Pause 

I’m debating on whether or not to stop blogging for a while. At the moment my basic needs are unfulfilled, so I don’t have the same focus I did a while ago. I need to get back into my routine–working out, doing what I love, making time for myself and my non-blog writing (I write random stories sometimes…), and getting the oxytocin fix that I need. Lately I haven’t been fulfilling these basic needs simply because I can’t. I’ve found that it’s nearly impossible to maintain a balance of all that you need when someone else is controlling the show. If there is one thing I’ve learned throughout my experience in France, it is this: being an exchange student tests your ability to adapt. There is no time for yourself, no time for uninterrupted self development (like reading, writing, etc.), unpredictable diet (the change also can alter your moods/ energy), minimal amount of time to get ready for the day (taking a shower, blow drying hair, etc.), never alone, required to be ready to leave the flat (apartment) in an instant once there is a new sight to be seen, constant switching of environment (because you’re visiting every area, which brings about staying at the family’s relative’s houses), a requirement to be constantly happy and social during all waking hours, and you must turn the other cheek when they begin to talk about how superior their country is to yours or another. Now I’m not saying that all of the french are like that, but the people I’ve encountered have all possessed the same haughty attitude. They like to compare countries as a typical pastime. Basically any comparison that is brought up must end in their country turning out on top, and if not, you won’t hear the end of it until someone finally declares that even with any illogic, they still “win” in the comparison. 

     Now I’m not saying that living this way, with these social habits is wrong, it’s just not my style. I prefer to remain unbiased when discussing things, rather than insult another country simply because my ego couldn’t handle losing something. I also don’t talk or debate for the aspect of wining–I think that’s truly a dead end–I like debating and conversing to spread knowledge, share ideas, and to broaden horizons. I’ve found that’s simply not the case here… Apparently every other country in the world must suck in comparison, or else we must be living in some parallel universe where i don’t know… We’re all viewed as different cultures doing things their own way? Imperfect representations of the imperfection in us all? No country is perfect, no country ever will be. Sure you may have your preference as to which you think is better simply because it aligns with your beliefs and views, but everyone else out there has the same disposition as you to believe that the country they favor is the best. 

Now maybe I’m simply frustrated, and my words are skewed in favor of my own beliefs/ preferences, so I’ll put that part of this post to rest for now.

     Back to what I meant to tell you all though: I may or may not discontinue writing (for my blog) until the end of this trip (which is only 6 days). 

I most likely will try to write, but if I can’t manage to, it’s because I need to wait for inspiration to strike again. 

    Onto another topic real quick, before I end: 

The other day I sat in a closet. Now you may think I’m crazy or at the very least, kinda odd, but let me explain. There wasn’t really anywhere else to be alone, but inside the closet. Honestly, I’m tempted to go back in there today (it’s a great spot to listen to music in my headphones without interruption). I loved it in there, cause it reminded me of when I was a kid. I used to do all kinds of random weird stuff when I was younger, simply because it made me happy. I’d find tiny little spots and I’d sit in them, I’d build forts, etc. I’d find a chair, sit on it backwards, and lay upside down with my legs against the back board. I was absolutely ridiculous, and loving life for the simple odd things it had to offer. 

Thinking back to how I was when I was younger got me thinking about how I want to make sure I don’t lose that part of myself. Sure those things are weird to do as you get older and older, but they’re fun. I’m sure those odd habits are part of the reason why kids seem so happy compared to us. They don’t think about what others will think of them, or if it is weird or not to lay upside down if they feel like it. They don’t bother to change themselves in order to conform to strict social norms. 

Love

You find yourself more in love than you ever thought possible. There she lays, in your arms, perfect in every way. Every fiber of your being reacts in an instant to the reception of this precious little gift. She is your baby girl. You immediately acknowledge how fragile this little human is. In that moment, you vow to yourself right then and there, that you will do all you can to ensure that she is treated with the utmost care. She is a reflection of the love shared the night she was created. She is the product of the 9 months of cautious nurture and care of the beautiful womb that carried her. You felt this gorgeous baby’s kicks at night as your wife lay fast asleep. You anticipated her arrival, picturing how this new presence would change your entire world. What would this little bundle of joy look like? Smell like? Sound like? Interact like? Would she have you smile? Your eyes? Would you see a glimpse of yourself in her as her eyes sparkled with glee each time she saw your face reappear in a simple game of peek-a-boo? Many questions flooded your mind at night. Now everything has stilled, and the only question you have is right in front of you: “how will you let this precious child know everyday, without a doubt in her mind, that her daddy loves her?”

