Moments

Sometimes I wish I could know if you look at me the same way I look at you: with permanent rose colored glass, only able to see the beauty and perfection that lies inside you. Every ounce of your being equating to just enough to satisfy all of my senses. To look at you, and think, will I ever stop falling in love with every single detail? The tiny gap between your teeth. The way your lips and teeth meet. The contrast between the flatness of your teeth, and the puffiness of your lips making your lips appear all that more appealing. The way your eyes look when just your gaze exudes how much you desire my body, but also the way they look when your emotions soften, and you pull me to you.
How the hair on every inch of your body reminds me that you’re rugged and masculine, just the way I like it. How it feels when you display your desire in one single embrace.
But sometimes it is not so easy to convey just how precious a moment feels. Sometimes words don’t do moments justice.

tea with honey

Imagine for a second, a freshly steeped cup of tea. No sweeteners or creamers added. It is raw and unique in its particular set of flavors. Each cup of that one flavor however, is different than the next. No cup of tea is the same. Though once you get past that simple fact, there is also tea with honey. This cup of tea with honey is just like the rest, but it is extra sweet. It’s addictive. At points you find yourself having an afternoon cup of tea with the addition of honey not because you find yourself parched, but rather, you crave it.

Voices are much like tea. They’re all different, whether or not they share similarities, not one is the same. When you add sugar and creamer to tea, I would say that’s a thicker version of a particular tone of voice. But when you add honey to tea, it is like a voice with a perfect accent.

The way you speak entrances me. I could listen to you whisper sweet nothings into my ear all day. When in a fit of passion, you declare your desire for me as a whisper in my ear, the trill and the quality of your voice weakens me every time. I never knew a voice could seduce me until I heard you speak for the first time. It’s unique in every way, and just hearing your voice makes me smile and bite my lower lip in utter content. Hearing you laugh is almost as entrancing as hearing you speak, because there is a thickness and perfect taint to that beautiful laughter. Its unapologetically raw and pure in the expression of your true natural pitch. That laughter of yours resonates within a room and brings warmth with it. I have one last comment and then I’ll leave it at that. I love your voice and want you to know that every moment you speak, every moment you laugh adds to the essence of a room. Don’t let that perfect voice ever be silenced. Don’t ever let it go to waste. 

Lethargy 

I feel tired, I want to sleep, my motivation is ceasing, and all I can think of is how this isn’t me. I haven’t been me for a while… Not just a few weeks, but for months, I’ve been some other person. I’ve lost the part of me that I love. To some it may seem trivial, it may appear to be lust, or come across as petty that something as simple as earthly desires occupies my mind so frequently. I apologize, it’s just something that never leaves my mind. For the longest time, I was free, I shared affection with those around me, and I loved life. When I’d become exclusive with someone, I’d easily turn people down, but still maintain a sincere friendship with them. The reason I turned them down so easily is not because I felt I had to or that they weren’t perfect in their own way, but because I was perfectly content in my current lover’s arms. When I’m in love I feel whole. Not because I need someone else to be complete. I don’t need someone to be happy. It’s the fact that I can express a part of me that is otherwise left unrevealed. I’m very affectionate. Not just your typical huggy, cuddly type, but even more. When I kiss your lips, I want to sense every part of your mouth. How you taste, how your lips feel pressed against mine, your breath. When I kiss your neck as I straddle your lap, I am in my most comfortable state. The action of kissing your neck is very enjoyable, but it’s not even just that. It’s watching you tilt your neck to expose more skin for my lips to devour. It’s hearing a groan escape your lips. Feeling you relax and enjoy every sensation. As I trail kisses up your neck and reach your ear lobe, I love the shift in reaction. To me, your ear lobe is perfect. It’s soft and adorable and fun to nibble on. For you, this simple, innocent part of your body contains nerve endings that somehow send pleasure throughout your body. There’s something about such an innocent body part providing you with pleasure that makes me happy. I love to run my hands through your hair and hold your head in my hands not only because I know it feels nice, but also because feeling your hair in my hands makes me content. It’s soft and perfect, and smells like you. When I sink my body into yours as I grind into you, I don’t simply enjoy the act just because it’s turning me on. I like to grind into you, to bring my body closer to yours, so that I can get as close to you as possible. I want to feel every inch of you pressed up against me, because to me, you are perfection. Perhaps I’ll finish the list of sexual acts at a later date, but for now, this will do. My point is, affection is one of my main modes of self expression. It makes me feel more like myself. I haven’t truly touched someone without inhibitions in a very long time. Just like in other aspects of my life, I’m quite particular and meticulous when it comes to choosing who I touch, simply because touch means so much to me. I don’t waste my time all too often, cuddling, kissing, or hugging the wrong people. When I like you, it means something, it doesn’t happen that often. So far, my methods have worked, I’ve never regretted a single touch. I wish to continue this way, but I’m not so sure how long I can hold off. I miss it. That human to human contact that reminds us of what it’s like to be alive. The foreign feeling of a first kiss with someone new. 

