Sometimes I write without thinking. I let the words flow out, and believe them to all be true. That does not always feel genuine though; because with each stroke of the keys, a bit more romanticization occurs. Each moment is put on a pedestal, just as a moment should be, yet it can be misleading. Behind each perfect moment is the conscious intent of trying to see the good and let the bad fade away, and with that, you get a flawless memory of an event. Then there are times when I write just the good, but the bad still ruminates in my mind. I fight it and beg it not to take my soul away from the appreciation of the good times. Moments are fleeting, life is only temporary, and we all are imperfect in our ways. We do what we know works and hope for the best. We’re all fucked up in our tiny ways, and sometimes those pieces of us affect others when we let them seep out into our actions. I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes the good and bad are so intense, that if you just focus on the good, something might appear to be perfection. On the other hand, when something is purely good and does not have those lows that make the highs feel higher, you may not have the words or the urge to write about that kind of good. I’ve found that the times in my life when I’ve talked to you (my readers) is usually when I was my most depressed. I sought to writing because it was my refuge away from the lack of silence in my own head. When I’d let any thoughts out, whether it was actually purging the bad ones or not, it would make me feel better. Writing something inspired in that time of my life made me feel like something was going right, even when nothing really was. A couple months ago, I was the saddest I had ever been, but wrote a lot of posts that I look back on and am pleased with how they make me feel. I guess at the very least during that time, I was introspective.
Sometimes I wish I could know if you look at me the same way I look at you: with permanent rose colored glass, only able to see the beauty and perfection that lies inside you. Every ounce of your being equating to just enough to satisfy all of my senses. To look at you, and think, will I ever stop falling in love with every single detail? The tiny gap between your teeth. The way your lips and teeth meet. The contrast between the flatness of your teeth, and the puffiness of your lips making your lips appear all that more appealing. The way your eyes look when just your gaze exudes how much you desire my body, but also the way they look when your emotions soften, and you pull me to you.
How the hair on every inch of your body reminds me that you’re rugged and masculine, just the way I like it. How it feels when you display your desire in one single embrace.
But sometimes it is not so easy to convey just how precious a moment feels. Sometimes words don’t do moments justice.
I’m pretty sure you have all heard of Mario, super Mario bros, Mario cart, and many other games with the Mario name tagged on it. Well Mario has a trade mark catch phrase: “just what I needed”. We seem to laugh at little Mario or completely zone out his voice in all, but his catch phrase reins true. Sometimes something happens and you think to yourself, that’s “just what I needed!” Say you’re not as happy as you could be a certain day. Then out of the blue, either someone compliments you, makes a sweet gesture, or whatever it may be, it just lights up your mood, and your smile is contagious. A smile is one of the simplest acts of kindness that we can give out each day, why don’t we do it more often? Usually we don’t think back to the traditional southern hospitality mentality. Where you see someone, wave, smile, say hello, comment on what a great day it is. All whilst passing by. We have all seemed to adopt a little hint of the northern ways of interacting. If you can even call it interacting. I’m not saying that all northerners are evil people who don’t have a soul, but they seem to have an idea of where their going and how they will execute their plan with the least interruptions to meet all their dead lines. So now instead of talking to people casually passing, we avoid eye contact, in fear of the other person thinking we have the cynical mind of a serial killer out looking for their next prey, or the possibility of awkward prolonged eye contact, etc. It’s all just so confusing to think about, we bypass it all together. Unless….. the person is close to your age, and idea of a perfect mate, you will most likely think about trying as hard as you can to avoid giving them the wrong impression. Yet still even when you want to appear all vivacious and flirty to that eligible prospect, chances are you could very well, cop out and glance coyly to your feet, cause that’s way sexier than exchanging feisty eye contact with them….Back to my main point though, why does the human race grow more and more uncomfortable with the people passing by on the street. We’re all so self conscious about how others perceive us, for all we know they could be focusing on how they are being perceived way to much to even care how we slightly glanced their way. I’ve noticed that when I feel my most confident I have acted more confident, felt happier, and didn’t seem to get as bothered by the little slips I have made, cause I disregarded the way I was being viewed and just thought “what the hay, no one saw that anyway”. I tend to mainly feel confident about my self after a little boost of happiness though, and that’s where the phrase Mario is famous for: “just what I needed”. Some of my “just what I needed” moments have been when I accomplished a goal I set, saw an adorable picture of an animal (don’t judge…it is a happiness inducer all in the same), thinking about a funny moment, listening to a an awesome song, waking up feeling well rested, doing something I love to do, reading an amazing story (in a book, blog, artical, newspaper, etc.), laying on the finely trimmed grass in the summer with the heat of the sun on your back and the breeze cooling you off, when someone compliments me, when I get a nice hug from someone, and many other day brightening mini events.
I hope you had a “just what I needed” moment today, because they truly can turn a sad, neutral, uneventful day, completely around.