Love

You find yourself more in love than you ever thought possible. There she lays, in your arms, perfect in every way. Every fiber of your being reacts in an instant to the reception of this precious little gift. She is your baby girl. You immediately acknowledge how fragile this little human is. In that moment, you vow to yourself right then and there, that you will do all you can to ensure that she is treated with the utmost care. She is a reflection of the love shared the night she was created. She is the product of the 9 months of cautious nurture and care of the beautiful womb that carried her. You felt this gorgeous baby’s kicks at night as your wife lay fast asleep. You anticipated her arrival, picturing how this new presence would change your entire world. What would this little bundle of joy look like? Smell like? Sound like? Interact like? Would she have you smile? Your eyes? Would you see a glimpse of yourself in her as her eyes sparkled with glee each time she saw your face reappear in a simple game of peek-a-boo? Many questions flooded your mind at night. Now everything has stilled, and the only question you have is right in front of you: “how will you let this precious child know everyday, without a doubt in her mind, that her daddy loves her?”

Days, weeks, months, years go by, and you see her grow up. She is everything you could have wished for and more. It’s not exactly what she’s done, or said, but in a way, it’s all of that. It’s the perfect imperfection of this little girl, the glimpses of you and your wife in this unique individual. Her smile radiates through the room. She has your blue eyes, she has your wife’s chestnut hair. When she wants something, she imitates your old puppy dog eyes that you used to use on your own parents– sometimes even on your wife as well (in a joking manner). She has an infectious giggle that brings a smile to your face every time you hear it.

One day she comes home from high school, and she tells you she met a boy. The smile on her face gives you the impression that this boy isn’t all that bad for her. You give her a light-hearted mock interrogation anyway, and ask her “does he make you happy?” “does he treat you right?” “is there really a guy out there perfect enough for my little girl?” Then you mention one last thing: “make sure that if he ever treats you any less than you deserve, you walk away, because you’re the most precious gift anyone ever could receive and he sure as hell better know that.” That night, thoughts race through your mind. You remember her first words, the tears you kissed away when she fell down and scraped her knee for the first time, the pride you had when she finally learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, the times you’d come in the kitchen and find her and your wife baking cookies, her first day of school. It all felt like it was just yesterday. Now she’s going on her first date. Your little girl has acknowledged the opposite sex in a new way. She no longer sees these boys as friends anymore. There is the potential that one of these days, she may even kiss one of these boys. That thought is tough to handle. This is your baby, the one you held in your arms. You face the fact that your little girl is now a sexual being, but with that comes primal intentions. How do you know this young boy will treat your daughter right, when all of his urges arise from such an primal place. Will he be able to control himself? On the other hand… will your little girl want him to control himself? A first kiss is enough to think about, but then there is so much more that could follow. Your sweet little baby’s body is seen as a sexual object now. Guys want to touch her and she wants to touch them too. Your darling’s sweet little hands and mouth may go places that would make you cringe. Picturing these things makes you sick. She’s your baby. The little girl that is only meant to be held by your loving, fatherly hands. It was only days ago that she was too small, to young, to walk on her own. So you held her in your arms for hours, staring at that spectacular little face. Your love for her was unconditional from the start, and will remain so until the end. You think of how the guys she will encounter won’t see her in the same light you have. Their love for her, if even love, won’t be unconditional for sure. Some will expect things of her. Some things you don’t even want to think about. The thoughts are put on pause, because you realize you’ll go crazy if you continue to let them ruminate.

So more days, weeks, months, years go by. Your little girl is officially a sexual being now (not that she wasn’t in the first place). There are many things that have happened that she hasn’t told you. She’s had her first kiss, she has experienced much more than that…, and she has gone through heartbreak. Guys have treated her with disrespect– she walked away just like you told her to— though sometimes she didn’t acknowledge it soon enough. The first boy to see your little angel’s unclothed, uncovered, innocent, bare body, trivialized it by jerking off to porn the following night. That boy that gave her her first kiss also gave her her first heartbreak when he cheated on her with a sexy cheerleader while he was intoxicated at a high school party. She dated the nice guys, the good guys, the losers, the jerks, the jocks. She also found the love of her life along the way, who treats her well, loves her in every way possible, and brings out the best in her every day. He’s the boy she’s bringing to thanksgiving when she comes home during the break. Little do you know, he’s the one. He encapsulates everything you could have ever wished for in a man that would hold your daughters heart.

