My own personal honesty outlet

Many of you have possibly noticed that I talk a lot about my feelings and emotions in my posts, sometimes to ridiculous extents. It is because I view my blog as something to be even realer and rawer than a personal journal. When I write about my negative, positive, or ambivalent thoughts, I’m sharing them to release them and feel them, not to deny them. When I mention people who I’ve come into contact with, that may have rubbed me the wrong way, blogging about it is an instinct, second to telling them how I felt. Now many of you may instantly assume it is because I wish to slander them, but it honestly is nothing close to that. When you share things in a public setting like a blog, you allow others to comment and correct you if you are wrong. Putting my thoughts out there is my way of asking the world to give me their feedback. If I write about an instance in which someone did something to offend me, I could be totally overreacting, I could be missing a perspective that would give me proper insight into their actions towards me. I don’t paint myself, nor those who I write about in a false light, I show us for exactly who we are. I don’t embellish, and in fact, I try to decipher what could have led to their actions towards me, or others around me. With that being said, I also write about the experiences that sting to think about, because although they’re not pleasant, they are a part of me. All of my thoughts and experiences are here for me to judge as well, but also to accept them, rather than regret them.

Now although I write these things with the expectation that there could be negative and positive feedback for consideration, I would also like to let you all know this: I will take every comment on my actions/ thoughts into consideration, but that won’t always lead to me changing who I am at the core. Though I tend to prefer seeing things from all sides, there are certain things that though I can imagine the reasoning of the opposing perspective, I choose to take the other side. Now I take this approach knowing very well that everyone around me may choose to do the same when taking sides on an issue, and we may not always agree. Like I said in my post “Pick and choose I will,” I don’t think anyone has the perfect formula of perspectives, morals, and rules for life. I don’t think it’s possible to narrow it down to a specific set of beliefs, because we are all such unique individuals. So I expect dissonance with others, when it comes to thoughts and beliefs about certain things.

I’ll give you a little insight into why I’m opposed to specific things. My opposition is spurred when the other side possesses any of these core qualities: inequality, dishonesty, deceit, spite, hate, insecurity, greed, fear, control, ignorance, disrespect, promiscuity, superficiality, narcissism, etc.

Though, when I don’t agree with someone on something they believe/ do that goes against these things, I don’t judge or attempt to tell them to discontinue living with those beliefs, I just tell them my perspective on it, and whether or not they choose to change their ways, or enlighten me as to how it doesn’t possess those qualities I mentioned above, is up to them. Don’t get me wrong on one thing: I will consider shifting my view on something if convinced thoroughly, but typically I’ve already considered the arguments given on each issue I have taken one side on. I can be friends with people who have opposing beliefs, but I can’t always be as close to them as they may wish. I used to know a Scorpio as you all know. Let me tell you a few things about this Scorpio. He smoked weed daily for about two years (before I knew him. He smoked infrequently by the time I knew him, but it was apparent that he had smoked heavily in the past), dabbled with other drugs, cussed, skateboarded, liked physics, had a crush on me (at one point he told me he loved me. I’ll be elaborating on that later in this post), didn’t really respect authority, and was a very deep thinking individual.

To anyone who knows me very well, it was both perplexing, yet understandable as to why he and I, despite our intrinsic differences, connected and understood one another as much as we did. We were both very honest with one another from the start, about anything to do with our past, or what we were going through at the time (good or bad). It was the deepest friendship I’ve ever had with anyone, boyfriends included. Now many of you may ask “why didn’t it ever progress into something romantic, if you two connected as much as you say?” Well that’s the reason I’ve included this elaboration of that friendship in this particular post. This is to show you how I got extremely close to someone who I didn’t share some core beliefs with.

Though I appear to promote a bit of rebellion in my posts, I don’t display that rebellion through my actions in the way you’d expect. I’ve never experimented with drugs in the slightest, I’ve had alcohol once in my life (whiskey in some coffee in Ireland), I don’t smoke, and I’ve never done anything illegal.

My reasons for not smoking, drinking, or doing drugs is mainly based on the fact that they are illegal, but also beyond that one element. None of these things improve your body, for the most part, they only degrade it (ok, maybe medical marijuana can help people, and perhaps a glass of red wine a day is good for your health). These things also lend themselves to becoming addictions. Yes, I know that people can become addicted to unhealthy foods, and caffeine just the same, but people have chosen to cut even these legal addictions out of their lives.

It’s not simply the laws that cause me to be opposed to drugs, smoking, and drinking. It’s the dependency, and disregard that can come along with it. Many people can look at an overweight person and recognize that their reliance on food to make them feel better is unhealthy, but it’s not always as easy for the smoker, stoner, or alcoholic to use the same logic when viewing their addiction. They claim it relieves stress (which I don’t doubt), and that they have control over their need for it. The difference between food and caffeine versus the other addictions, is that they don’t affect those around you. When you smoke around others, you expose them to secondhand smoke. When you’re stoned, you expose them to an altered version of you. When you’re wasted, you expose others to an uninhibited, unpredictable you.

When I’m with someone, I want to be with them, not a drugged up, boozed up version of them. This Scorpio friend of mine didn’t ever seem to be high around me, but the thing that unnerved me was that I didn’t have any way to tell since the way his eyes were held, the way he spoke, and his body language, were all slightly altered from his stoner days, so it was impossible to tell. Let alone the fact that I have never been high myself, nor have I been around many high people since it truly isn’t my scene, so I didn’t know the signs of someone being high very well.

The true issue was that even though he and I understood each other very well, he didn’t see those differences in beliefs as a problem, when I did. I can see how he didn’t have a problem with it though, because he didn’t care if I was a stoner type, and he actually seemed to be attracted to me even though in retrospect, I embodied the polar opposite of his lifestyle.

Like I said in my last post about him though, he found a girl that is like him, which to me seems like the far better option. Yes it may suck that things don’t work out romantically with some people because we have different value sets, but I think in a way it protects the connection from being tainted by the results of a failed relationship that could have been prevented. In his last text/ letter to me, he said he still loved me. Now many of you may not understand how someone could love a person they have never been romantically involved with in a romantic way, but in this situation, even though things never progressed farther than friendship, I can see how it is possible since we shared an intimacy that was deeper than some people who date one another.

If you do drugs, smoke, drink, sleep around, or have a belief that possess the qualities I mentioned above, you most likely won’t have my heart or my body, but you will have my friendship. I may even write about you on my blog (don’t worry, I’ll be nice). I will always have a spot in my heart for the ones I connected with, but didn’t share a romantic relationship with, but they’ll always remain at a loving arms length.