Some words

Sometimes life happens and you feel yourself get swept away in the tide of everyday activities and interactions. You see the crash and fall of the waves, but sometimes you don’t feel them like you naturally would. Something’s on your mind. Your thoughts can’t help but wander. Where do they wander? Is it to thoughts of a significant other? A new romantic interest? Is it that old flame that still burns and singes your soul? Is it wandering to thoughts of finding that thing called love that everyone talks so fondly about? They wander everywhere. Currently stuck on the beautiful idea of a twin flame. “What is a twin flame?” It is a concept that can give you hope or break you down entirely. To those who haven’t found a remarkable spark with anyone, the idea that a greater connection and love brings happiness to them—also alluding to the fact that they haven’t lost their shot yet. Some have love and lost— sometimes they just so happen to lose their twin flame. How would they lose it if it is an even stronger bond/ connection/ passion than a soulmate, you ask? Well you never truly lose it— it becomes unavailable, unattainable, too difficult to hold onto. Not every lost twin flame is gone forever, but sometimes it appears that way. It all comes down to the two individuals who share that connection. Are you stubborn? Are you foolish enough to let your twin flame walk even farther out of your life while you’re settling for a lesser passion? Are you scared? Are you too blind to see that you’re losing them day by day? Are you too heartbroken to give it another shot? If so, you might just lose them. It is a little difficult to continue to try when the odds are against you. History is made, and sometimes bridges are burned. Sometimes those pained goodbyes are final. It’s not because neither of you feel anything for each other anymore— you might feel everything, but you’ll never tell…

The other day I watched a movie that portrayed this kind of connection. They broke up because it was necessary, not because the love had faded. It never faded, even after 20 years of being apart. They still thought of one another after all of that time had passed. When they saw each other after all of those years, the connection, the passion, the yearning for one another still remained. It’s not the conversations they had, or the things that they shared in common, or the things they knew about one another. It was the need to be next to one another, with no clear reason. It is the desire to see and talk to that soul, because it is the only one yours finds effortless comfort with. They craved each other’s bodies– not because their bodies were perfectly toned and proportioned, but because that body belonged to the soul they couldn’t bare to live without.

Of course the movie didn’t end well…. I just so happened to conveniently remember towards the end, that the writer of the story is notorious for creating sad movies involving deaths to induce tears and despair in the viewer.

