Moments

Sometimes I wish I could know if you look at me the same way I look at you: with permanent rose colored glass, only able to see the beauty and perfection that lies inside you. Every ounce of your being equating to just enough to satisfy all of my senses. To look at you, and think, will I ever stop falling in love with every single detail? The tiny gap between your teeth. The way your lips and teeth meet. The contrast between the flatness of your teeth, and the puffiness of your lips making your lips appear all that more appealing. The way your eyes look when just your gaze exudes how much you desire my body, but also the way they look when your emotions soften, and you pull me to you.
How the hair on every inch of your body reminds me that you’re rugged and masculine, just the way I like it. How it feels when you display your desire in one single embrace.
But sometimes it is not so easy to convey just how precious a moment feels. Sometimes words don’t do moments justice.

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Sexuality 

Sitting, surrounded by people, and none know a single thing that’s going on. The opposite sex accidentally reveals their struggle blatantly, but yours remains hidden. It’s random, unexpected, but also pleasant. You’re not supposed to feel these sensations while in public. It’s a private matter. You tell yourself to stop. To think about neutral topics. Despite it all, your body rages on. Coerced by nothing, stimulated by the unexpected. It’s just happening. As hard as you try to stop it, to repress it, it continues on. 

The second you can, you run to a private space. You question why you’d allow yourself to feel such innapropriate sensations in public. ‘It didn’t harm anyone.’ ‘Yeah, but it’s also deviant behavior.’ 

There’s a knock at the door. You answer, and in he walks. That innocent little striped dress is now slipped off of your body by his big hands, with your assistance. Next thing you know, there you lay, directly undrrneath him, both of you with minimal fabric to cover your bodies and shield your eyes from lustful glances. His gaze is begging to look at your body in its one true state. Unclothed, unaltered, the imperfections revealed. You look into his eyes and desire the same of him. To have him reveal his body, for you to watch as he unveils what your body is begging to see. Both of you take turns indulging in how every part of one another’s bodies feel under the touch of your hands, how wonderful it is to run your mouth along the most delicate, sensitive areas, and place a kiss, or deliver a tantalizingly gentle bite. Your lips meet, and your tongues begin to explore and intermingle, like two long lost lovers discovering one another once again. He flips you two over, and now you’re on top. You’re nearly naked form on display. The first article of clothing… Then the next… Suddenly you’ve found yourself completely stripped of everything. His eyes take in every inch of your body, arousing all of his senses. It’s his turn next, and he happily obliges. Soon, the two of you have now found yourselves ultimately revealed. There’s nothing left to cover, everything’s exposed. You indulge in your desires. Your bodies mold as one, as he moves in you. You engage in the most sensual, lustful, forbidden, sinful, dirty act known to man, and you love every second of it. 

tea with honey

Imagine for a second, a freshly steeped cup of tea. No sweeteners or creamers added. It is raw and unique in its particular set of flavors. Each cup of that one flavor however, is different than the next. No cup of tea is the same. Though once you get past that simple fact, there is also tea with honey. This cup of tea with honey is just like the rest, but it is extra sweet. It’s addictive. At points you find yourself having an afternoon cup of tea with the addition of honey not because you find yourself parched, but rather, you crave it.

Voices are much like tea. They’re all different, whether or not they share similarities, not one is the same. When you add sugar and creamer to tea, I would say that’s a thicker version of a particular tone of voice. But when you add honey to tea, it is like a voice with a perfect accent.

The way you speak entrances me. I could listen to you whisper sweet nothings into my ear all day. When in a fit of passion, you declare your desire for me as a whisper in my ear, the trill and the quality of your voice weakens me every time. I never knew a voice could seduce me until I heard you speak for the first time. It’s unique in every way, and just hearing your voice makes me smile and bite my lower lip in utter content. Hearing you laugh is almost as entrancing as hearing you speak, because there is a thickness and perfect taint to that beautiful laughter. Its unapologetically raw and pure in the expression of your true natural pitch. That laughter of yours resonates within a room and brings warmth with it. I have one last comment and then I’ll leave it at that. I love your voice and want you to know that every moment you speak, every moment you laugh adds to the essence of a room. Don’t let that perfect voice ever be silenced. Don’t ever let it go to waste. 