Days, weeks, months, years go by, and you see her grow up. She is everything you could have wished for and more. It’s not exactly what she’s done, or said, but in a way, it’s all of that. It’s the perfect imperfection of this little girl, the glimpses of you and your wife in this unique individual. Her smile radiates through the room. She has your blue eyes, she has your wife’s chestnut hair. When she wants something, she imitates your old puppy dog eyes that you used to use on your own parents– sometimes even on your wife as well (in a joking manner). She has an infectious giggle that brings a smile to your face every time you hear it.

One day she comes home from high school, and she tells you she met a boy. The smile on her face gives you the impression that this boy isn’t all that bad for her. You give her a light-hearted mock interrogation anyway, and ask her “does he make you happy?” “does he treat you right?” “is there really a guy out there perfect enough for my little girl?” Then you mention one last thing: “make sure that if he ever treats you any less than you deserve, you walk away, because you’re the most precious gift anyone ever could receive and he sure as hell better know that.” That night, thoughts race through your mind. You remember her first words, the tears you kissed away when she fell down and scraped her knee for the first time, the pride you had when she finally learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, the times you’d come in the kitchen and find her and your wife baking cookies, her first day of school. It all felt like it was just yesterday. Now she’s going on her first date. Your little girl has acknowledged the opposite sex in a new way. She no longer sees these boys as friends anymore. There is the potential that one of these days, she may even kiss one of these boys. That thought is tough to handle. This is your baby, the one you held in your arms. You face the fact that your little girl is now a sexual being, but with that comes primal intentions. How do you know this young boy will treat your daughter right, when all of his urges arise from such an primal place. Will he be able to control himself? On the other hand… will your little girl want him to control himself? A first kiss is enough to think about, but then there is so much more that could follow. Your sweet little baby’s body is seen as a sexual object now. Guys want to touch her and she wants to touch them too. Your darling’s sweet little hands and mouth may go places that would make you cringe. Picturing these things makes you sick. She’s your baby. The little girl that is only meant to be held by your loving, fatherly hands. It was only days ago that she was too small, to young, to walk on her own. So you held her in your arms for hours, staring at that spectacular little face. Your love for her was unconditional from the start, and will remain so until the end. You think of how the guys she will encounter won’t see her in the same light you have. Their love for her, if even love, won’t be unconditional for sure. Some will expect things of her. Some things you don’t even want to think about. The thoughts are put on pause, because you realize you’ll go crazy if you continue to let them ruminate.

So more days, weeks, months, years go by. Your little girl is officially a sexual being now (not that she wasn’t in the first place). There are many things that have happened that she hasn’t told you. She’s had her first kiss, she has experienced much more than that…, and she has gone through heartbreak. Guys have treated her with disrespect– she walked away just like you told her to— though sometimes she didn’t acknowledge it soon enough. The first boy to see your little angel’s unclothed, uncovered, innocent, bare body, trivialized it by jerking off to porn the following night. That boy that gave her her first kiss also gave her her first heartbreak when he cheated on her with a sexy cheerleader while he was intoxicated at a high school party. She dated the nice guys, the good guys, the losers, the jerks, the jocks. She also found the love of her life along the way, who treats her well, loves her in every way possible, and brings out the best in her every day. He’s the boy she’s bringing to thanksgiving when she comes home during the break. Little do you know, he’s the one. He encapsulates everything you could have ever wished for in a man that would hold your daughters heart.

Now don’t feel too relieved, there was another who almost won her heart before she fell for your new potential son-in-law. With this other man, things appeared to be perfectly fine. He was successful and had a fairly good income. He knew that this beautiful girl was too good for him. Yet when a problem would arise, he would blame her, he’d go into denial and would never apologize for his actions. Sometimes he would apologize— but only when it benefited him. If they would have married, he would have barked the words “get out of MY house” when he was frustrated. He would say things to tear her down, not build her up. Any accomplishment of hers would be overlooked. When enraged, he’d bring fear into your little girl’s heart. She would run to the closest room and lock herself inside until he had calmed down. He’s the one who would have stormed out of the house at  2 am in the morning, slamming the door behind him, screeching the car tires as he peeled out of the drive way. He would have been the one to bring doubt, fear, and sadness to your little girl’s heart those nights, making her ask why she deserved this treatment.

