Can’t get no da da da sat-is-fact-ion

I’ll warn you now to not take this personally, because this is directed towards people who don’t read my blog, not you, my readers. Though, if you have a friend or girlfriend or anybody in your life who is disappearing on you, they could possibly have a similar reason, so read on.

The highlight of my night: I got my graphing calculator to show approximations instead of exact numbers. 

It’s not that I haven’t done interesting things, or socialized, it’s just that this is the only success I feel I have had. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I’m holding conversations I don’t even want to have, all out of keeping good social ties. “It’s not normal to recluse into a loner state, you should be social all the time. Why don’t you want to talk?” They say. It’s simple, I’m drained. For the longest time I didn’t know what it was that I wanted, but now I do. I want to be understood. Now I’m not trying to vie for attention, because that is the one thing I can’t stand the most. What I am saying is this: if you want to have a conversation with me, or expect me to continue talking to you, I would like to feel like I’m being met half way. 
For some of you, one sided conversations or not seeing eye to eye on things with others may not bother you in the slightest. Though for me, that is similar to how bad it would feel to be a little kid and have your favorite toy snatched from you, only to be thrown in the mud. Conversations, interactions, thinking, talking, discussing, debating… Those are the things I live for. I don’t desire material objects, or superficial compliments. I want deep conversation. Not necessarily with heavy emotions, but hey, maybe even that. If I don’t feel like a connection is being made I retract. It’s in my DNA… Some may say this is flighty… I call it self preservation. Why continue on with something that erodes your fulfillment when you can find something that provides it? I’m not necessarily saying that I replace people with other people, on the contrary rather. For the time being I feel like replacing some people with my writing. For those of you who stumble upon this post or haven’t followed me for a while, it may seem that I’ve actually gotten more free time for blogging, but I actually haven’t. I’ve been making time for it, and think that even more time could be made. 
So if I disappear on you, know this, I’ll be back sometime, maybe soon, maybe in a long time, but one thing is certain, you’ll be finding my thoughts all over the screen (on WordPress) if you ever choose to look. 

Curiousity didn’t kill the cat

Many ask where the curious went. Well there’s not much to wonder about a wall that doesn’t interact back. 

If you come across a curious mind, make sure you never forget that they are just applying the golden rule that many of us have forgotten. If you don’t reciprocate their curiosity, they’ll soon conclude that you don’t play by the rules, and no one wants to play the game with those who haven’t read the rule book. 
Going with the same theme, I’d like to touch on the subject of getting to know a person. It’s strange how we as humans can bs our way through so much meaningless conversation and not become appalled at the superficiality of it all. Simple questions such as “how was your day?” “How are you?” Are used loosely, simply to fill time. Why would you waste the energy if the words are so pointless you ask? Well I’m not quite sure… You’ll have to ask every single guy I’ve ever turned down that question. Many use these basic questions as ways to appear interested, when in fact it does absolutely nothing when it’s all you care to talk about…. 
If conversations go:
“Hey what’s up?” 
“Nm, just chilling, u?” 
“Ehh nm either, watching “(insert tv show)”” 
“Oh. How was ur day?” 
“It was alright, u?” 
“What did u do today?” 
It’s not a conversation… I could have this conversation with my cat in response to its meows, because it’s just that vague. Although funny enough, this is what some people consider conversation. I mean if there are actual interesting things added in through these questions, that’s great. But if it’s constant back and forth “good” “fine” responses, it gets boring, and that is why some people choose the simple route of just not texting you any longer. 
Back to the main point though… In all of this shallow conversation, it is apparent that there is no effort made to get to know the other person. It’s disappointing to admit, but a lot of people stop asking questions about the other person after just a few conversations. Personally, I lose interest the second I detect there is no genuine intent to get to know one another anymore. Maybe it’s because your mind gets hazy and all you can think about is the lust you have for the other person’s body. If that’s the case, I suggest you change the end goal from “bang her (or him)” to “value her (or him)”. The body is off limits if you don’t seduce the mind first… (That shall be the new golden rule #2). 
Now I’m not saying that those vapid questions can’t lend themselves to great answers and connecting, because they can. I was once talking to a friend of mine, and he asked “how are you? And I don’t mean some basic emotion. Tell me what’s going on with you, what you’re thinking about at this moment”. From then on, I had a new appreciation for the question whenever we’d ask one another, because it was mutually understood that we were looking for a raw and honest reply, not some sugar-coated, society-approved answer. So there can be depth found in even the shallowest of questions… 

Fifty shades of grey and virginity

Recently I’ve been caught up with some learning and thinking about stuff that doesn’t really interest me (school), so I thought I’d free my mind by sharing a few non-school related thoughts.
Just a few nights ago, I watched fifty shades of grey. For those of you who hate it, hold on before you judge me about this, and for those of you who loved it, take my critique with a grain of salt.
For those of you who don’t know what fifty shades of grey is about, I’ll give you a brief summary. It’s about a young, wealthy entrepreneur and a slightly unsure virgin, finding themselves intertwined with one another in a sexual contract. The guy, mr grey, has singular tastes and only participates in bdsm, and not simply vanilla sex. Anastasia steel (the girl) is a bit apprehensive at first, because she doesn’t want to be his “sex slave” as she puts it.
Time for the evaluation of the movie. For those of you who haven’t watched it, there may be a few spoilers below, so I’m warning you now.

This movie had a lot of intrigue initially because it appeared to have potential. As I watched it though, I couldn’t find the intrigue I was expecting to translate into the movie. Honestly the plot didn’t compensate for the nudity. It wasn’t a typical bdsm relationship, it was mr grey’s version of a bdsm relationship. In real bdsm, you take pleasure in being the dominant and don’t look like some surgeon doing a routine surgery. The dominant doesn’t do all of the work. You’d think in a situation where someone could be mistaken for a sex slave, they’d at least touch the dominant or give him pleasure just once at least. Now I’m not going to say that it was the worst movie of all time, becuause I didn’t watch the last few minutes of it, so I don’t have the right to judge it completely without watching every bit of it. I will tell you how I think it could have been improved though. It should be remade with two actors completely unattached. Jamie dornan (mr grey) has a wife…. That totally closes off the opportunity for him to actually bring an unbridled passion with him on set, which you need in order to properly portray chemistry. Now I’m not saying they didn’t do the movie right, because maybe the writer wasn’t looking to portray a typical bdsm relationship, and rather an abusive relationship that was masked with the unrepresentative title of a “bdsm relationship”. All in all, I personally wouldn’t watch the rest of it or the sequels, because it just didn’t really do anything for me. Though I’m not saying it will be the same for others, some of you may love it, and some of you may hate it. 

Now onto my next topic of random thoughts. One night I was watching the bachelor (again, hold your judgement), and it revealed that some of these beautiful women were still virgins. I ended up asking a few guys what they thought of girls being virgins, and the answers all varied. One said that its not a plus, but rather a minus. He said that she would not be experienced enough or know what to do. Another guy answered by saying that it all really varies because people don’t need to go lose their virginity or necessarily keep it. He thought that it was all subjective to the person and their life, and if they had lost it, then they had lost it and if they didn’t, they didn’t. He thought it was a very fluid thing that didn’t have a time requirement necessarily, so he didn’t see why you would need to care if your partner was a virgin or not. He also didn’t think that those who have had sex would necessarily be any better than those who have had sex. Then the last viewpoint I got was that it would be a plus for the girl to be a virgin because that means she is untouched in that particular way, and it could be special between the two of you, and you wouldn’t be picturing her with all of her other romantic partners. 

Comment if you have any thoughts you’d like to share, I’d love to hear them!