagine in some kind of old fashion princess movie. (Like the princess diaries). Maybe even a kiss on the hand if your that quirky and bold.
• Throughout the conversation if they say something, maybe play pretend that your offended or that that was mean of them to say (possibly just shocking) and use this as an excuse to tap/ gently slap their arm or playfully nudge them.
• If they have any soft clothes on, feel the material and comment on it.
• If they have a beautiful or cool piece of jewelry touch it and comment on it. (If they are wearing earrings, don’t touch studs though, focus on only touching dangly earrings. Unless the studs have a unique texture to them).
• If their hair looks really soft that day, say exactly that, and run one hand through a bit of it.
• hug goodbye after the first time of meetings, maybe a few times after if you’re too nervous.
• if there is a large crowd, use this as an excuse to help guide her through the crowd while also sticking together, by putting your hand on her lower back.
These are just random thoughts that run through my head. Guys please don’t be offended, cause I may be far off when it comes to guys like you, but in my experience with certain guys, this is what I have come to think about.
I wonder how guys seem to never dwell on past regrets. Letting a lover slip from their hands. They never seem to want that old touch, those old feelings again, to all be theirs once more. Some even seem to give up without a fight. Without ever screaming to the world that she may have been the one and now he sees it, and now he regrets letting it all go. Do you men ever fantasize of the what if’s? What if you tried harder to keep her? What if you showed her that she meant the world to you? What if you had loved her right? That perfect woman slipped through your finger tips into a new and gentle loving man, one who is going to treat her right. He’ll shower her with love and tell her how much he cares for her every day. But the sad part is, it will all be a facade. They’ll never have the lust, the chemistry, the passion, the undying everlasting love that you two had. Though that won’t be apparent to her. All she’ll see is that he expresses the emotion that she had always wished you would. Though they were empty declarations, they still worked because she just wanted to know that she was appreciated by her man. Some may think that running into the arms of a new man who she doesn’t even have the same raw emotion with just because he tells her she’s special, is quite pathetic. But it’s all human nature. No one wants to feel unimportant. We all want to feel of value, especially to the ones that mean everything to us. So sue her for wanting to feel appreciated for once by a man. Not many men seem to know how to love a woman right, but that’s ok. The few that do are a god send, and are fully appreciated by all woman kind. But the saddest part is that they don’t always find the real love, they just seem to make any kind of love last. Being content, yet not blissful is surely a terrible state I’d say. That’s why we fall for the ones we probably shouldn’t fall for. Typically the relationships with the most love are the hardest. Not because it’s healthy and perfect, because they’re surely far from it. But at the point where you know someone may not do anything, may not even put any effort into going to those lengths, just being them is all it takes. They’re your drug, and you’re instantly hooked. You can’t help but love them the way you do. No matter what happens, no matter what length of time, there’s always that eternal flame inside of you that burns bright with love for them. The flame may even cause pain, singeing your insides, but nevertheless, it all comes with the package of love you will always have for them, ready to deliver to their door step when it’s the right time.