The therapy of writing

At the moment I don’t feel all that well. My motivation is stifled because I’ve allowed myself to slip into a downward spiral of emotions. Earlier today I read about strange things our bodies do everyday, two of them were blink, and cry. In the mini article it talked about how crying was good for you. So I’m giving it a whirl. Maybe I can cleanse these odd emotions out with some tears. Now typically I would see these as happy tears if I were to be cleansing my emotions with a nice cry, but these aren’t happy tears… I feel a little alone at the moment… I know it may seem ridiculous to some and some may say we should all be able to find solace within ourselves, but for the time being I’m lacking that kind of strength. I can’t muster the courage to brave through it alone any longer. So as my own way of therapy, I’m going to write about one of the reasons as to why I’ve found myself in this lonely state. 

Throughout my life I’ve found myself loosing touch with people, and mutually drifting out of one another’s lives. Generally it’s worked quite well for me because I’ve found more meaningful connections by letting nature take its course. Although I’ve found myself in a little dilemma… I don’t lack a supply of people to talk to or reach out to in times of loneliness, but I’ve recently kept to myself because I find no fulfillment in any of these friendships. I have an amazing best friend and I wouldn’t trade her for the world, but at times I wish I would have found a best-guy-friend along the way. 
I have come close twice in my life… Both times letting them slip away. 
Ironically both of the guys were scorpios… (For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, Scorpio is a zodiac sign). 
The first one was dating my friend at the time and continued to make passes at me… So basically the drama that ensued caused the splitting of ties. 
On the other hand, I recently drifted out of the life of the second Scorpio. He and I had amazing conversations, but he wanted me, and I was uncertain about him. When I looked at it objectively, I realized that if I dated him, it would be because of his mind, not the entire package. I didn’t like his lifestyle, nor did I find him all that attractive. He wasn’t ugly, because I honesty don’t think anyone in this world is ugly. We’re all someone’s idea of perfection. He just wasn’t my type. Now I know you’re all probably furiously typing away in the comments about to tell me off for being superficial, but I’d like to explain myself first. I think there are different levels and statuses for people in your life for this very scenario. You have the highest tier, which is who you choose to be your significant other. Ideally this person is supposed to possess mind, body, and spirit/soul (so they turn you on both sexually and mentally, and dazzle you with their unique soul). Your next tier is best/ good friends. Ideally they just don’t do it for you physically, but you enjoy their company and conversation. Lastly, you have the people who aren’t all that consistent in any of these areas, and we rate them as acquaintances. 
This guy friend of mine fell into the second category, as a good, maybe even best, friend. It was apparent that deep inside, he wanted more. He continued to try to further things. He gave me a rose, and I handed it back, and I told him that he deserved a girl who could be his valentine on Valentine’s Day, and that I just wasn’t the girl for him. I began to taper off my conversations with him, to try to ween him off the thought of me. I didn’t want him to continue pursuing me, knowing that he could spend that time finding who he’s supposed to be with, so I eventually stopped talking to him all together. 
Now you’re probably ferociously typing a comment about how evil I am for hurting this guy and ignoring him… Yes it isn’t the nicest way to do things, but I had indicated things were coming to a close, and just a few weeks ago, he sent me a goodbye text, telling me about the positive things in his life. He found a girl who is like him. That was my goal. I believe he’s better off without me, but sometimes I miss having an interesting conversation waiting just around the corner if I chose to peak. 
He was the closest thing I’ve had to a male best friend, and for that I’m grateful towards him. 
You may be wondering why I brought these two guys up, so now I’ll explain. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed a common theme, but I just realized there is one. Neither of these guys were ever setting out to have a purely platonic thing with me. No guy really ever has… And it is kind of unsettling in a way. I’ve retracted from all of these people, because I don’t feel I can talk to them without them trying to get to know my body more, not my mind. At the moment there is only one guy who I want to know my body more (and mind of course), and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t but a clue, but maybe he’ll catch on if I keep giving hints… 
But it’s not even the fact that the guys wanted my body that put me off, it was that that is how they began to interact with me. Let me clarify a bit more… It’s as though two bodies were trying to have a conversation. Now as far as body language goes, you can have a pretty damn good conversation if there’s chemistry, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the simplicity in which we begin to view things when we’re caught up in overwhelming attraction and lust. It’s a little distracting I’ll admit, but these guys don’t even attempt to have a real conversation, it just feels as though they think boring conversation is the eventual lubricant that will bring about a furtherance of any physical thing between them and me…. 
Now I don’t want interesting and sexy guys I know to get the wrong idea… I’m not talking about you guys. If you are able to admire my mind, soul, sexuality, and body, then take me at your will… Not literally exactly… But if you can sense I’m feeling something as well, or giving you signals, go for it, and don’t miss the signal like Ted did with Robin. (HIMYM reference to their first kiss… If you didn’t know who I was talking about).
Readers who stuck through this entire post, I’m glad to say I’m feeling a lot better. Writing is my therapy, and this post was just what I needed. I know it appears a little bipolar since I went from sad to happy within the time it took to write this, but maybe writing is truly just that therapeutic. 