Love

You find yourself more in love than you ever thought possible. There she lays, in your arms, perfect in every way. Every fiber of your being reacts in an instant to the reception of this precious little gift. She is your baby girl. You immediately acknowledge how fragile this little human is. In that moment, you vow to yourself right then and there, that you will do all you can to ensure that she is treated with the utmost care. She is a reflection of the love shared the night she was created. She is the product of the 9 months of cautious nurture and care of the beautiful womb that carried her. You felt this gorgeous baby’s kicks at night as your wife lay fast asleep. You anticipated her arrival, picturing how this new presence would change your entire world. What would this little bundle of joy look like? Smell like? Sound like? Interact like? Would she have you smile? Your eyes? Would you see a glimpse of yourself in her as her eyes sparkled with glee each time she saw your face reappear in a simple game of peek-a-boo? Many questions flooded your mind at night. Now everything has stilled, and the only question you have is right in front of you: “how will you let this precious child know everyday, without a doubt in her mind, that her daddy loves her?”

Days, weeks, months, years go by, and you see her grow up. She is everything you could have wished for and more. It’s not exactly what she’s done, or said, but in a way, it’s all of that. It’s the perfect imperfection of this little girl, the glimpses of you and your wife in this unique individual. Her smile radiates through the room. She has your blue eyes, she has your wife’s chestnut hair. When she wants something, she imitates your old puppy dog eyes that you used to use on your own parents– sometimes even on your wife as well (in a joking manner). She has an infectious giggle that brings a smile to your face every time you hear it.

One day she comes home from high school, and she tells you she met a boy. The smile on her face gives you the impression that this boy isn’t all that bad for her. You give her a light-hearted mock interrogation anyway, and ask her “does he make you happy?” “does he treat you right?” “is there really a guy out there perfect enough for my little girl?” Then you mention one last thing: “make sure that if he ever treats you any less than you deserve, you walk away, because you’re the most precious gift anyone ever could receive and he sure as hell better know that.” That night, thoughts race through your mind. You remember her first words, the tears you kissed away when she fell down and scraped her knee for the first time, the pride you had when she finally learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, the times you’d come in the kitchen and find her and your wife baking cookies, her first day of school. It all felt like it was just yesterday. Now she’s going on her first date. Your little girl has acknowledged the opposite sex in a new way. She no longer sees these boys as friends anymore. There is the potential that one of these days, she may even kiss one of these boys. That thought is tough to handle. This is your baby, the one you held in your arms. You face the fact that your little girl is now a sexual being, but with that comes primal intentions. How do you know this young boy will treat your daughter right, when all of his urges arise from such an primal place. Will he be able to control himself? On the other hand… will your little girl want him to control himself? A first kiss is enough to think about, but then there is so much more that could follow. Your sweet little baby’s body is seen as a sexual object now. Guys want to touch her and she wants to touch them too. Your darling’s sweet little hands and mouth may go places that would make you cringe. Picturing these things makes you sick. She’s your baby. The little girl that is only meant to be held by your loving, fatherly hands. It was only days ago that she was too small, to young, to walk on her own. So you held her in your arms for hours, staring at that spectacular little face. Your love for her was unconditional from the start, and will remain so until the end. You think of how the guys she will encounter won’t see her in the same light you have. Their love for her, if even love, won’t be unconditional for sure. Some will expect things of her. Some things you don’t even want to think about. The thoughts are put on pause, because you realize you’ll go crazy if you continue to let them ruminate.

So more days, weeks, months, years go by. Your little girl is officially a sexual being now (not that she wasn’t in the first place). There are many things that have happened that she hasn’t told you. She’s had her first kiss, she has experienced much more than that…, and she has gone through heartbreak. Guys have treated her with disrespect– she walked away just like you told her to— though sometimes she didn’t acknowledge it soon enough. The first boy to see your little angel’s unclothed, uncovered, innocent, bare body, trivialized it by jerking off to porn the following night. That boy that gave her her first kiss also gave her her first heartbreak when he cheated on her with a sexy cheerleader while he was intoxicated at a high school party. She dated the nice guys, the good guys, the losers, the jerks, the jocks. She also found the love of her life along the way, who treats her well, loves her in every way possible, and brings out the best in her every day. He’s the boy she’s bringing to thanksgiving when she comes home during the break. Little do you know, he’s the one. He encapsulates everything you could have ever wished for in a man that would hold your daughters heart.