No one “deserves” to be treated that way. In this alternate ending, your little girl just found herself in a bad situation. Could you have imagined though, the heartache you would have felt for your little girl if it had gone that way? Wouldn’t you have wanted to walk straight up to that evil man and look him right in the eye and tell him off? Tell him he doesn’t deserve someone as amazing and precious as your little girl?

What if I told you there is a simple way to make sure that this never happens to your daughter/ future daughter? No one would ever break the heart of your bundle of joy, and it involves only one simple task: Treat everyone else’s baby girls with care. That woman you slept with tonight, that girl you’ve been planning to bang, the girl you cheated on when you were younger, the girl you only intend to sleep with. All of them are someone’s baby girl. Treat them as so. If not, how would you ever expect someone else to treat your’s with the utmost care?

Embarrassment 

Let me start off by letting you know that this topic isn’t based on a recent embarrassing experience of my own or anything. Tonight I went to a small event, and at this event, there was a guy who once had a small thing for me. While we were getting to know one another a few months back, he did something that he was embarrassed about. In the end I didn’t continue talking to him, cause at that point in time I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship, like him and all of my perusers at the time. So now fast forwarding to tonight. As I was heading to the event, my sister’s boyfriend (who’s best friends with the guy) informed me that the guy still felt awkward about the small thing that happened months ago… I’m talking the start of last fall semester. It’s been at least 8 months I’d say? But the guy still remembers it clear as day. Before I was informed of this tonight, I had completely forgotten about it all together. The guy could have talked to me and I would have been friendly as usual, and I wouldn’t have remembered a thing. It all ended up being a non-event when I saw him, cause he basically was quiet and slightly awkward because he’s still holding onto that memory of embarrassment. Now I’d like you all to know, I don’t judge people at all for moments when they don’t act in a way that represents themselves. Whether their awkward moment results from voluntary or involuntary actions. I’ve embarrassed myself a fair amount of times, and I realize we all do dumb things. We all do things every once in a while, that we look back on and realize we don’t like what we did in that moment. It’s a part of being human, cause we’re not perfect, we make errors all of the time, and we just have to let those things go. 

Now I didn’t write this post to highlight his embarrassment or awkwardness for the night. I’m writing this post to talk about choosing to forget our embarrassments. Like I said above, I’ve done my share of embarassing things, and they weren’t pleasant. The difference between me and this guy, is that I choose to pretend these embarrassing moments in my life never happened. Now some may say that I’m in denial, that I’m hiding a part of me, that I’m not true to myself if I act like it never happened. Though in some way those things may appear to be true, they’re all false. When you push a negative/ unpleasant memory into the shadows of your mind, you aren’t removing them, you’re just not dwelling on them. You don’t necessarily pretend that it was all just a dream, you just allow yourself to feel as though it was all a distant memory. The one point that is possibly the most false, would be that you’re not true to yourself when you push these memories into the shadows. These moments wouldn’t stick out to us in the first place, if we hadn’t believed we weren’t representing ourselves/ being represented for how we actually are. So these embarrassing moments don’t define us, cause they’re not truly how we are on a regular basis. That’s why letting these memories fade into the background is actually being more true to yourself than you could ever be. It’s allowing you to express who you truly are, without being held back by the self conscious thoughts that result from dwelling on embarrassing moments. 

If you allow all of your regrets and mistakes and embarrassing moments to pile into your conscious memory and thoughts, you’ll look like you’re carrying the world’s troubles on you shoulders. Continually thinking of your downfalls causes you to shine less and your sparkle dulls. You don’t see the spark in your own eyes, you just notice the dust that is causing them to haze. 

Though the main reason for my cutting of ties with this guy a few months ago was related to me just not wanting a relationship, it was also because of one particular thing I noticed about him. He didn’t have a sparkle in his eyes. His eyes looked hazed over, and masked by sadness, even when he was smiling. It was that small thing that caused me to decline. Though it may appear to be a minuscule reason to turn someone down, I think it was the most accurate indicator I’ve gone by yet. That small observation saved me from beginning something with someone who dwells on his downfalls, rather than focusing on his achievements.  

The therapy of writing

At the moment I don’t feel all that well. My motivation is stifled because I’ve allowed myself to slip into a downward spiral of emotions. Earlier today I read about strange things our bodies do everyday, two of them were blink, and cry. In the mini article it talked about how crying was good for you. So I’m giving it a whirl. Maybe I can cleanse these odd emotions out with some tears. Now typically I would see these as happy tears if I were to be cleansing my emotions with a nice cry, but these aren’t happy tears… I feel a little alone at the moment… I know it may seem ridiculous to some and some may say we should all be able to find solace within ourselves, but for the time being I’m lacking that kind of strength. I can’t muster the courage to brave through it alone any longer. So as my own way of therapy, I’m going to write about one of the reasons as to why I’ve found myself in this lonely state. 