Beautiful people

Hello all you beautiful people. My post for tonight shall be about the beauty that is all around us.
I wanted to touch on the subject of why some people who are in a relationship see some one who is gorgeous or handsome. But instead of looking at that person, and just saying objectively in their mind that that person is attractive, they take it an inch further, and picture themselves banging them.
What I’m trying to say is that I can look at all these adorable, handsome, sexy, attractive men in the world, and I only think about their beautiful features, I don’t go to the point of imagining myself sleeping with any of them. I don’t know why, but I kind of become a cereal monogamous crusher. When the person and I have stated that we like and have feelings for each other, they are the only ones who I have dirty thoughts about. Dirty thoughts on many people whom you can’t share then with (random pictures, fantasizing about a random stranger you saw) are lost thoughts. But when you can talk to the person you want to do them with, it is a better use of all that awesome dirty energy you have surging through your body. But alas, back to the beauty of the human race. We come in many different sizes, shapes, and races, with our own features that are purely unique to our personal identity. I think that everybody is gorgeous in their own way :).
Tonight I was watching some videos on youtube, by this group of guys. They were all so adorable in their own personal way. Now being all invests in this crush/ flirtationshop with my ex, my mind didn’t really wander to wanting to desire them instead. But sometimes I just wish when I encountered adorable people on the street or a random place, that I could just say “you are a very gorgeous human being,” and be on my way. There are just those people that have that unique spark to them, that makes you still want to compliment them on their looks, even though you don’t want to take the interest farther.
Onto people’s specific preferences in what they find attractive in a potential mate, in regards to looks. Gosh I just love this when I think about it. Because when I talk to my friend about the guys I find attractive she’s just like “ehh, he’s alight, but you wanna know who’s really attractive,” and then she shows me a guy I’m not extremely attracted to as well. I love this because it reminds me that every single person doesn’t like the same thing. So in most cases, you won’t have to worry about never finding someone who thinks you’re attractive, because we all find different things attractive. I find dark featured males, with brown eyes, big lips, and adorable big noses. Now when I say big noses, I don’t mean ones that protrude forward a ton, rather ones that fan out to the sides more, and are a little closer to the face. Oh and I find tall guys like extremely attractive…but I’m pretty sure the majority of females do, so yeah, I guess I could’ve left that one out after all :p.

Well readers I’m going to end this as a moderately short post, because I’m trying to cut down on how much I force you all to read in one sitting…
So in conclusion, even though I specified my type up there ^^^. I’m attracted to other kinds of features as well, it’s just those are some of my favorites ^.^
If you want, comment below and share what kind of features you find attractive :).

A sweet little memory

This is the short story of Nicholas and Haley. I didn’t know much about the two of them or how they initially met. What I do know, though, is that they both played part in one of the cutest memories that will be forever stuck in my mind.

They both joined a class to widen their knowledge of nature. When Nicholas came into class the first day he was wearing an undeniably cute little plaid short sleeved button up, plus his binoculars that were hung around his neck. Haley was as pale as a cotton ball, with her thin woodsy-maroon hair pulled back into a light little ponytail.

It was about midway through the class when they were about to be led on a nature hike. Haley went to pick up Nicholas’s binoculars for him, because he had placed them on the table during one of the activities. Confused, Nicholas quickly made his way over to her and exclaimed “Haley! Are you trying to steal my binoculars?!”. Shocked that he would even accuse her of that, she quickly replied, “No Nicholas, I would never do that, I- I-I love you Nicholas!!”. Relieved, but still quit puzzled, he answered back, “Oh.” The two made their way out of the class room along with the rest of the group.

Whilst on the walk Nicholas pondered what Haley meant by love. He walked up beside her and asked, still quite taken aback, “If you love me, does- does- that mean we’re going to get married someday?”. Haley looks looked at him and responded as though the answer was completely obvious, “Of course not Nicholas!! I’m going to marry my mommy and daddy!”. Still quite perplexed by this confusing little lady he simply replied once more, “oh.”