Now don’t feel too relieved, there was another who almost won her heart before she fell for your new potential son-in-law. With this other man, things appeared to be perfectly fine. He was successful and had a fairly good income. He knew that this beautiful girl was too good for him. Yet when a problem would arise, he would blame her, he’d go into denial and would never apologize for his actions. Sometimes he would apologize— but only when it benefited him. If they would have married, he would have barked the words “get out of MY house” when he was frustrated. He would say things to tear her down, not build her up. Any accomplishment of hers would be overlooked. When enraged, he’d bring fear into your little girl’s heart. She would run to the closest room and lock herself inside until he had calmed down. He’s the one who would have stormed out of the house at  2 am in the morning, slamming the door behind him, screeching the car tires as he peeled out of the drive way. He would have been the one to bring doubt, fear, and sadness to your little girl’s heart those nights, making her ask why she deserved this treatment.

No one “deserves” to be treated that way. In this alternate ending, your little girl just found herself in a bad situation. Could you have imagined though, the heartache you would have felt for your little girl if it had gone that way? Wouldn’t you have wanted to walk straight up to that evil man and look him right in the eye and tell him off? Tell him he doesn’t deserve someone as amazing and precious as your little girl?

What if I told you there is a simple way to make sure that this never happens to your daughter/ future daughter? No one would ever break the heart of your bundle of joy, and it involves only one simple task: Treat everyone else’s baby girls with care. That woman you slept with tonight, that girl you’ve been planning to bang, the girl you cheated on when you were younger, the girl you only intend to sleep with. All of them are someone’s baby girl. Treat them as so. If not, how would you ever expect someone else to treat your’s with the utmost care?

Timing 

I was just brought through a whirlwind of unpleasant emotions while watching a movie…. You know when you continue to root for two people to end up together, but the timing is always off for them? Well just picture having that feeling 3 or more times within the span of a hour or so. The reason I say multiply it, is because this movie would arouse the feeling, satiate you with a new love interest for each character, then arouse the feeling again, next they leave you feeling despair and giving up on rooting for the couple, arouse the feeling once more, and then give you a yearning hope for a bit longer, because of course at this point it must be inevitable that they end up together. They did… Thank god… The emotional investment into their romance/ friendship was too much to go through to not have a happy ending. 
I know some of you may be shaking your heads at how caught up in the movie I got, but I swear, it was all too similar to the poor timing we all witness/ go through throughout our lives with potential romantic partners. 
It’s torture to see two people who have an intrinsic connection, a core understanding of one another, and a mutual attraction, just skirting around the issue (liking one another), end up with other people as a result. I know that it’s tempting to wait for the perfect moment or the most romantic way to approach telling someone you have romantic feelings for them. Or possibly, you want to skip over the mundane profession of like, and wait for the perfect moment to kiss them in a manner that conveys all that you feel towards them/ the feeling you get when you’re around them. 
I understand that that is what we all strive for: the moment. When it doesn’t have to be put out there before you are sure they feel the same. It would be a wonderful thing if we could all get the timing down to a T. For two amazing people who have spectacular chemistry to find the moment where their interest in one another is in sync, and they can just sense it. Then you have the moment, and you both feel the magnetic connection you share. You both lean in, and passionately express the pent up desire you have for one another.
That’s the dream, but sadly it’s not always the case. We wait eagerly for the moment, but we get scared and don’t act on it. We fear rejection, so we hold off a little longer. That little longer turns into too long. You share the connection forever, but if you give them any doubt, you may loose your chance. We live in a world where spectacular people are hard to come by, and additionally, they’re typically taken by another spectacular person. Although sometimes we’re lucky enough to find these people while they’re being their amazing selves as a single unit for the time being. Maybe they’ve decided to hold off for someone just like your self. You’ll never know if you don’t cherish this lull in their pursuit for a relationship with someone other than yourself. It will be too late, and perhaps you’ll turn out to be one of two spectacular people they know after that “little longer” you’ve created for yourself is over with. 
Now I’m not saying that each outstanding individual you meet will flit quickly from one romantic interest to the next, but I will tell you this. If you see the spark in their eye that lights up your universe during your time together, chances are others see that spark as well. If you notice how stunningly unique this individual is, in both mind and body, chances are others see it too. Now what is the secret to preserving your moment with them? Show them your spark, and remind them of your existence. Continue to present yourself with opportunities to add on to the connection you both know you have. 
I know we all see yearning and poor timing as romantic in movies because we know they have to end up with one another, but it’s not always as apparent in real life. Sometimes both people don’t recognize an amazing connection until it’s too late. 
Although there’s only a few spectacular people in the world, there’s even less spectacular people’s whose soul resonates with yours. When you find yourself in tune with another, don’t let yourself loose that, because that kind of thing doesn’t come along all too often. 