Throughout my life I’ve found myself loosing touch with people, and mutually drifting out of one another’s lives. Generally it’s worked quite well for me because I’ve found more meaningful connections by letting nature take its course. Although I’ve found myself in a little dilemma… I don’t lack a supply of people to talk to or reach out to in times of loneliness, but I’ve recently kept to myself because I find no fulfillment in any of these friendships. I have an amazing best friend and I wouldn’t trade her for the world, but at times I wish I would have found a best-guy-friend along the way. 
I have come close twice in my life… Both times letting them slip away. 
Ironically both of the guys were scorpios… (For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, Scorpio is a zodiac sign). 
The first one was dating my friend at the time and continued to make passes at me… So basically the drama that ensued caused the splitting of ties. 
On the other hand, I recently drifted out of the life of the second Scorpio. He and I had amazing conversations, but he wanted me, and I was uncertain about him. When I looked at it objectively, I realized that if I dated him, it would be because of his mind, not the entire package. I didn’t like his lifestyle, nor did I find him all that attractive. He wasn’t ugly, because I honesty don’t think anyone in this world is ugly. We’re all someone’s idea of perfection. He just wasn’t my type. Now I know you’re all probably furiously typing away in the comments about to tell me off for being superficial, but I’d like to explain myself first. I think there are different levels and statuses for people in your life for this very scenario. You have the highest tier, which is who you choose to be your significant other. Ideally this person is supposed to possess mind, body, and spirit/soul (so they turn you on both sexually and mentally, and dazzle you with their unique soul). Your next tier is best/ good friends. Ideally they just don’t do it for you physically, but you enjoy their company and conversation. Lastly, you have the people who aren’t all that consistent in any of these areas, and we rate them as acquaintances. 
This guy friend of mine fell into the second category, as a good, maybe even best, friend. It was apparent that deep inside, he wanted more. He continued to try to further things. He gave me a rose, and I handed it back, and I told him that he deserved a girl who could be his valentine on Valentine’s Day, and that I just wasn’t the girl for him. I began to taper off my conversations with him, to try to ween him off the thought of me. I didn’t want him to continue pursuing me, knowing that he could spend that time finding who he’s supposed to be with, so I eventually stopped talking to him all together. 
Now you’re probably ferociously typing a comment about how evil I am for hurting this guy and ignoring him… Yes it isn’t the nicest way to do things, but I had indicated things were coming to a close, and just a few weeks ago, he sent me a goodbye text, telling me about the positive things in his life. He found a girl who is like him. That was my goal. I believe he’s better off without me, but sometimes I miss having an interesting conversation waiting just around the corner if I chose to peak. 
He was the closest thing I’ve had to a male best friend, and for that I’m grateful towards him. 
You may be wondering why I brought these two guys up, so now I’ll explain. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed a common theme, but I just realized there is one. Neither of these guys were ever setting out to have a purely platonic thing with me. No guy really ever has… And it is kind of unsettling in a way. I’ve retracted from all of these people, because I don’t feel I can talk to them without them trying to get to know my body more, not my mind. At the moment there is only one guy who I want to know my body more (and mind of course), and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t but a clue, but maybe he’ll catch on if I keep giving hints… 
But it’s not even the fact that the guys wanted my body that put me off, it was that that is how they began to interact with me. Let me clarify a bit more… It’s as though two bodies were trying to have a conversation. Now as far as body language goes, you can have a pretty damn good conversation if there’s chemistry, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the simplicity in which we begin to view things when we’re caught up in overwhelming attraction and lust. It’s a little distracting I’ll admit, but these guys don’t even attempt to have a real conversation, it just feels as though they think boring conversation is the eventual lubricant that will bring about a furtherance of any physical thing between them and me…. 
Now I don’t want interesting and sexy guys I know to get the wrong idea… I’m not talking about you guys. If you are able to admire my mind, soul, sexuality, and body, then take me at your will… Not literally exactly… But if you can sense I’m feeling something as well, or giving you signals, go for it, and don’t miss the signal like Ted did with Robin. (HIMYM reference to their first kiss… If you didn’t know who I was talking about).
Readers who stuck through this entire post, I’m glad to say I’m feeling a lot better. Writing is my therapy, and this post was just what I needed. I know it appears a little bipolar since I went from sad to happy within the time it took to write this, but maybe writing is truly just that therapeutic. 