A letter for my thoughts

I’d like to begin by letting you all know that the posts I’ve written thus far have been about many people, some platonic, some romantic. Sometimes it’s fictitious, or at least I attempt to convince myself that. Though I’m a one-guy girl when I get into relationships, I may write about many guys (not always because of a romantic interest in them). I write about the people I’m thinking about, or who’s presence in my thoughts is influencing my emotions, in a good or bad way. I never mention names, and though there is a name in mind, I’m writing about whatever it is, for myself, not for any of the people to ever read it. So, I’ll let you all know now, it’s not solely dedicated to writing letters to anyone in particular. But back to what I was saying–Whether they’re good or bad feelings, I’m going to write them on a page to release and experience them. Though there are some times when I write about an ideal or the polar opposite, and though it could apply to a guy I know, I may not have made that connection with my thoughts yet. So when attempting to decipher who the letter posts I write are to, your guess is as good as mine.
….when I stare across a room into your eyes, I feel at home. It provides me comfort, as well as serving to intrigue me. You have a soft biting sparkle to your eyes. Conversing with you feels as though each response is a challenge, which is a very addictive quality; who would back down from a challenge?

Sometimes when our hearts are yearning, we remember/ desire the things that stimulate our senses, or remind us of a mutual passion shared between us and a lover. For me, it’s your soft curls. Grasping onto them, while you gaze into my eyes with desire. It feels as though we’ve found our own world in this moment. I crave your lips on mine. One look can lead my mind to believe something so pleasurable is forbidden. Well that just serves to make it even more enticing…

When I picture arousal, it doesn’t remain within a particular constraint. The standard for intensity has been raised. Many may think of my desires as twisted, I look at them as a form of release and a higher feeling.

Normally, a bland, superficial, vacuous setting, no matter how sexually charged, bores me (so basically, dinner and a movie, a party, or any setting that would lead me to see that you lack that one quality I’m looking for). You could be the hottest guy in the world, and I may end up feeling as though I could derive more pleasure from eating an apple (the fruit, just the fruit. Don’t get any ideas. It’s simply a word to infer that the pleasure is mundane).

All encompassing, passionate, dominant, loving, caring, lustful, compassionate, and uniquely yourself. That’s what captures my interest. If you poses these qualities, you are a sexy human being, and you should definitely continue doing things how you are, because it’s magnetic. You’re captivating. Well that is, at least to me.
You see, I write some of these things in present tense, because in my memory, that’s what it feels like. I know the difference between the past and the present, but for the purposes of this entry, it will remain present.
Part 2-
The other day I was asked why I listen to sad music. I understand the trend is to listen to upbeat, uplifting music, produced by a singer who appears to lead the perfect, most glamorous life. That simply doesn’t appeal to me. I can see why people don’t want to listen to my current obsession’s music.

Let me clarify one thing before I go on: no music is the best music. Yes, the musician that just came to your mind that you were prepared to vehemently defend as the best is good to you, but is it good to everyone? Although maybe that’s not how you classify/assess the level of perfection a musician is at.

Is it content (the story of the song). Does this mean it all has to be philosophical, progressive messages, uplifting lyrics? Or can it be about heartbreak and the simple things we all go through in life, that seem to affect us the most, possibly even more than all of the higher thinking?

Or is it the use of different affects, beats, and overall composition of the music that comprises the overall sound?

Is it the level of vocal skills that a musician demonstrates that determines the skill? Or is it also mixed with the passion and emotion they are able to convey when they sing their song?

If you say all of these things comprise a good song, then I agree. If you simply state that it’s all about a formula that it takes to set up a song’s beat, tied in with a very talented voice, you’ve just stripped music of its entire meaning.

Personally I would like to believe that music should be rated on how deeply it evokes a reaction within us, when we hear it. This tends to lend itself to no universally perfect music. Like I mentioned in “what does music mean to you?” how no one has the same definition of perfection, but to someone you’re perfect, and the same applies to music. Most songs don’t affect every single individual that listens to them, the same way.

With that definition being laid out there, I’m going to continue. Yet again, I’m listening to Abel Tesfaye (the weeknd). Right now my mind craves this music. It appeals to all of my senses, and I feel that I can resonate with his music.

Maybe he’s not the best. However, I don’t care. Honestly, I would like to request you all do a full evaluation of all of his songs, not just the mainstream ones that give him a bad rep, before we talk further on his skill level.
Yes, the claws are coming out because I’m in my Abel bubble at the moment. I have his music blasting with the windows down, feeling the beautiful wind breeze past me (someone else is driving the car I’m in).

With that being said, the claws aren’t really out, but I will continue with my current addiction, because it’s what I need/ want right now.

Tired thoughts 

I’m very exhausted at the moment, but I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep anytime soon, due to my current thoughts. These thoughts go a little like this.Why do I have to crush on guys…. Why can’t I just turn that part of my mind off, and just allow them to crush on me, it would be so much simpler. There wouldn’t be the disappointment you feel when they don’t give you signals, or don’t seem to give any reciprocation of interest in getting to know you. I wouldn’t have to think about staying purely platonic around all guys, but the one I like. But alas, it’s not possible to shut these crush feelings off… They suck, but both genders are burdened with them. Although I’m beginning to question whether the crush feelings manifest the same way when it comes to each gender. 

