Many ask where the curious went. Well there’s not much to wonder about a wall that doesn’t interact back.
I bet many people mentally recite this phrase probably a million times each day. We all believe no one understands us. That they just wouldn’t understand. Sometimes though, I feel as if we block the chance of actually truly giving them the possibility to understand us. No body knows everything, so maybe the reason they don’t understand, is because you haven’t provided them with the exact knowledge of your situation to truly get how you’re feeling.
I think that phrase to myself as I am informing my best friend about my love life recently. What I’m not always realizing though, is that there are days that pass that I go through things pertaining to my love dynamics, that she doesn’t see. I also may not remember every detail of it when it comes time to tell her about it all.
There is also this guy that I’ve been talking to, I think I mentioned him before, but if I haven’t, here is his nickname Mr. NGM. It stands for Mr. Nice Guy (and the first initial of his name). Now what he is not understanding, is why I want an ex back. If he knew the entire story of the relationship, and knew how the guy and I were together, maybe it would help him comprehend why I feel that way.
But now readers, it is time I help you guys understand the situation I’ve been going through the past few days. So for those of you who haven’t read my previous blog posts, I’ll explain. First I had a 3 month relationship with Mufasa B., then I broke up with him because we didn’t talk as much as I would like (very lame reason to break up.. I know). Then OT asked me out the day after I broke up with Mufasa B. OT and I had a 5 month relationship, but he turned out to be an emotionless jerk… So then, he broke up with me, and 2 ish days later my sister’s boyfriend set me up with his friend who had wanted to date me for a while, ever since he had met me like a month or so before. He asked me to be his girlfriend the night that I was set up with him. I thought at that time I was ready to move on, so I said yes. It turned out that I dated him for probably 3 days, then I broke up with him, cause I thought I was still hung up on Mufasa B. The next night I thought I was over Mufasa B., so I admitted to Mr. NGM that I still like him (Mr. NGM). So that lasted the evening until around 10-11 at night we were video chatting, and he mentioned my ex, Mufasa B. I never ended up even kissing Mr. NGM. Then emotions that I thought I didn’t feel for Mufasa B., rose up again, so I ended it with Mr. NGM so he wouldn’t become attached, and then I go back to to my ex or something. Because I knew at that moment, if Mufasa B. asked me back, I would have said yes. I still know that, because that is the reason I am explaining all of this to you.
I’ll let you know why I am thinking I am hung up on this ex of mine, Mufasa B. :
• It feels like we never stopped talking, because all the giddiness and butterflies that still attack me when we message.
• I think he was the only guy I ever loved. I think I just lied to myself about OT.
• He was by far the best kisser. Instead of just physically kissing, it seemed as though he kissed with his soul as well.
• Makes me feel nervous in a good way.
• Even though at a time it didn’t seem as though he was giving enough to me (talking, or seeing each other, and such), it never seemed as though the distance ever made it hard for him to still love me.
• He doesn’t go around talking about how girls are good looking strait to my face. I like honesty and all, but it’s not lying in my book, to hold yourself back from voicing those thoughts to your girlfriend…
• We talked the majority of our relationship. Just messaging each other talking about our day or anything else.
• It appears that he operates just like me. When in a relationship or even just liking somebody, and even when you’re in the in between, not official stage yet kind of place. You don’t go doing stuff or flirting with other people, because you know how you would feel if they do the same. So basically an instinctual monogamous/ unhypocritical way of thinking.
• He actually will talk about making out, and the works, without getting all weird. There are some guys you can tell, that you want to make out with them, but the conversation doesn’t go farther than that. But when someone is comfortable and willing enough to say what turns them on the most, and ask you what would turn you on the most, that is a turn on in it’s own!!
• And he’s also all the generics you usually tell people about, about the guy you like. He’s sweet, funny, caring, and smart.
I think it’s a very big possibility that he and I will rekindle our old flame. But we’ll just all have to wait and see what happens when I elaborate in my future blog posts.
Goodnight my readers :).