Now don’t feel too relieved, there was another who almost won her heart before she fell for your new potential son-in-law. With this other man, things appeared to be perfectly fine. He was successful and had a fairly good income. He knew that this beautiful girl was too good for him. Yet when a problem would arise, he would blame her, he’d go into denial and would never apologize for his actions. Sometimes he would apologize— but only when it benefited him. If they would have married, he would have barked the words “get out of MY house” when he was frustrated. He would say things to tear her down, not build her up. Any accomplishment of hers would be overlooked. When enraged, he’d bring fear into your little girl’s heart. She would run to the closest room and lock herself inside until he had calmed down. He’s the one who would have stormed out of the house at  2 am in the morning, slamming the door behind him, screeching the car tires as he peeled out of the drive way. He would have been the one to bring doubt, fear, and sadness to your little girl’s heart those nights, making her ask why she deserved this treatment.

No one “deserves” to be treated that way. In this alternate ending, your little girl just found herself in a bad situation. Could you have imagined though, the heartache you would have felt for your little girl if it had gone that way? Wouldn’t you have wanted to walk straight up to that evil man and look him right in the eye and tell him off? Tell him he doesn’t deserve someone as amazing and precious as your little girl?

What if I told you there is a simple way to make sure that this never happens to your daughter/ future daughter? No one would ever break the heart of your bundle of joy, and it involves only one simple task: Treat everyone else’s baby girls with care. That woman you slept with tonight, that girl you’ve been planning to bang, the girl you cheated on when you were younger, the girl you only intend to sleep with. All of them are someone’s baby girl. Treat them as so. If not, how would you ever expect someone else to treat your’s with the utmost care?

Timing’s a bitch

You say that the timings not right, and you’re going to be busy… So we decide to stay just friends, with hopes of getting back together when there’s more time and things get less complicated.
The days go on and we go our separate ways. The first few months pass and it feels as though nothing is ever going to change, we hold onto the past never moving forward. When we take into realization the lack of progress, we make a self induced 180. We drastically change ourselves, trying to make up for the wasted months. We develop new patterns of thought to feel something new. Some things reflect the new perspectives we gained, others are there to replace that feeling of “not quite right”. Those “not quite right” thoughts aren’t apparent to us though. We don’t see that we’ve changed in some ways that aren’t representative of who we are, who we wanted to be, who we thought we were. You and I meet other people who believe that those new perspectives are a reflection of the real us. We create bonds over those things. We meet other people, and our worlds seem to grow farther apart. We aren’t who we once were. We’ve been changing at different paces, and haven’t managed to stay in sync. When we said goodbye, we also said goodbye to our common world. Our world’s without each other may have seemed only slightly different, but the difference was enough to shape us in ways that would drag us in separate directions.
It’s not that what we once had wasn’t strong, or wasn’t real. It was that we had to accept not having each other for a while. Accepting we couldn’t be together temporarily made it simpler to picture a never together. We could have been great. Our connection could have flourished.
Much like humans don’t leave a plant for a year though, and expect to find that plant instantly revived when they come to water it and give it sunlight after all that time. The plant was left in the dark all of that time. It lost hope day after day, wondering if it would survive without sun and water the entire year. It started to search its resources to find ways to stay alive. It took from the moisture in the soil, and the dirt as a place to stand comfortably and heartily. Eventually it can’t survive on what was once there before, and it slowly withers.
We come back to each other though after all of that time. We tell each other about our new lives without each other. If we would have predicted this moment a year ago, we would’ve told you that we’d jump into each others arms. We’d be eager to have each other after that painful wait. We’d finally indulge in each others bodies, we’d express the feelings we had to neglect for so long, we’d be surrounding by a whirlwind of passions… Happy tears would slowly run down our cheeks as we moved in sync touching all along each others bodies…. At once we could be together…
Here we are in this moment finally though, and I tell you about my life. I say “I met people, they’ve changed me. I’m no longer the girl you knew. I’m a fully developed woman now. I have connected with other guys. You know how I was pure when you met me? Well I’m quite tarnished now. I don’t resent the guys for what they shared with me, what they taught me, what they showed me…. I’ve leaned a lot I guess. They were deemed “appropriate” by society, but it didn’t make it feel any less wrong. I wish I could go back and rewrite how it all happened. If only we knew we’d change so much, we’d be so different, we’d have met new people, ended up falling in love with someone different than we thought we would….”
I tell you about him. The guy that is my future. You tell me about her…
We both feel numb to the sadness of not being able to be together. That feeling has been too repetitive to feel painful any longer. That part that was hanging onto the future between us has been calloused, protecting it from the old feelings. We go our separate ways, but this time we walk out of each others lives forever with no promise of a reunion 1 year from then…