Do guys ever feel disappointed when their crush doesn’t text back? Or they’re not seeming to give any apparent signals? 

Though I believe getting rid of a feeling as common as crushing is nearly impossible, I’m going to attempt to. I’m over it… It’s not fun. I’m not going to necessarily get rid of my crush, I’m just not going to actively put myself out there to be let down. I’ll still add to conversation, be witty, be friendly, be flirty, and all of that fun stuff, but I’m not going to put any expectations on any interaction with the person I like. 

I’m going to keep doing what I do, and living life, and if along the way, that attracts them, great. If not, I’m not going to fret about it. I have my entire life to meet sexy guys that I vibe with, this just happens to be a part of my life where I’m kind of hung up on the thought of one in particular. 

If it doesn’t lead to anything it won’t matter, he just won’t know what he missed. Yes it’s a cocky thing to say… But I honestly believe I make a pretty good girlfriend (That title for lack of a better word). I enjoy pleasing my partner, as much as I enjoy it when it’s reciprocated. I have a genuine interest in getting to know what comprises each person I get involved with. Who is this amazing individual—in mind, body, and spirit. I try my best to make them feel cherished and special, because they are special to me. These are simply the basics that come to mind at the moment, but my mind is too fogged to remember the rest. 

Right now as I’m writing this, all I can focus on is an ideal. Particular names aren’t standing out to me, because I have yet to meet another person that fits my “ideal.” I’m laying on my bed and all I wish is that I had a sexy guy to come nuzzle into me, and take me away from my writing for some passionate kissing instead. As the kissing intensifies, maybe even trailing kisses down my neck, possibly stopping along the way to leave a mark to remind me “where I belong” (song reference). 

Earlier today I reminisced of past infatuations and relationships. I thought about the reasons why I was drawn to these guys in the first place. I’m not sure if all of you have guessed yet, but lately I’ve found myself hit on by guys, but not interested, and then on the other hand I’ve found myself having an unrequited crush. When I got involved with all of my past boyfriends, the interest was always mutual instantly…

However, it did take them initiating things for me to notice them, but once I noticed them, I felt the same connection.

There is one particular thing that may or may not be related to this whole blog post, that I’d like to talk about. There is nothing sexier to me than when a guy senses my interest, and then actively shows interest (I reciprocate of course). This direct approach is a huge turn on, and it gives me the sense that this guy knows exactly what he wants, and he’s not going to sit around waiting for an in. Instead, he’s going to go for what he wants, at the first opportunity he gets. 

Now many of you may all be thinking “yeah… that approach is basically screaming ‘he wants to have sex with you'”. That is slightly true, but I don’t think you ever meet someone who’s interested in you, that hasn’t at least thought of that possibility. I’ve met guys who were super passive in their approach, with the same amount of lust as the ones who were super direct. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer the direct guy over the passive guy any day. When you’re direct, you appear more confident and interested, than if you were to take a passive approach to the situation. 

Misunderstood

At the moment I’m listening to music in my favorite setting- head phones in, music blasting, laying on my bed, typing this post on my phone. Recently I’ve found myself intrigued by the music of Abel Tesfaye. For those of you don’t know, he is the singer who goes by the name “the weeknd.” The first song I heard of his actually rubbed me the wrong way, but a few weeks ago, I heard another song of his that I liked a lot, and I decided to further investigate his music. Now his style is just the same in all of his songs as the first song I heard by him, but my outlook has changed. The messages in his songs are a little derogatory and misogynistic at first glance. Though I believe there is an underlying tone to his songs that hold some validity to them– then again, maybe I’m simply trying to find a reason to justify why they appeal to me. Though I don’t appreciate how he sings about sleeping around, and with multiple people at a time, I feel that his motives aren’t simply black or white. As many musicians probably experience, he’s faced with the prospect of encountering women who put him on a pedestal, or chase him for the status or money that comes along with him. In this situation, most could probably see how it would be difficult to truly connect with people, because it’s not very often that he’ll encounter someone who sees him for who he truly is- Abel tesfaye, the guy who skipped town one weekend, never looking back. He wasn’t raised in a perfect family- he earned his fame by being uniquely him, it wasn’t handed down to him, he wasn’t simply the son of people who had connections in the industry. He’s a complex character, and quite secretive on top of that. Though, he exposes little parts of himself, his personality, and his nature, in every single song. He doesn’t produce songs for the entire world to approve of. He creates them to express what he’s gone through, and what he’s going through. 

