To me: When they make mistakes and your blood is boiling, know this: you were like that once too. Remember that “one big mistake”? Remember how you only knew the stove was hot when you accidentally placed your hand on it for the first time? We have to make mistakes in order to learn, and these precious little people you call your children may happen to make more than one simple mistake. These posts you write now promote a little bit of rebellious thinking, so allow them to approach life fearlessly. When they do something dumb, don’t approach them with a judgmental glare, talk to them, perhaps give them the time to explain their mistakes through writing. You know you did your fair share of that kind of explaining in your teenage years. Maybe the letters they write will aggravate you just a tiny bit, maybe you won’t be able to sympathize right away. Think back to this time right now, the moment you wrote the post to your future self and kids in the back of your french host family’s car on the way back to France from some place near Vouvre. You talked big game, but your actions didn’t represent the rebellion your words promote. That’s a product of punishment. The first tiny mistake you made left a burn in your mind, remaining imprinted forever. Each time your rebellion begs for a chance to breathe you remember the disapproving looks and words. You remember the judgement. To you the judgement may have appeared a little uncalled for for the situation, but you still feel remorse for your actions the night of that one big mistake years ago. So from then on out you continue to live a little more on the safer side than you typically would. You don’t act without thinking first. Some may judge you for lacking the ability to just act on impulse and spontaneity, but they weren’t around when you heard those disapproving words. Don’t give your children the same visual that halts them from making more than one simple mistake. Their mistakes are what will help them grow. When they trip and fall while navigating this difficult time, hold your tongue when you feel tempted to say “I told you so.”
I want to start off with one thing, and that is this: I was never perfect, and never will be. If I ever pretend that I didn’t make the same mistakes you’re making at this age, I want you to search long and hard through this blog, because there will most likely be a post to prove otherwise. The reason I write, for others and for myself is to document a history. Sure it’s not monumental, and perhaps others have gone through these things, and it all appears to be yesterday’s news, but these stories need to be remembered. This is a testament to how I was throughout all of my growth. My good moments, but also my bad moments. When I had all of the confidence in the world, but also when I was breaking. The reason I show you this blog is because I want you to be able to read it before you go through some of these hard times, that way you’ll know when you’re going through them, that you’re not alone. I’ve gone through and will go through my share of experiences that perhaps I’ll forget at times, but they’ll be on this blog forever. You know your grandma and your grandpa, the ones I call mom and dad? I would have loved to read about their mistakes. It’s very simple when you’re a parent to feign perfection, but we all know it’s not real. Your grandma used to tell me that she made mistakes at my age too, and she thinks I should learn from them before I make the same ones. The only flaw in her preaching is that she doesn’t give me specific examples, she just keeps it vague. Though, I realize it’s not the easiest or most pleasant thing to attempt to remember your worst moments from your youth. Through this blog, I’ll spare my future self from the hassle of recounting some difficult memories, but feel free to ask me to elaborate on them if you’d like.
When I was your age I respected my parents marriage, but at the same time was ever so curious about the relationships they had with the opposite sex throughout their life, before they met one another. But I never asked, and they never told. Sure I’ve gotten stories about the basic facts, but never in depth recounts of the emotions they went through/ felt towards those people. Here you’ll find more than you’d ever need to know about my past relationships before I met your dad. You’ll also find my thoughts about sex and other natural things we as sexual beings think about, but don’t always feel free to discuss openly. At this age I surely hope I will have explained the birds and the bees to you, but if not, I’d like you to make sure I do so. If I have, hopefully all your questions were answered in an open and accepting manner. I want you to know that no matter what you chose to do with your sexuality, whether it be to conform to society or not, I will love you as you are. Don’t ever feel you have to suppress your sexuality. It is one of the best things about being human. If your dad and I ever look at you and your boyfriend/ girlfriend with “disgust” as you’re making out, know that we’re simply kidding. Also, know that all of the “nasty” times you see me and your dad being “weird” (making out and grabbing on each other) in the kitchen, it is because we’re just as in love with one anther as we were years ago.
Back to the letter though. The only time you’ll ever receive some tough love from me will be if you ever put someone down in order to build yourself up to be somehow superior to them. You’re my child, and my children don’t act like that. It is the one thing I detest the most, and will continue to detest until the day I die. Whenever you talk to someone, whether it be to your sibling, a friend, or a stranger remember that you are equals. No one is better, and no one is worse.
By reading all of my old posts you’ll find my stories, my experiences, and my thoughts throughout my years. I hope that through reading these you’ll feel that you can come to me more freely, knowing I went through a similar thing. Lastly, I would like you to end this knowing that I will always love you no matter what. Perhaps it’s strange of me to be writing this so early, many many many years before you will be a reality, but I have a tendency to be weird and unconventional with what I post on this blog.