Expectations 

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that expectations are typically the root of the demise of most things. Think of happiness for instance. One day you’re on top of the moon, everything is wonderful, and you’re exuberant. You love it, but you forget to be practical, so without thinking, you inadvertently expect you’ll wake up the next day the same way you did today: instantaneously happy. Morning comes, and you coincidentally are awoken in the middle of a sleep cycle. This sudden unpleasantry is due to your adorable dog fluffy, pawing at your sides, begging to be let outside. Yesterday, fluffy’s pawing and soft whimpering was endearing, but today it unnerves you. Your day is off to a terrible start, and you suddenly resent everything around you and realize that yesterday’s good mood was far too fleeting. It’s not necessarily fluffy, or even the things you begin to resent. Rather, it’s the expectations you’ve put on everything. You have to consciously enable yourself to be receptive and seeking of good vibes, but not expectant of them. The good vibes and energy are free flowing and not intended to be grasped by a death grip. Everything in life should be viewed as sand, rather than that jello sack toy that was popular in the ’90’s (just looked up the official name…they’re called pearl water wigglies apparently XP). Although for those of you who ever got your hands on those things, you know you have to balance them and actually not grasp hard, or they too will slip right from your hands. 
So maybe view the good vibes and feelings as the Pearl Water Wigglie. Balance it and let it flow between your hands, don’t squeeze it. 
I will admit, I too have fallen prey to my expectations. I’ve experienced a yoga high once… I only say once because I know without a doubt, that I’ve only achieved that euphoria once. I believe the reason I haven’t achieved it since is due to my expectations of savasana (a yoga nap/ guided meditation). I got my yoga high when my teacher lead the class through a guided mediation one night. She hasn’t done the guided meditation since, and as a result, I’m left alone with my own thoughts as we all lay in silence. I don’t know if any of you have been able to notice yet, but I have a billion thoughts running through my mid quite frequently. Well during savasana, one additional thought is the expectation of achieving the yoga high/ hoping my teacher will do the guided meditation once more. If you were wondering, neither has happened for quite some time…
But alas, I will be letting go of my expectations, and hopefully manage to clear my mind so that I may once again achieve the blissful yoga high. 
Back to expectations though. Expectations also seem to ruin relationships. Whether they be sexual or platonic, it can create an unbalance. Say your friend and you happen to bump into each other at your favorite coffee shop, and each time you run into one another, you take a few minutes to sit down and have a chat. Then one day, your friend doesn’t show up like usual. You never plan to run into one another, but you assumed they’d be here. You cleared some time specifically for this, and had a topic you were particularly excited to discuss with them. So you end up sitting alone sipping your coffee and watching the interactions around you, and leave without having muttered a word to a single soul. You call your friend and angrily ask why they didn’t show up. They explain something came up at work and they had to skip their regular coffee break. After hearing the excuse you become reasonable, but still hold resentment towards them. It’s these small invisible unwritten contracts that one party conjures up one day that creates a rift in things when you unexpectedly don’t comply to the invisible clause on page 4 index 5 of their contract of expectations.
It’s your friend not showing up to an unplanned coffee, not your wife of 15 years cheating on you… So to an extent, I think one could see those expectations are a little unreasonable. 
Now let’s talk about expectations in a romantic relationship. There are many many many expectations in this case. Sexual favors, romantic gestures, gifts, and all of the expectations of a best friendship have the possibility of being put on this dynamic. 
I’ll just make it short and break it down for this particular set of expectations. It’s typically the result of wanting your partner to read your mind. Such as a thought like this “I shouldn’t have to tell them this, he or she should just know that chocolate makes me upset on April 22nd.” Ok maybe if you told your spouse, partner, or boyfriend/ girlfriend that strange of a fact, they would remember, but if you never told them, how in the world would they ever know? It’s nearly that difficult to read someone and figure out what it is that would make them happy when they’re just in a silent slump. Or possibly your partner is asking something of you that they know you can’t provide them, and therefore, you can’t ever meet those expectations. 
Maybe there is someone who can read your mind, but perhaps there also exists just as an amazing of a person who needs a little nudge in the right direction. 
Though I won’t knock the idea of expectations all together, I suggest an alternative. You can have standards instead. If someone isn’t able to satisfy your projected needs, then you can separate, rather than sit silently waiting for them to suddenly transform into a mind reader.  
If in the scenario of the coffee with the friend, you two actually agreed to meet for coffee, and they continually flaked and never called to notify you, you can just minimize the let down by reducing how often you plan a coffee meet up, or be ok with being alone every so often when they don’t show up.
I’d say standards and expectations only differ in one aspect. Actually scratch that, maybe they’re synonymous and it simply depends on the person who possess the expectations. Maybe it all boils down to insecurity and security with oneself. Or the possession of fulfillment within yourself, that curves the let down of unmet expectations. 
Sorry to not meet your expectations with a finite resolution to this topic, but maybe this is the way it was supposed to end. To serve as a lesson to us all, let go of your expectations and just enjoy the read (or ride). 

