“If I were a guy”: talking etiquette 101

Prelude to the beginning of a series of blogs: “If I were a guy.”

So many times I have uttered the words “if I were a guy,” and then I continued on explaining out loud how a guy could totally woo me given the same scenarios they have found themselves in with me, and explain that if I were a guy I would’ve been able to snag someone (or at least someone like me) perfectly in that precise situation.
I give all these in depth tips, but I never write them down or do anything to preserve the ideas once they’re out of my mind.
I’m going to start shifting the main focus on my blog to the blog series “If I were a guy.” I will have a regular blog posting every so often, and this time it will actually have some type of theme and direction. I hope you all find it entertaining, helpful, or at the very least enjoyable.
Random thought: I just realized that I hardly use the word enjoyable, enjoy, and other forms of that word… I should really use it more often as an alternative to like.

#1 “if I were a guy”: talking etiquette 101.
Let’s begin at the very first spark of inspiration I had for this series. At the beginning of the semester I met “the cutie with the eyes.”
Here’s what he did right:
• He was mysterious.
• He wasn’t overtly thirsty (for those of you who don’t know what thirsty means, it basically means desperate, or ready to fool around with any willing body).
• He just kept to himself and stayed focused on studying.
• He had a calm presence.

Now the first interaction was good because he left himself as an intriguing mystery to me.

Then we began talking through text between when we’d see each other… And that’s where people can make their biggest mistakes and lose the person they’re after.
The question game (or 21 questions, or whatever you may call it) is a great game, don’t get me wrong, but it needs to be used sparingly.

What I would have done in the situation, if I were a guy:
• I would have started it of with possibly a explanation of how I found the certain person interesting and wanted to get to know them better, and maybe throw in even a non sexual compliment (e. g. you have such beautiful eyes. It may be a little bit of a come on, but it’s far more different than calling the new friend of yours beautiful or pretty, running the risk that they don’t find you as attractive as you find them), or some kind of unique compliment they may have never heard before
• I would have asked to play the question game, but I would make sure I never said the horrible line “you can go first.” I feel that in a situation like this, if you begin to pursue a girl, don’t throw all the work on her to get it rolling and expect it to actually prosper. She may not even be sure about you. So take the initiative and lead.
• Once the question game got rolling I would focus in on the things I gathered from what I asked, and I would try and talk about those things so that we can talk on a more personal level rather than an interview style where there are mainly questions and less discussion.
• I would leave keeping them feel intrigued, not at a low point where they leave the conversation desperate to get away because they’re so bored.

And that my dear readers, is what I would do “if I were a guy”.

Monogamy

All of my thoughts and points I make in this post are not to judge those of you are into/ ok with these types of relationships. If you’ve cheated in the past or have cheated in the present, I don’t want you to take this as a jab at the way you lived and choose to live your life. This post is just me explaining my point of view on the subject of monogamy and why I prefer it.

I don’t know why, but I’ve never liked the thought of dating many people, and then choosing my favorite. I’m not saying that having a selection of various guys to choose from and kiss, before making my decision, doesn’t sound nice. What doesn’t appeal to me though, is that while I would get to kiss whomever I want, they would also kiss who ever they wanted as well. Naturally, I am also just not a person who could kiss multiple people during the same week, month, or whatever time period it may be, with a clear conscience.  Also, you may get into a relationship with someone while they still feel something for someone they were just casually dating. I condone chatting around, and flirting around with multiple people as a form of ‘dating’, but sleeping around and kissing multiple people is just not something I agree with. In addition to my points above, is that having multiple romantic interests is germ city if you decide to go kiss and sleep with all of them. Kissing many people could give you: mono, aids (can be passed through cuts in the mouth), sicknesses/ colds, and other stuff I cant remember at this moment. Sleeping around could give you: one word…. everything.. Now, I’m not going to tell anyone else not to participate in the thicker (hard to get out of sticky situations pertaining to feelings) form of dating.

I watched this show one time ,where this girl was dating this man for a few weeks. During those weeks, she had naturally assumed that they were ‘going steady’.They had gone out on dinner dates, shared time at her place, shared mutual satisfaction at her place (sex), along with a couple other things. Come to find out, she discovers either through meeting another woman, or seeing another message from a woman that he was dating, that there was another woman, in addition to her. Shortly after her discovery, she confronts him. He tells her that he’s dating multiple woman, other than the one other woman, and her. All I could think was “that douche……“. I know that they hadn’t officially declared the status of their relationship, but they had been dating for 1-6 months (I’m not sure the exact length). Just think about it this way though…. teenagers now make sure they clarify with someone who asks them to be their boyfriend or girlfriend, if they mean ‘exclusively’. 

Now onto Monogamy in official relationships!!! 😀 …..i. e. cheating, open relationships, and the whole shebang!

For the rest of my life, I will never personally get into an open relationship, or stay with someone who serially cheats on me (maybe I wont even give them a second chance after just once..). When I think about being in a relationship and in love, I see myself only desiring my partner, and wanting to give only them my love. I feel that if love is given out to every person you are in contact with, equally, you will never really find a true love. If a kid made his mom a special picture and then as a way of showing her gratitude, she hugged him. Then proceeded to hug all of her other children directly after she hugged her little boy. He wouldn’t see that as a way she appreciated his gift, he would think it was as if there was never even a gift he had given. That’s the way I feel like it would be for someone to tell their partner that they truly love them (because they have that fictitious ‘gift’ they gave, which in this case is their unique love). Then go on to tell their partner they want to share the love and happiness they feel towards their partner to a ton of other people too. There is only so much love we can give, until all of  the recipients start to feel gypped. Our love running thin, is close in contrast to a mother with many, many children. She wont have much time to give to each one what they desire, because she needs to give that love to the rest of her children she loves.

Onto cheating….. why do people do it? Just why…..?!?! The main causes of cheating come from a deficit in the relationship, in compatibility (one of them wants an open relationship, so forcefully creates the situation for them self), or thrill of having many people desiring them, etc. It’s quite a selfish act…. it’s self indulgent, lack of thought for your partners feelings, and using another person to fill whatever void you may have. If you cheat because of a deficit in your relationship, don’t go searching for total fulfillment in two parts (two different women, or men). Respect your partner and end your relationship. Then, find complete fulfillment, with just one partner. Now, if you cheat conscientiously and then tell your partner you’re sorry and want another chance, you should keep in mind that if you truly wanted to keep your partner in the first place, you wouldn’t have done anything to mess with your relationship.

Now that you have fully read this, I would like to remind you of this, still no judging! :p. Just thought I’d share my perspective. I watched a video today that touched on this topic a bit, so it made me think to write a post of my own about it.

Adiós fellow bloggers! 🙂