But back to how he alludes to sleeping around with many women at a time. For all we know, he could be hung up on one girl, and since her, he’s been unable to connect with anyone in the same way. Maybe no one takes the time to truly get to know what comprises Abel tesfaye. I don’t know about you, but that would lead me to just sleep around for the rest of my life if I didn’t believe anyone cared to know who I was, or could even begin to compare to the love and connection I once felt for someone else. 

I will say one thing though- even though his music is overtly sexual, and conveys an appeal of the forbidden, I actually enjoy that aspect of it. Like in his song “where you belong.” In this song, he basically tells this girl, it doesn’t matter who she’s with when he’s gone, because when he’s back in town, she belongs to him. There is a possessive tone the entire song that screams that she is all his. In general I would say that a loose grip on the one you love is the best approach (like how you wouldn’t want to grip to tightly on a handful of sand), but he approaches this differently. It’s not out of insecurity that he grips on tight. It’s more in a passionate, ownership, lustful kind of way. And though in some instances, ownership isn’t necessarily a positive thing to everyone, because autonomy and all of that, it’s in a different way. He doesn’t “own her” own her. It’s kind of like in the werewolf books. How they all have the one person that is their soulmate that they were destined for, and they say “mine” while gripping on tightly to their love. It’s ownership from a place of passion, not aggression or control. 

I would say that “the weeknd” is an acquired taste for sure. He is dominant, overtly sexual, and uniquely himself, not bending for the approval of the masses. 

The only complaint I would have is that he doesn’t do many interviews. Though that kind of adds an appeal to his whole persona. It challenges people to get to know who he is through his music, and not simply through random words he said in response to an interview question designed to trigger a controversial, or tabloid worthy answer. 

Just what I needed! :D

I’m pretty sure you have all heard of Mario, super Mario bros, Mario cart, and many other games with the Mario name tagged on it. Well Mario has a trade mark catch phrase: “just what I needed”. We seem to laugh at little Mario  or completely zone out his voice in all, but his catch phrase reins true. Sometimes something happens and you think to yourself, that’s “just what I needed!” Say you’re not as happy as you could be a certain day. Then out of the blue, either someone compliments you, makes a sweet gesture, or whatever it may be, it just lights up your mood, and your smile is contagious. A smile is one of the simplest acts of kindness that we can give out each day, why don’t we do it more often? Usually we don’t think back to the traditional southern hospitality mentality. Where you see someone, wave, smile, say hello, comment on what a great day it is. All whilst passing by. We have all seemed to adopt a little hint of the northern ways of interacting. If you can even call it interacting. I’m not saying that all northerners are evil people who don’t have a soul, but they seem to have an idea of where their going and how they will execute their plan with the least interruptions to meet all their dead lines. So now instead of talking to people casually passing, we avoid eye contact, in fear of the other person thinking we have the cynical mind of a serial killer out looking for their next prey, or the possibility of awkward prolonged eye contact, etc. It’s all just so confusing to think about, we bypass it all together. Unless….. the person is close to your age, and idea of a perfect mate, you will most likely think about trying as hard as you can to avoid giving them the wrong impression. Yet still even when you want to appear all vivacious and flirty to that eligible prospect, chances are you could very well, cop out and glance coyly to your feet, cause that’s way sexier than exchanging feisty eye contact with them….Back to my main point though, why does the human race grow more and more uncomfortable with the people passing by on the street. We’re all so self conscious about how others perceive us, for all we know they could be focusing on how they are being perceived way to much to even care how we slightly glanced their way. I’ve noticed that when I feel my most confident I have acted more confident, felt happier, and didn’t seem to get as bothered by the little slips I have made, cause I disregarded the way I was being viewed and just thought “what the hay, no one saw that anyway”. I tend to mainly feel confident about my self after a little boost of happiness though, and that’s where the phrase Mario is famous for: “just what I needed”. Some of my “just what I needed” moments have been when I accomplished a goal I set, saw an adorable picture of an animal (don’t judge…it is a happiness inducer all in the same), thinking about a funny moment, listening to a an awesome song, waking up feeling well rested, doing something I love to do, reading an amazing story (in a book, blog, artical, newspaper, etc.), laying on the finely trimmed grass in the summer with the heat of the sun on your back and the breeze cooling you off, when someone compliments me, when I get a nice hug from someone, and many other day brightening mini events.

I hope you had a “just what I needed” moment today, because they truly can turn a sad, neutral, uneventful day, completely around.