Cheating and Superficiality

    I don’t know about you guys, but since when has our world become so obsessed with photo shopped beauty, cheating, affairs, the lust for one you can’t have, and drama, that we can’t even realize that all we need is love. We all may not realize it, but we search for it day in and day out. Looking for that connection with something or someone, whether it be a passion and love for a hobby, or a lover. Sometimes I think that we look away from the deeper connection with those things, and become far too attached to the superficial value something can bring us. I would like to defer back to the typical holly wood high school drama that plays day in and day out in movie story lines. The popular girl is the girl who obtained the highest exterior value because she has the best clothes, and obtained an enviable hobby: cheer leading. Because all cheer leaders must be like the ultimate gifted gymnast in bed, and have gorgeous hair, and are just the most amazing person ever. Even though being a girl, I could never tell you the comparisons between their sexual abilities compared to a regular girl’s abilities, I can bring up one possibility. Unless the guy they get with is ok with the same “routine” they have mastered, I’m pretty sure you’d be that girl who can f like a porn star. Maybe that girl only blows people’s minds with the coordination she has for those moves because shes rehearsed them a billion times. Okay I’m little off topic, but I will get there…. Just one more thing, and that is that that same popular girl goes the extra mile to up her status by getting the guy every girl fawns over. The guy whose looks seem like they’re strait from a magazine, or whose athletic abilities will bring him to the NFL, NBA, and so forth, but who doesn’t treat a girl right. That girl is only looking for how she will look being with him though, so she must not have that big of expectations for the integrity and personality he has. 

    I dare say though, that maybe people should start searching for a deeper connection in life. When you start to go steady with that one person, give your all. Show them that they chose the right person, and don’t treat them like they’re lucky to have you and you are just a settler. When you have that mind set, they always give, and you don’t; they give their feelings, effort, time, life, and so much more to you. They invest in you, open up, and share about themselves. If you never commit those parts of yourself, you’re never prone to heartbreak, only to leaving heartbroken people behind you. I believe that the ones who hurt the most after their relationships are the ones who love with all their heart the most. Giving people those things can lead to feeling like you opened up, and they didn’t love the real you. But truly, they couldn’t suffice enough of an effort to build the relationship up, and that’s their problem. 

   Another thing I don’t get is when one stops loving someone, and instead of taking that person out of their misery, treats them terribly to try to get them to end it, and then meanwhile cheats on them. Or the two of you are blissfully happy, and then one of you wants a side fun buddy as well. Or when you opt for the hooker for fun, while you have a committed girlfriend who loves you. Yes, it’s hard not to be drawn towards a shiny object, one that’s new and you haven’t discovered or tampered with yet. It is exciting to open about a different book to see what’s inside. Some would also say that once you open that new book you realize it’s a terribly boring story, it just doesn’t speak to your heart the way the last novel you read did. Maybe you realize that you may know now what will happen with that old novel, but yearn for its predictable comfort, and unique soul it had to it. Then you realize that book has moved to the best seller rack, and to get a copy, you’d have to be the richest man in the world now to obtain just a copy of it. Now the original is safely displayed in a home where it is cherished and appreciated for that predictable story line that you tired of. Have fun with your random trash novel you picked up for 50 cents at the front counter of the bookstore. 

     I don’t know why we humans are the way that we are, our lust for many human bodies, shooting in different directions at once. it seems we’re never satisfied with just one gorgeous body, we need to lay our eyes on all of them. Instead of picking our favorite, we beg to have more than one, because it’s just so hard to chose one when we know that there are a billion more beautiful and diverse options out there as well. I think we should all forget about that one person who may have piqued our interest for one second, and think about how if we fall into the temptation just once, it could hurt someone that would never dare hurt us that way. 

     

     This is just basically another random rant lol. If you agree or disagree and want to add anything, I’d love to hear your comments :). Goodbye my fellow bloggers!! 😛