Why Inconspicuousbeings you ask?

       For those of who you who may have just stumbled upon my blog as of two seconds ago, or those of you who have followed me for a while, I would like to explain what the name inconspicuousbeings means to me. 

     When I first began with the blog, I thought about what kind of content I would write about. During that time in my life I thought that my posts would be from a perspective of one who goes unnoticed. One who never attracts the attention some crave. I believed that in no point in time would I ever lust after someone who would actually return the interest. Or that I would ever impress anyone with my ability to stand my own in a social setting. To be well poised, graceful, and possibly verging on witty with my interactions. That is what sparked the idea for the inconspicuous part of the name. I thought the official definition fit perfectly. Inconspicuous – not clearly visible or attracting attention; not conspicuous. The beings part to the name was originally to begin writing as someone who feels unnoticed. Maybe even find a fellow blogger along the way who had felt similarly, and would decide to comment to tell me they knew how
I felt. Recently I have realized that at that point I felt unnoticed, but now I feel completely the opposite. I have the ability to have confidence in myself that I feel I didn’t have before. Maybe you all haven’t realized that I am a confident person through my writing. Possibly you all felt otherwise. That is because through this blog I can vent my feelings. My anger rants, sad rants, happy rants, my stories, and anything else I please. I don’t write to impress, I honestly write to share whatever raw emotions I feel. Sometimes I may not put up a confident front for you guys.  

      Inconspicuousbeings to me, no longer means going unnoticed. Now it means a community of people who can pour their thoughts, soul, ideas, feelings, etc. onto an internet website for those to hear. On WordPress, it isn’t mandatory to upload a picture of yourself to be ridiculed or attached to your writing. You’re not even required to add your official name. WordPress allows anyone who pleases, to be completely anonymous. We can secretly write how we feel about something or someone, and our thoughts and feelings can be completely confidential on our WordPress page. That is unless they know you have a blog, and avidly read it. Or they happen to see a blog post in passing, and it coincidentally is about them, written by you. Of course the only way they know it’s you is because it is the entire story about them, written from your point of view… 

      I have only told one person about my blog, and I plan to keep it that way. That way I can anonymously write my rants, and it never has to be read by the people or things they’re about. I’m not saying my blog is now going to turn into some evil internet version of the “burn book” in Mean Girls. I’m just saying that when someone happens to frustrate me, I like to know that my internet journal is only a few clicks away :P. 

      Farewell my fellow bloggers :). 

 

I don’t want to go to bed mad at you…

     I just finished listening to a song I recently discovered by NE-YO, titled “mad”. Tonight though, I watched the music video that went along with the song for the first time. It was sad… :(. The video had an important message in it, that you may have not caught by just listening to the song it’s self. It seems to me that the message he is trying to show is that you don’t know when will be your last day. A loved one of yours could storm out the house in middle of an argument between the two of you, and get hit by a car. If you watch the video you will realize that this rash situation is not something I just thought of, but rather the situation in the music video. 

     Something I hadn’t noticed in the beginning of the video, was that he died. It would have made a lot more sense, and would have been even sadder to watch the video, if that detail hadn’t gone right over my head. It was such a small detail, but it made a difference as I watched it over again. Surprisingly I got goose bumps and felt very saddened by the video once I understood what was going on. 

     This music video reminded just how important it is to say goodnight to your love with words of kindness. Rather than waking up still with the rage you had with one another. We should cherish our loved ones dearly, because we never know when we may loose them. I recommend watching the music video, it may not be your particular style of music, but the video and song, mix in just the right ways to give you the chills (goose bumps :P). The song is named “mad” by NE-YO, if you forgot ;P. 

      I wish you all a good night, and may you tell your loved one “je t’aime! <3” with a smile on your face, as you say your goodbyes tonight :D!