Perfection

Body, mind, and spirit.

The other day it occurred to me that some look for all, then there are others who only acknowledge a body, but don’t admire the mind and spirit that lie within it. I recently talked about how the simplicity of the appreciation of the human form is a beautiful thing, and I still believe that, but I feel there is another aspect to it all that needs to be discussed. 
If you don’t have appreciation for the spirit and mind that lie within a beautiful body, I don’t think you are appreciating it the same way that one who appreciates all facets of the beautiful body is. 
There are those who are ravenous, and then those who know how to savor a delicious meal. You can put these two types of people at the same table, in the same setting, and serve the same food, but they won’t be experiencing the same thing. 
The savorer strategically ensures he has all of the flavors of the meal perfectly stacked onto his fork, so that he may enjoy the combination of flavors, and not mistakenly neglect the main complement of the dish. He looks at the food as an experience, allowing each succulent piece to resonate in his mouth, and dance on his tongue. He loved the aesthetic appeal of his meal and the unforgettable flavors that came along with it. He leaves, knowing that if he visits again, he will surely request the same meal. 
Then we have the ravenous man. He sees the plate of food and instantly knows it’s what he wants. He picks up his fork immediately and digs in. Instead of taking his sweet time to taste every individual bite, he decides the best approach is to eat it as fast as he can. He can’t control how delicious it is, and how badly he wants to continue to devour it. The man finishes the meal in record time, and requests seconds. The waiters tell him that that was the last one for the night, and the chef had gone home. The man, feeling unsatisfied and hungry, asks if the chef made anything else. They bring in a slice of cake, and the ravenous man grins, and proceeds with it in the same way he did the meal prior. 
These two people, given the same opportunity have drastically different experiences. The man who savored his meal truly appreciated it in all its complexity. The other man didn’t have such luck. He acknowledged that it was a very decadent meal, but didn’t pay it the same respect. 
I guess what it all boils down to is respect and understanding of that beautiful, perfect body. I’m not saying the ravenous man doesn’t have the capability to see its perfection, but he robs himself of true appreciation due to a lack of respect and understanding of it. Remember the old rule, “observe with your eyes and not your hands”? Let’s say you were instructed to apply that to the beautiful body in front of you. The sight of the body alone should elicit your true appreciation for it, not the sexual urges you may get when staring at the perfection. 
If you can look at the body in its most innocent, natural, and rawest state, you’ve seen enough to truly appreciate it. If you’ve only seen the act that it puts on for observers, you haven’t seen its truly beautiful form. 
I’m not going to discount the superficial lust that we all still can be entitled to, but I will say this. There is a difference between a temporary, fleeting appreciation and a continuous appreciation. If it was temporary and fleeting, then you truly didn’t see the perfection, and that’s a shame. 
Inside every beautiful, perfect body lies an even more remarkable spirit and mind to be appreciated.